m Celtic Cross Celtic Cross - Average Everyday Sane Psycho Supergoddess

December 31, 2005

Happy New Year

Happy
New
Year
to
All!

Get your party on now, old man, because in 5 minutes, you're outta here!

Yeah, I'm drunk. heh

December 30, 2005

SASF v.12.30 - Die, 2005, Die!

Sooooo, 2005 is finally on it's last leg, getting ready to buy the farm, kick the bucket, pass awaaaaaaay. Yay! I'm looking forward to 2006 with much anticipation. Yes, there were a few good things about 2005 and for those I am thankful, but I feel that 2005 was a generally shitty year.

I know, I know...on with it. Alrighty then - I am staging a "New Orleans Style" funeral of sorts to celebrate the passing of this awful year with some death-related goodies (and a few others thrown in just for fun).

***
The Death Psychic

Learn how you are (allegedly) going to kick the bucket by consulting the Death Psychic. My prediction: "After years of mistreating telemarketers, your lifeless and battered body is found next to a bloodied telephone handset." Bwaaaahahahaha! That's such a riot - ironic because I do like to harrass telemarketers. They can "bring it on!".

***


Taphophilia

Taphophiliacs are fascinated with anything morbid. Cemetaries, funerals, corpses, zombies (yay zombies!), hauntings, autopsies, bones, body mix-ups, serial killers, stories of homocide, mass murder/ers, cannibalism, capital punishment, cemetary technology, cremation, cremation errors, decomposition, embalming/mummification, euthanasia, exhumation, grave robbing, strange historical facts, mourning, ossuaries, home burials, and pretty much anything else that's considered macabre or strange and unusual, usually in relation to death.

Heh. I didn't realize that there was actually a name for that kind of thing.


Well, if you are a taphophiliac (or just curious, for that matter), you can get more than your fair share of amusement at Taphophilia.com! It's like a morbid version of fark.com - mostly stories submitted by readers. There's always something interesting to ponder there.

***
Something Completely Different

Perhaps this is a good spot for a little "interlude".
This guy obviously had a SERIOUS case of the beer goggles. *snicker*

***
Corpse Bride

No, I'm not referring to the Tim Burton flick, but the legend of the corpse bride from Mexico (hmmm, wonder if Burton got his inspiration...nah). The haunting figure known as "La Pascualita" first appeared 75 years ago in the window of the bridal gown store in the city of Chihuahua. Since then, the striking realism of the dummy (including veined hands) has spawned supernatural tales and reports of a miracle, and even inspired a foot-stomping accordion ballad played on local radio. Local legend says that she is the decades-old embalmed corpse of the former store owner's daughter. Yikes.

***
Bizarre Deaths

Blatantly stolen borrowed from Prydwen (thank you!), I give you tales of the strange manner in which a few well-known characters departed...

Attila the Hun:
One of the most notorious villains in history, Attila's army had conquered all of Asia by 450 AD--from Mongolia to the edge of the Russian Empire--by destroying villages and pillaging the countryside.

How he died: He got a nosebleed on his wedding night

In 453 AD, Attila married a young girl named Ildico. Despite his reputation for ferocity on the battlefield, he tended to eat and drink lightly during large banquets. On his wedding night,however, he really cut loose, gorging himself on food and drink. Sometime during the night he suffered a nosebleed, but was too drunk to notice. He drowned in his own blood and was found dead the next morning.

Tycho Brahe:
An important Danish astronomer of the 16th century. His ground breaking research allowed Sir Isaac Newton to come up with the theory of gravity.

How he died: Didn't get to the bathroom in time

In the 16th century, it was considered an insult to leave a banquet table before the meal was over. Brahe, known to drink excessively, had a bladder condition -- but failed to relieve himself before the banquet started. He made matters worse by drinking too much at dinner, and was too polite to ask to be excused. His bladder finally burst, killing him slowly and painfully over the next 11 days.

Francis Bacon:
One of the most influential minds of the late 16th century. A statesman, a philosopher, writer, and scientist, he was even rumored to have written some of Shakespeare's plays.

