August 28, 2006

Congested Brain

The D-Man is simply right as rain, but now my melon has been invaded by nasty snot-manufacturing monsters. It feels like it's about 3 feet thick and weighs 50 pounds. So, just to prove to myself that it really is still working and I haven't blown half of my brain out into a tissue, I had to test it...

There is more than meets the eye:

Olny srmat poelpe can raed tihs?

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, mekas it psoslbie. It deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are - the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.

Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig, huh? Yaeh, and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

This one is my favorite:

What do you see?

August 25, 2006

Holy Fungi (or should it be bacteria?), Batman!

Why does the mushroom get invited to all the parties?
'cause he's a fungi. heh

Good gawd, has it been a trying week. Besides the usual money juggling (robbing Peter to pay Paul) and working, laundry, cooking, cleaning, & blahbitty blah, my baby got sick.

Tuesday night, the D-Man mentioned that he wasn't feeling too well. About 9pm as I put him to bed, I noted that he had a fever. I knew I was going to be in for a long night.

Now, I usually try not to give him anything for the fever unless he's really burning up. His doctor says it's best to "let the fever do it's job". So, I was up about once every 1 1/2 hours checking on him, making sure he's sleeping ok and isn't getting too hot. He got up at seven, bless his little heart (GAH!), fever still burning away. He complained that his throat hurt, so I knew it would be off to the doctor for the two of us. We went that afternoon and, sure as shit, he had strep throat. Yay! Add another $35 to the "things we can't afford but have to pay for" file. Sheesh.

So, I got him going on the antibiotics and we stayed home all day Wednesday and Thursday. We watched a lot of TV and movies, we played with legos and bionicles, I taught him to play chess at his request. That's right - chess. He wanted to play again and again.

He was very clingy and needy so there was no getting on-line and no breaks, but I enjoyed spending the last two days with my pre-school boy attached at the hip. Yes, sadly, this little illness caused him to miss his last day of preschool and his first day of Kindergarten. I was so sad about that but what are you going to do? So he started Kindergarten today. *snif*

You know what sucks, though? It's not over yet. Last night, I noticed that he was a bit red around the eyes and his face looked kind of blotchy. I didn't think too much of it, but this morning when we got up it was much worse! He looks like someone punched him in both eyes, though he said it doesn't hurt or itch. I called the Dr. who said it could be a reaction to the medication, so he said to stop that one and start a new one that he called in to the pharmacy. *cha ching* *sigh* I really hope that takes care of the problem. I worry so much.

What day is it again? Oh, yeah! Friday. I have NOTHING prepared for WTFF since I gather most of that stuff on Wed. & Thurs. Sorry. I got into work this morning fully prepared to frantically seek out some goodies for you, only to have the power to the entire eastern section of down town lose power. I have no windows in my office and I can't tell you how freakin' dark it was in here. I'm so smart to keep a flash light in my desk. Anyway, we had no power for about 2 hours and now, alas, I must work. I didn't want to leave you hangin', though. Here I am. *yawn* I'm freakin' exhausted.

August 21, 2006

I love my job.

Rob, a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana performs underwater repairs on offshore Drilling rigs. Here is an e-mail from Rob to his sister reporting in...

Hi Sue, Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother.

Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all.

Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job.

As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wetsuit. This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater.

This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose.

Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times
with no complaints.. What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wetsuit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi.

Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to
itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my butt started to burn I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened. The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit.

Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't
stick to it. However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my butt I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically.

Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression.

When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days because my butt was swollen shut.

So, next time you're having a bad day at work...think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt. Now repeat to yourself, "I love my job, I love my job, I love my job."

Whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, "Is this a jellyfish bad

August 18, 2006

WTFF v.8.18.6

Hooray for Friday and welcome to another addition of WTF Friday!

Shall we?

Good Gifs

Y'all know that I'm a freak for .gif files. They're just so cool. Here are my fave finds for the week:

Sick & Wrong

This game is a bit disturbing, but surprisingly fun. Oh, those poor mice.
Fuzzy McFluffenstein

Dirty Car?

Don't wash it! Create art!

Damn, these are amazing.

Treadmill Rock

I've seen these guys before, but this one is really original and quite entertaining. Clever blokes.

