April 29, 2004

Vote for Bush, because he's not French

This is what it comes down to: what disqualifies one from being President of the United States isn't lying to the public in order to get them to fight an unnecessary war. It isn't fiscal irresponsibility. It isn't promoting censorship and doublespeak.

Nope. It's being French. Or looking French. Or having French relatives. Or being able to speak French. Or being reviled by neo-cons who try to make smarmy and childish jokes that you are French and anti-American.

We don't want an educated, bilingual President. We'd rather have one who pitches a hissy fit when a reporter asks Jacques Chirac a question in his native language.

We want a leader who puts America's interests first when it comes to our energy policy. This means reducing our dependency on oil, an addiction that has led us to meddle in the Middle East. Of course, we've done that. We don't want a leader who shrugs it off when oil barons courted the Taliban--while the Taliban was harboring a known terrorist who declared war on us. Nope. And we don't want a President who continued this dubious practice until January 2001. Certainly not.

We don't want a President who would wreck the environment for the sake of industry. Or a President whose administration would submit a proposal (for the third time no less) to Congress that the Pentagon be exempt from envrironmental laws. No, we want a President who was governor of a state that enforced clean air rules to the letter. A state that didn't let industry get away with polluting the air. Certainly not the former governor of a state with the worst pollution record in the US. A President with a record of environmental stewardship. A President who gives tax breaks to people who choose eco-friendly vehicles, like Hummers. You know, George Bush.

We want someone who tells the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. That's why the GOP went after Bill Clinton--because he lied about doing the nasty with an intern in the Oval Office. So I'm sure they'll be all over the fact that Bush knew there were no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. I'm sure they'll go ballistic over the fact that the administration spun the 9/11 attacks as the brainchild of Saddam Hussein. I'm sure they will voice outrage that Vice President Dick Cheney pressured Iraq analysts into making their analysis fit with White House policy and plans.

We want a President who supports the troops. George Bush does when he says "Bring them on." Of course, it also helps to pay the soldiers, give them the benefits they deserve for fighting for their country, and to stop extending their tours of duty. Too bad the administration doesn't support the troops that way.

Of course, we don't want an elite snob in office like that French-looking John Kerry. We want a regular guy like George Bush, who cares about minorities and the downtrodden. Why, he fights for the one percent minority in the US. It's tough being in the richest one percent of the population. Nobody understands you. But George does. He feels your pain. He's working for you! He'll reflect on it during his thirty-third vacation since he's taken office in 2000. I'm sure that conservative pundits, being for the common man and all, will be happy to point out that your average worker can't take thirty-two vacations in three and a half years.

We want a President who will keep the government out of our private lives. Who will realize that the government cannot and should not force two people who love each other live as housemates if they are committed to each other.

We want a President who promotes equality. George Bush bashed those naughty Taliban in Afganistan for hurting women. And it worked, too. Women in Afghanistan are free! Sort of. Well, in a manner of speaking. Well, maybe not..

We want a President who doesn't emulate misogynist religious fanatics who think women are subhuman. Who doesn't try to roll back equal opportunity for women. One who works for the equal treatment of all women. We don't want a President who would appoint a wacked-out fundie to the FDA--a fundie who advises women with PMS to read scriputure.

And of course, we want a President who respects the tenents of freedom, liberty and justice. Who respects the separation between church and state, and who doesn't think he's on some sort of mission from God. That would not be George Bush.

But Bush is better than John Kerry, because he isn't French.

Well, that makes sense. Now, if only the neo-cons could give us some real reasons why Bush is better than Kerry.

We're waiting.

(brilliantly banged out by pinkofeministhellcat)

No comments:

Post a Comment