How he died: Stuffing snow into a chicken

One afternoon in 1625, Bacon was watching a snowstorm and was struck by the wondrous notion that maybe snow could be used to preserve meat in the same way that salt was used. Determined to find out, he purchased a chicken from a nearby village, killed it, and then, standing outside in the snow, attempted to stuff the chicken full of snow to freeze it. The chicken never froze, but Bacon did.

Jerome Irving Rodale:
Founding father of the organic food movement, creator of "Organic Farming and Gardening" magazine, and founder of Rodale Press, a major publishing corporation.

How he died: On the "Dick Cavett Show", while discussing the benefits of organic foods.

Rodale, who bragged "I'm going to live to be 100 unless I'm run down by a sugar-crazed taxi driver," was only 72 when he appeared on the "Dick Cavett Show" in January 1971. Part way through the interview, he dropped dead in his chair. Cause of death: heart attack. The show was never aired.

Aeschylus:
A Greek playwright back in 500 BC. Many historians consider him the father of Greek tragedies.

How he died: An eagle dropped a tortoise on his head

According to legend, eagles picked up tortoises and attempt to crack them open by dropping them on rocks. An eagle mistook Aeschylus' head for a rock (he was bald) and dropped it on him instead.

Lully:
A favorite 16th-century composer who wrote music for the king of France.

While rehearsing the musicians, he got too serious beating time with his staff, and drove it right through his foot. He died of infection.

***
Frightened at the Rainbow Bridge

Sam, the Worlds Ugliest Dog, recently expired at the age of 14. A purebred Chinese Crested Hairless dog, he was the proud three-time champ of the World's Ugliest Dog Contest and appeared on numerous talk shows and TV shows. RIP Sam.

Yikes!

***
Ok, Then, Enough Death

Flip out Like a Ninja!

You just have to go there. It's those rathergood boys again. Wierd and wonky, it cheers me up when I'm down. Check it out. Ninja!

***
And the Winner Is...

Red Jak! As many of you are aware, I've been conducting taste tests of the plethora of sugar free energy drinks on the market, looking for one that does the trick and tastes decent. I've tried probably 5 or 6 more since I posted on this last, and Red Jak fits the bill. It tastes good, and has all the ingredients I was looking for with no wierd extras thrown in. Let's hear it for Red Jak!

***




Freakin' Amazing

I've always been fascinated by contortionists. It's so incredible how they can bend their bodies in ways that would seriously break most of us. Well, this girl has got it going on! You've gotta see this. Absofreakinlutely amazing.

***
Well, I've got more, but I think that's enough for this week. You all have a wonderful weekend, be careful out there and enjoy the ringing in of the new year! I wish you all the best for 2006.

Happy New Year!
Celti

December 29, 2005

HNT - Pity Party Cancelled

Well, I've managed to grab myself by the bootstraps again and yank. I'm feeling a little more optimistic and I'll just have to learn to be a bit more assertive with mister man to get the attention I need. Sound like a plan? I think so.

Soooo...I've neglected my "duty" to the HNT crowd. Better late than never? Yeah, that's what I thought.

It was requested of us, being the end of the year and all, to post our favorite HNT picture of the year. Well, I've never posted this pic for HNT, but I haven't been participating for that long, so I'm posting this one:

Even though the lighting makes my nose look even bigger than it is, I like this pic. It's a good one not only because it's the one that prompted my being referred to as "completely snoggable" (which made me smile like an idiot), but because it reflects my personality pretty well.

Happy HNT, peeps!
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Tired

I think I've got the post-holiday blahs. Today is Thursday - HNT, but I'm not going to participate. I just don't have it in me today. I think I'm coming down with a cold and I'm so tired.

I've been sitting here looking at this box for far too long now. As usual, there is a storm of thoughts going on inside my head, but I can't work any of it into a sufficiently coherent form to put it down here. This might not make much sense, but so be it. Blah.

New Years eve is coming and I dread it. I have no idea what I'll do that night. Probably the usual - general housework, hanging out with D until he goes to bed then watching TV until I crash. Probably won't even make it until midnight. I feel like I should do something to celebrate the passing of this horrible year, but how much fun is it to celebrate by yourself?