Damn Wierd

crazy-ass asian magnetic spandex boy censorship Just go there. *snort* (Not particularly safe for work, but very funny.) It takes all kinds, I tell ya...

Damn Freaky

Though I know it's been five years, you might want to check out this interesting documentary about 9/11 and the Pentagon attack. It certainly makes you wonder what the hell really happened there.

Kick Ass Tornados

Check these out:
Most of you also know what a freak I am for storms. The power of nature has always been awe-inspiring for me. Here are a couple of tornado videos I found recently that are totally amazing.

This image is taken from #2 above. It's a great compilation, actually, of many tornados. Now that's something to see out your windshild while driving along!

A to Z - Rock & Roll Sex Scandals

Very interesting. Certainly brings back some memories (honk honk) lol

Kitty Bling

Now that's just silly.

Message is Clear

When a Utah man built his dream house, he didn't expect to get flack from a neighbor who was upset because he "blocked his view."
His response:

A "beautiful cactus" decoration for his neighbor to enjoy. heh

Have a great weekend, peeps!

August 17, 2006


Do you ever wake up in the morning completely confused? This morning, that's just how I woke up. I had some of the wierdest damn dreams.

In my dream, I was in some kind of pioneer prairie village setting like straight out of Little House on the Prairie (did anyone here ever watch that as a kid?). The people were all in period dress, doing things like making butter and chopping firewood. I stuck out like a sore thumb because I was in normal clothes of this time not to mention the fact that I came in a modern car - drove right down the main dirt street. The people congregated around me, chiding me for simply being there in the "state" I was in. Oops.

Well, it turned out that they were filming a movie and that I was screwing it up for them. Every time they'd start filming, I'd be spotted and they'd yell "cut! Get her out of here!". Sheesh.

They set up an old-fashioned, state fair style stage and the President showed up (yes, Dubya) to make some kind of speech. I was provided with period dress to put on so that I wouldn't ruin the movie any more, but I was forced to deal directly with the President's personal assistant who looked like a tall, skinny troll. You know? The kind with the fuzzy hair that you spin in your hands and then pull straight up?

Like this - but with grey hair and no champagne. He scared me.

Oh, and there were tigers there, too. Bathing tigers.

Yeah. Freakin' wierd.

August 11, 2006

WTFF v.8.11.6 - Pfffft.

Because I've had an exhausting, busy, frustrating week from the burning pits of hell, I'm simply going to provide some funny/wierd photos, many of which reflect quite well how I'm feeling today. I'm tired and I need vodka. Vodka and steak. Vodka, steak and valium. Yeah.

Here ya go:

You snooz, you looz.


Oh, and then there's this:
Snakes on a Plane!

This would be me on my way out of the office today:

Vodka, steak and valium, people. Miracle cure. heh

Have a great weekend!

August 09, 2006

Carnies, Livestock & Rednecks, Oh MY!

I am filled with anticipation for an upcoming event. Tomorrow is the beginning of the Iowa State Fair. This undeniably perfect venue for people watching is where you can procure some of the weirdest and most wonderful foods and entertainment around. It's also where you can find, in my opinion, some of the most alarming foods. You'll find funnel cakes (of course!), elephant ears, porkchop on a stick (VERY popular), Gyros, Phillies, BBQ, cheesecake on a stick (dipped in chocolate, even!), and, among many others, the notorious fried twinkie. Damn, I can feel my arteries hardening as I type this.

The fried twinkie is a phenomenon like no other. I think they started serving them at the fair a few years ago. Sporting 390 calories and 33 grams of fat, this treat has taken the fair by storm. I, personally, have never tried it and don't intend to (ack!). It sounds disgusting to me (not surprising since I don't care for twinkies) not to mention the fact that it's practically death on a stick. It was described by the New York Times in this way: "Something magical occurs when the pastry hits the hot oil. The creamy white vegetable shortening filling liquefies, impregnating the sponge cake with its luscious vanilla flavor... The cake itself softens and warms, nearly melting, contrasting with the crisp, deep-fried crust in a buttery and suave way. The piece de resistance, however, is a ruby-hued berry sauce, adding a tart sophistication to all that airy sugary goodness." HA HA HA – that's rich. bah dun dum

Anyway, the fair is the best place to experience mullet culture, chat up the carnies (those loud-mouthed, greasy, tattooed, fascinating creatures), scout out examples of bad parenting and inappropriate use of halter tops and spandex, and ogle mesmerizing livestock such as the big boar or the biggest freakin' bull you ever did see. Last year, the illustrious winner of the title of Big Boar was "Tooter," a purebred Berkshire boar who tipped the scales at 1080 lbs. He's disgusting and fascinating at the same time.

