m Celtic Cross Celtic Cross - Average Everyday Sane Psycho Supergoddess

July 22, 2005

SASF v.7.22 - This Shit is Bananas

Feh. Despite the evil ways of the soul-sucking jerk that is life, Here I am, having drug myself up to the blogger chopping block to perform my Friday duties. I've been a slacking lazy ass here lately, stewing in my own juices if you will, but I managed to stir up a pot of goodies so as not to disappoint.

...and it's a smelly bunch o' turds. heh

drumroll, please!

***

Not Just Knocking my Head up Against the Wall...


Heh. That's about right.

***

You know you're living in 2005 when...

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 16 phone numbers to reach your family of 4.
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends is that they don't have e-mail addresses.
6. When you go home after a long day at work you still answer the phone
in a business manner.
7. When you make phone calls from home, you accidentally dial "9" to
get an outside line.
8. You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three
different companies.
10. You learn about your redundancy on the 11 o'clock news.
11. Your boss doesn't have the ability to do your job.
12. Contractors outnumber permanent staff and are more likely to get
long-service awards.
13. You read this entire list, and kept nodding and smiling.
14. As you read this list, you think about forwarding it to your
"friends list."
15. You got this email from a friend that never talks to you anymore,
except to send you jokes from the net.
16. You are too busy/distracted to notice there was no #9
17. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9

***

Late-Night Jokes About the Karl Rove Scandal

"I think Karl Rove is getting a little worried. Like today he said the biggest problem facing Americans -- prison rape." --Jay Leno

"Karl Rove, he is very desperate now. He's trying to improve his image. And, this afternoon, earlier today, he was jumping up and down on Oprah's couch." --David Letterman

"I thought this was nice – earlier today Martha Stewart showed Karl Rove how to slip off an ankle monitor." --Jay Leno

"The president's top political adviser, Karl Rove, is spending all his time working on Bush's next Supreme Court nominee. Well sure, that's because this judge could decide if Rove is going to prison or not." --Jay Leno

"Suspicion for the leak was immediately cast on White House adviser and long time Bush confident, Karl Rove, known as one of the few men in Washington with flesh colored hair" --Jon Stewart

"Karl Rove is in a lot of trouble for allegedly leaking the name of a CIA operative.
Remember the good old days when the only thing leaking in the White House was President Clinton?" --Jay Leno

"There are hints now that President Bush might be backing away from Karl Rove. Like, today, he gave him a new job -- ambassador to Iraq. You know what's interesting -- this whole Karl Rove scandal -- it's just like the Clinton scandal. It involves a pudgy person in the Oval Office who can't keep their mouth shut." --Jay Leno

"This puts President Bush in kind of a jam because a year ago he said whoever leaked the name of the CIA operative would be fired. It's a case of Bush spoke too soon; like when he said 'Mission Accomplished.'" --Jay Leno

"Karl Rove is really not worried about this because he knows Bush is extremely loyal to his staff. He never likes to fire his staff -- not out of loyalty; he hates having to learn new names." --Jay Leno

"Karl Rove is in a lot of trouble. The White House says today that President Bush is standing by his top advisor Karl Rove even though Rove apparently revealed the identity of a CIA agent. However, Bush did say he would fire Rove if he revealed the end of 'Charlie and the Chocolate factory.'" --Conan O'Brien

"More problems for Karl Rove -- now he's accused of leaking the plot of the Harry Potter book." --Jay Leno

"This is a tough situation for President Bush because he and Rove are very close. And a friend of both was quoted saying today they finish each other's sentence. Although I am pretty sure Bush starts the sentence, and then the other guy finishes." --Jay Leno

"The big rumor is that Chief Justice Rehnquist is going to resign from the Supreme Court this week. See, I won't believe it till it's leaked to the New York Times by Karl Rove -- then I'll believe it's true." --Jay Leno

***

You Just Have to Go There

This disturbs me far more than it probably should. California magic, my ass.


Pocket Piggies

***

This Shit is Bananas
A probing analysis of Gwen Stefani’s ‘Hollaback Girl’

A while back, I posted a bit about Gwen's new video with a link. After getting over the initial eye-candy factor involved, It seems this song has stirred up a bit of confusion and general head scratching...

(by Greg Stacy for OC)
Gwen Stefani's "Hollaback Girl" is one of the most baffling pieces of music of the modern age. It's got something to do with cheerleaders—that much is clear, judging from the chanting and the marching band that's honking and tooting in the background. Beyond that, good luck deciphering the song's ambiguities. We were so vexed by the mystery that is "Hollaback Girl" that we have devoted countless hours to its study. Our conclusions are below. The first thing you should know, though, is that Gwen is not singing "I ain't no Harlem fat girl" — at least, we don't think she is.

Uh huh, this my shit
Gwen is introducing us to her shit.

All the girls stomp your feet like this
This talk of shit and stomping has nothing to do with actually stepping on feces. But what does it mean? From a reading of the later text, we can conclude that the song takes place in the world of high school athletics, and that Gwen is apparently leading the girls in a calisthenics exercise. The "shit," we surmise, is what she calls the exercises she's teaching the other girls.

A few times I've been around that track
So it’s not just gonna happen like that

Here, Gwen exhorts the girls to try harder as they jog around the track, reminding them that physical fitness is "not just gonna happen," but must be worked at.

Cause I ain’t no hollaback girl
I ain’t no hollaback girl

These lines are the most confusing, but their meaning will become clearer later.

Oooh, this my shit, this my shit
Gwen repeats this four more times. She wants to make sure that we are well acquainted with her shit.

I heard that you were talking shit
And you didn't think that I would hear
it
Gwen has been the victim of some slanderous high school gossip, and she doesn't appreciate it. Gwen is 35 years old sliding into MILF status at this point, but we'll grant her some poetic license.