Chris seems to be pulling away from me again. Yeah, I know I just said a few days ago that things were going better and they have, but it's "gone South" again just recently. Things were really good there for a while, but he's back to drinking heavily and shutting me out. Immediately after dinner, he goes into the computer room, often with a friend or two, and spends the evening there, having lively conversation with his buddies or surfing the web if he's alone.

It's occurred to me here lately how long it's been since he and I actually had a conversation. Yeah, we talk, but we don't really talk. He shows no interest in me and I feel alone again. I hate that feeling.

I don't even think he reads this any more. He's just not interested.

I was thinking last night about how much time he spends with his friends and how much he talks to them compared to me. He used to say that I was his best friend. I don't think that's the case any more. I miss him.

I'm tired.
I'm tired of questioning myself.
I'm tired of analyzing this soul.
I'm tired of going in circles.
I'm tired of trying to figure people out.
I'm tired of searching and never finding.

I'm just tired.

December 28, 2005

...and Today's Guest Host Is...

Me! I'm guest-posting over at Jamie's Cerebral Clown Circus today.

Weeee!

December 27, 2005

And So It Goes

Sheesh, I got some really nice things for Christmas this year. I must have been better than I thought.

A big part of it was that my husband and I have smoothed over a lot of our differences and have began communicating and working together again. What a relief that is, I tell you. It's nice to feel like I have a partner again instead of feeling lost and flailing. That's a gift in itself. He said that he wanted to make up to me a lot of other occasions where he'd given me a whole lot of nothing but grief.

Of all the things I got, this is what I treasure the most:

The picture really does not do it justice. It is absolutely gorgeous, genuine leaded stained glass all the way from Ireland. I love stained glass and with Celtic knots, it couldn't be more perfect. It's hanging in my kitchen window where I'll see it all of the time. I also got a beautiful assortment of Celtic jewelry - a watch, earrings, necklace and two gorgeous silver barrettes.

The D-man, of course, made out like a bandit. I'm not even going to attempt to list his booty here. I was quite pooped out on Christmas morning, however, because I was up until 1am putting together Hot Wheels sets & such from "Santa" and set the stage complete with stuffed stockings and cookie crumbs/empty hot chocolate mug on the table. D was SO excited it was all so very worth it. Several things he opened and said "I've wanted this ALL MY LIFE!" lol

We also got to see Chris' brother and his wife, which was wonderful. They live in California, and we haven't seen them for more than a year. For those who remember, I've also made amends with my brother-in-law. It's nice to have loose ends tied up and peace restored.

We went to see Chronicles of Narnia yesterday. It was wonderful! I thought it was very well made, the effects were awesome and I highly recommend it.

2005 was really a horrible year for me, for the most part. I'm looking forward to 2006 with a lot of hope for more peace and happiness in my marriage, better mental health and stability, more rewarding and enduring friendships and improved financial situation.

Thank you, my blogger friends, for sticking with me through it all. I hope you all had as nice a Christmas as I did, as you all most definitely deserve it. *smooch!*

December 23, 2005

SASF v.12.23 - Ho Ho Ho

Happy Holidays, Everyone!

I've got a little holiday fun here for you today...

***
Dolls that Scare Me

Little girls like to find dollies under the tree. I was shopping for a wee girly in my life when I ran across some pretty stupid ones along with a few that were down-right scary:

The Erica Kane Crystal Ball Doll - now how many little girls do you know who watch soap operas? None? Yeah, that's what I thought. So, unless there are some pretty kooky housewifes/SAHMs out there, I don't see this one flying.











The Rosie O'Donnell doll -
ooh, creepy, it does kind of look like her (on a good day). Don't get me wrong - I like Rosie, but a doll? Why? Oh well.


