Oh, and don't forget about the butter cow.
Yes, a life-sized cow carved out of butter. Woot!

Should be a good 'ole time.

August 07, 2006

L for Laziness

No, I haven't downloaded my pictures from my vacation yet. I'm being incredibly lazy when it comes to that. I was far too busy this weekend talking about dinosaurs, playing with slot racers, taunting the dog with a cucumber and pondering the future of this country and the world.

As further demonstration of my supreme laziness and, more importantly, to recommend a movie to you (note - possible spoiler ahead), I'll provide you with a quote from a movie I saw this weekend that had quite an impact on me - V for Vendetta. See it. Just do it.

"Good evening, London. Allow me first to apologize for this interruption. I do, like many of you, appreciate the comforts of every day routine - the security, the familiar, the tranquility, repetition. I enjoy them as much as any bloke. But in the spirit of commemoration, thereby those important events of the past usually associated with someone's death or the end of some awful bloody struggle, a celebration of a nice holiday, I thought we could mark this November the 5th, a day that is sadly no longer remembered, by taking some time out of our daily lives to sit down and have a little chat.

There are of course those who do not want us to speak. I suspect even now, orders are being shouted into telephones, and men with guns will soon be on their way. Why? Because while the truncheon may be used in lieu of conversation, words will always retain their power. Words offer the means to meaning, and for those who will listen, the annunciation of truth. And the truth is, there is something terribly wrong with this country, isn't there? Cruelty and injustice, intolerance, and depression. And where once you had the freedom to object, think, and speak as you saw fit, you now have censors and systems of surveillence coercing your conformity and soliciting your submission.

How did this happen? Who's to blame? Well certainly there are those more responsible than others, and they will be held accountable, but again truth be told, if you're looking for the guilty, you need only look into a mirror. I know why you did it. I know you were afraid. Who wouldn't be? War, terror, disease. There were a myraid of problems which conspired to corrupt your reason and rob you of your common sense. Fear got the best of you, and in your panic you turned to the now high chancellor, Adam Sutler. He promised you order, he promised you peace, and all he demanded in return was your silent, obedient consent.

Last night I sought to end that silence. Last night I destroyed the Old Bailey, to remind this country of what it has forgotten. More than four hundred years ago a great citizen wished to embed the fifth of November forever in our memory. His hope was to remind the world that fairness, justice, and freedom are more than words, they are perspectives.

So if you've seen nothing, if the crimes of this government remain unknown to you then I would suggest you allow the fifth of November to pass unmarked. But if you see what I see, if you feel as I feel, and if you would seek as I seek, then I ask you to stand beside me one year from tonight, outside the gates of Parliament, and together we shall give them a fifth of November that shall never, ever be forgot."

Poignant food for thought, indeed.

"People should not be afraid of their governments. Governments should be afraid of their people."

August 04, 2006

WTFF v.8.4.6 - Cashing in the Rain Check

I try very hard not to break promises. I told you that I'd have some goodies for you this week, so here I am - ready to deliver. Hooray!

I do, however, feel compelled to change the name of our Friday freak fests, though. SASF (short attention span Friday) just doesn't seem to fit what this little project has morphed into. So, for now, I'll be dubbing my Friday posts WTFF! I'll spare you the explanation since I assume y'll know what the WTF stands for. Woot.

Let the wierdness commence!

Never Gonna Live it Down

A bit dated but still funny...
Anyone who is a fan of soccer (or football outside of the US) probably knows about the infamous head butt incident involving French player Zidane. Well, there's been a considerable amount of fun being had with that incident:

The original, unaltered incident:

The fun times:

Sheesh - enough already! I'm telling you, it goes on and on...more here if you really need more. lol Hell, you can even do the head butting yourself here. Zidane is toast. heh


USB Missle launcher
This would be SO much fun. Perfect for shooting right out of my office door onto the unsuspecting sales persons. ...or perhaps an IT guy or two. heh

Boston Love

This reminds me of Cootera's dog Gus and his "humpy" heeheeheeheehee!