People hear you talking like that, getting everybody fired up
So I’m ready to attack, gonna lead the pack

Gwen is going to round up a "posse" of her girlfriends and retaliate against the person who's been talking "smack" about her.

Gonna get a touchdown, gonna take you out
Gwen is going to beat up the person who wronged her, after she completes the cheerleading routine that will inspire the football team to score a touchdown. Gwen has interesting priorities.

That’s right, put your pom-poms down, getting everybody fired up
It seems the entire cheerleading squad is going to beat up the person who spoke ill of Gwen; they have put down their pom-poms, and they are now "fired up" to exact swift and terrible vengeance on Gwen's behalf.

A few times I've been around that track
So it’s not just gonna happen like that
Cause I ain't no hollaback girl
I ain't no hollaback girl

Gwen is apparently the captain of the cheerleader squad; she is the girl who "hollas" the chants, not one of the girls who simply "hollas" them back. Given that the squad is preparing to beat somebody up on Gwen's behalf, she's picked a strange time to remind them that she is their leader and they are her sheep-like followers. Gwen obviously rules her squad with an iron fist.

Oooh, this my shit, this my shit [repeated four times]
Again with the shit.

So that's right dude, meet me at the bleachers
No principals, no student-teachers
Both of us want to be the winner, but there can only be one
So I'm gonna fight, gonna give it my all

We learn that it was a "dude" who gossiped about Gwen. She challenges him to a fight at the bleachers. If he imagines it will be a fair, one-on-one fight, he is sadly mistaken. Gwen and her aforementioned "pack" will pounce on him like rabid wolves.

Gonna make you fall, gonna sock it to you
That's right, I'm the last one standing, another one bites the dust
Gwen's pack of furious cheerleaders leaves the boy a quivering, bloody heap behind the bleachers for the groundskeeper to discover the next day.

A few times I've been around that track
So it’s not just gonna happen like that
Cause I ain't no hollaback girl
I ain't no hollaback girl

Having completed their ghastly work, Gwen's squad members return to the field and resume their cheerleading activities, as Gwen reminds them once more that she is the boss and they are all her bitches.

Oooh, this my shit, this my shit [repeated four times]
By calling her exercise routines "shit," Gwen is showing us that for all her bravado, the character in this song secretly suffers from profound self-esteem issues. She is a complex antiheroine for an age of changing gender attitudes and expectations.

Let me hear you say, this shit is bananas
B-A-N-A-N-A-S

Here, Gwen steps away from this bloody spectacle for a moment to comment on the madness and ugliness of what we've just witnessed, and, by extension, the petty rivalries of high school in general. This shit is bananas, Gwen tells us, and we can only agree. And lest we miss the point, she spells it out. And repeats it another three times.

A few times I've been around that track
So it's not just gonna happen like that
Cause I ain't no hollaback girl
I ain't no hollaback girl

Back on the field, Gwen is still bullying the squad to carry out her routines. But now we see her in a new light, as the sad, lost creature she truly is.

Oooh, this my shit, this my shit [repeated four times]
As the song fades out, Gwen is left only with her "shit," the mindless exercises that bring her no comfort from the raging emptiness within. As much as she "hollas," no one hears her cries for help.

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

***

For My Squirrel Loving (or notsomuch) Friends

E-Lo, Julz, Cootera...


That's right - the Cellular Squirrel. Ummmm....yeah.

***

Hope y'all have a happy weekend. *poink*

11 Comments:

At July 22, 2005 11:48 am, Blogger midwest_hick said...

Nice to see ya back....and you....have a great weekend yourself!

 
At July 22, 2005 1:04 pm, Blogger Serra said...

I damned near wet myself Celti Lady!! Oh, mah GAWD!

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA!

 
At July 22, 2005 1:20 pm, Blogger Michael said...

This was my favorite SASF yet!

But... you mean the Bananas part wasn't a sexual innuendo?

 
At July 22, 2005 2:25 pm, Blogger Pup said...

Brillant as usual Celti!

Love the Hollarback girl explanation.

 
At July 22, 2005 3:17 pm, Blogger Cootera said...

Someone needs to run over that squirrel. Seriously. And then squash that pig.

Yes, I love animals. Really I do.

 
At July 22, 2005 7:45 pm, Blogger Spirit Of Owl said...

You know, I did a search for to find out what the hell Hollaback Girl was all about too. Baffling is the best word. Maybe she aims put a book out like a strategy guide for the song or something.

Thanks for the FUN! :D

 
At July 23, 2005 7:13 am, Blogger Jamie said...

First I went, "Ooooh" Then I went "Ahhhh" but then I went bananas!

No the squirrel, and the pig? Strange, but I want the squirrel! How crazy would you look talking to your squirrel in the car instead of the phone!

 
At July 23, 2005 7:48 am, Blogger Seamus said...

Better to be talking to a squirrel than to a pig - or - a monkey!

Wikipedia does a pretty good job on "Hollaback girl" (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hollaback_Girl)

Have a great weekend! =)

 
At July 23, 2005 10:13 am, Blogger Julie said...

Loved the Hollaback Girl explanation! As for the pig...alright, who has the time to catch a fly in a plastic bag and then put it into the pig? That's just twisted!

 
At July 23, 2005 1:46 pm, Blogger No_Newz said...

Too funny! U R A NUT! That song kills me and Mr. Lane thought she was singing I ain't no Harlem black girl. Everytime I hear that song I can't help but think about him singing that. Now I got your silliness to add to my brain. LOL!
Have a great weekend!
Lois Lane

 
At July 23, 2005 11:08 pm, Blogger Brighton said...

Bwahahahaha! You have no idea how much I look forward to this at the end of every week. Thank you!!

 

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