Whee! The Justin Timberlake marionette - oh, give me a break. I guess it would be kind of fun to make him do stupid things, though. Oh wait, he already does that. Sorry, ladies, but I think it said he's sold out. They have the rest of N'Sync, too. *gag*
















Harley Dude Ken doll - complete with 5 o'clock shadow. I think it's the helmet that does it for me. Ooooh, Ken! Take me for a ride! lol


















***
Not a Doll, but WTF?

Now, what the hell is up with this?
the Tighty Whitey Costume
Why? Why? Why?
I've seen plenty of idiots individuals around here that pull off this look on their own. It drives me crazy, by the way. I just want to run up to them and pull their pants up. heh









***
My Kinda Gifts

Now, if any of you want to get me one of these, you'll be my holiday hero!

The Avenging Unicorn Playset

"Everyone needs an imaginary unicorn friend that they can call forth to smite their enemies. The Avenging Unicorn Play Set has everything you need to use the power of the unicorn to rid your life of irritations! Put the posable, hard plastic unicorn on a flat surface and then impale one of three soft plastic figures included (businessman/boss, new age lady and mime)." *snort*

The Jack Skellington Mask - kick ass! This would be SO cool to have.


The Weebls Kenya Lion - He wants to come home with me. Actually, I collect stuffed lions, so he would make an excellent addition to my collection. He's from Kenya! They've got lions (and tigers).


***
Trippy Holiday

I have no idea where I found this, but it's damn cool. It's the HP Virtual Christmas card. Tons of mouse-over goodness in there. The more you play with it the more interesting it gets! (oh, stop it, you perv! lol)

HP Christmas

***
Sheesh! It's just an old man in a red suit!

These little boys and girls, just like many each year, were perched precariously on the knee of "Santa Claus" much to their dismay. Hilarity ensues...


"What are YOU laughing at? I'm gonna shove this candy cane..."


Man, check out that Santa! Creepy! I think I'd be scared too!


The double sibling scream. Man, Santa's got a tough job!


"Aaaaa! Yes, the freakin' beard is real!"


I think this could be defined as "having a shit fit".


Does Santa perform exorcisms?


"Gah! I'm doomed!"

***
Well, you all have a mighty fine holiday weekend and stay safe. I hope you get everything you had on your wish lists - unless you've been bad, that is. You haven't? bwaaaahahaha!

Warmest Wishes,
Celti

December 22, 2005

HNT - Happy Holidays

Tried a little experiment last night. It turned out pretty cool. Then I played with it some more in Photoshop. Hooray for fun with filters!



Happy Holidays, peeps and Happy
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December 21, 2005

Balancing Act

Ug. The D-Man was sick over the weekend with a stomach-flu type bug and guess what? Yep, you betcha - I got it. Came down with it the night before last. I'll spare you the gory details, let's just say I still hurt all over and eating is still out of the question. Maybe tomorrow... But hey! Maybe I've lost a few pounds. We could call it the dissentary diet.

Anyway, in the last couple of days, I've had a lot of time (between fitful naps and trips to the restroom) to think. The other day, the D-man's teacher and I had a talk and it seems that he's been having a little trouble conforming (for lack of a better word) - you know, standing in line, participating in the group and such. He's a bit of a free spirit.

I actually like this fact about him, and I try to encourage his creativity and independence. However, he's going to have trouble in school and in society if we don't find the right balance.

As I was explaining to him that he has to learn to stand in line and do as he's told, something in the back of my mind was screaming to stop. It actually hurt. I want him to be a free spirit and be self-confident, but I also want him to succeed and fit in and know how to be a "team player" when the time is right. How the hell do you teach them the right balance between these things?

I suppose it will come with time, and he will learn to judge when it's best to conform and when he can kick up his heels. I'm just doing my best to guide him. I struggled with this as a kid somewhat, and I'm hoping I can help him avoid some of the struggles. Then again, the struggle builds character. Gah!

Being a parent is one of the most wonderful things in the world, and it is also one of the most challenging.

Oh, and happy Winter Solstice/Yule. There'll be no feasting for me. *pout*

December 19, 2005

Kick Start My Ass

So, I'm not really a morning person. My life style, however, has forced me to conform - I am not particularly happy about this. I have to be up before the sun (gawd, that sucks), get my ass in gear, check my e-mail, check the weather, snarf down some protein (eggs, usually) and get the kid up, dressed, fed and off to preschool and myself to work by 8. It's a daunting task at times.