Self Mutilation or Body Art?

Most of you know that I have a "thing" for tattoos. They totally fascinate me. I have been, however, checking out a lot of other body modification ideas and methods. Some of them are pretty cool, some are quite weird, and some are simply baffling to me.

Check this out, for example:

Why? Why would you want brass knuckles implanted on your chest? That just seems like it would be most unpleasant. *rolls eyes*

Here is another example of why people need to THINK very hard about their choices before getting inked:

Oh yeah, honey, the pink eyeshadow is really hardcore. *coughLosercough*

Super Groovy

This guy just made me giggle so much - how groovy is he?


Someone at this ad agency has been watching Salad Fingers!

If you don't know who Salad fingers is or how twisted the experience can be, go here That's my favorite episode, but there are 6 others. For that matter, there's plenty of other crazy shit on that site as well. David Firth is a sick puppy. lol

Harry, say it isn't so!

Dan Radcliffe, the star of the Harry Potter movies, will be appearing in Equus - a play about a stable boy who has "romantic relations" with his horses. Way to try to "break out of the mold", Dan! lol
Full details can be found here.

Sometimes work just kicks you in the arse...


But, it's the Message

You'll see some of your favorite bizarre internet characters getting together to spread an important message here at Check out the video. You can get the message if you can stifle the giggling enough to hear what they are singing.

Vader Madness

Ahh, youtube, I love you so. ...and we all love Darth Vader! Little did we know, however, that Luke wasn't his only son. Check out Chad Vader - Day Shift Manager

Wrong. Just wrong.

This person should be flogged.
Hmmm...perhaps that's what they were going after.

This is more like it!

That twist on Hello Kitty is much more appealing. *ahem*

Well, on that note, I think I'll sign off for now. I'd better get my ass back to work. hee

Have a great weekend!


August 01, 2006

Enough Bitching, Already

Ok, I've bitched and moaned enough. After being told by the IT guy that "there's no way we can recover those files" I did as I usually do and continued to pursue it. Thanks to the wonderful and very wise Owl (who was not at home when I called so I was denied the pleasure of hearing his sexy accent. lol) I have a file recovery program scanning as I speak, hopefully finding my lost goodies. Cross your fingers for me, people.

By the way, I know I've been negligent lately with the Short Attn. Span Friday posts. Never fear - I have not abadoned them. I have simply been overworked and suffering from a pissy attitude for the last few weeks. Vacation (despite yesterday's tribulations) was VERY theraputic and I am feeling quite refreshed and ambitious. I have gathered a lot of goodies over the past couple of weeks, so get your giggle sticks ready.

I feel compelled to mention what I did to myself this morning. Simply stated, I was washing my hair in a bit of a hurry and ended up stabbing/cutting myself on the forehead with a fingernail. Who the hell does something like that? It's not like I have daggers for nails or anything, but it hurt like hell and looks genuinely strange. How do you explain something like that? Gads, I amaze myself some times.

Ooh, ooh, look! I finally got a new picture of my tattoo cropped & uploaded and put on my sidebar. heehee! In case you've been wondering, I had to take down the lovely winky corseted Celti girl I had there because the artist who's original drawing/image/whateveryoucallit I had transformed was not happy about what I'd done to her. He said I could post her in her original form, but the problem is that she doesn't match (I have a thing about that) and she wasn' I'm sad and I miss her, but out of respect for the artist I took her down (though there were no copyrights or anything on his site saying images can't be used, blah blah. ack.). I'm too nice some times.

I've been working on some new writing projects & possibly a new blog that I've been tempted to tell you about. I hesitate, however, because I don't want to offend anyone though I scoff at myself at the same time since I'm generally not worried about that as you can tell from the colorful language in my previous post. I just don't want y'all to think less of me, you know? The reason for my hesitation is that the stories are rather...hmmm, what's the word...naughty. *sniggers* I don't know - we'll see. If you want to read some of the naughtiness, let me know and I'll point you the right direction.

Anyway, my scan is done so I need to go check out what it found. Vacation pictures and stories to come! (It takes a long time to dl, resize those buggers. I took a shitload.)