Yea, but this isn't what I intended to yap about today. My target subject (IF I can stay on task): Energy Drinks

Like many people, I need a boost in the morning. I like coffee, but since I don't have a bubbly barista waiting to serve me in my kitchen, it just doesn't fit well into my schedule. If I want to make a morning trip to my neighborhood Starbucks, I have to leave 15 minutes earlier, not to mention dealing with the overly friendly, bright and psychotic, patronizing drive through girl who makes me want to puke. "Bitch, I'm not in the mood for your bouncy shit, give me my coffee and shut up."

By the way, does anyone know how many carbs are in a pumpkin spice latte? I have a feeling I don't want to know.

So, I discovered Red Bull and have become a dedicated fan. This elixir of the Gods consisting of mostly Taurine, Glucuronolactone and Caffeine, give me a nice boost in the morning and gets me going. The problem is, it's got sugar in it - about 27 grams of it, in fact. You see, I'm on a low carb diet and I've been struggling lately to keep it rolling, so I'm looking to eliminate as many carbs as possible. My Austrian buddies make a sugar free Red Bull, but it has the evil aspartame (Nutrasweet) in it. Nutrasweet makes Celti VERY sick. No, no, no nutrasweet for me. Poo! My appeal to them to switch to Splenda has yet to be recognized.

Now, I like the taste of Red Bull. I decided, however, to try some of the other energy drinks on the market that are wise enough to make them with Splenda as opposed to Aspartame. I don't like soda pop and have a fairly picky palette, so I should have known this would be a challenge. Here is my report so far:

Monster Lo Carb: Eh, it's ok. It contains basically the same ingredients as Red Bull but with a little Panax Ginseng Root Extract added. Oooh, bonus! The flavor, on the other hand, is not so good. It tasted a bit like medicine and had that sweet syrupy taste that reminded me of Mountain Dew (ewwww). Moving along...

Amp: Ok, this shit tastes like someone took a mighty asparagus piss and threw a bunch of sweetener in it. Yuck! I could hardly stand to choke it down. No freakin' way am I buying this again. I guess I should have known - it's made by the Mountain Dew people. Blargh!

This morning's selection: Rock Star: Not too bad. Really, the best so far, I think. They've added a few extras, too, such as Carnitine, Ginkgo and some B vitamins. The taste isn't too bad, and they claim it will make me party like a rock star. (I wonder if they're affiliated with RockStar Games...?) Behold:

"Who the hell is this goon and...What? Smile? Ohhh kaaaay."

You know I had to include this picture of James Hetfield. Not necessarily because he's holding a Rock Star, but because he's sexy and...never mind.

Still in the fridge waiting to be sampled:
Sobe Adrenaline Rush
Full Throttle

Good Gawd, look at this list: Energy Drink Reviews

Holy crap, I've got my work cut out for me! Recommendations are more than welcome here, people.

Update, 10 a.m.: I'm feeling very energetic and enthused this morning. Coincidence or is it the Rock Star? Time will tell - I think I'll be trying that one again.

December 16, 2005

SASF v.12.16

Whew. What a week. Sorry about that little hiatus there, folks. There are times when I'm just not in a place mentally that will allow me to post. I start one, scrap it, start another, scrap it...

I am dealing much better today than I have been all week. It wasn't even Christmas, really...I have that all taken care of, shopping done, all that, but it was just everything. Aw hell, there's no sense in trying to explain. Let's just get to the good stuff, shall we?

***
Dear Santa

December 24, 2005

Santa Clause
North Pole, Earth

Dear Santa,

I have been a good girl.

It really wasn't my fault what happened at HEPcat's Office party. It was Derek who spiked the punch with too much vodka. I can't help it if I drank 13 glasses. It was so good---smelled and tasted just like Roasting Chestnuts.

I thought it was funny when I put Owl's elf shorts on my head and danced the mexican hat dance on the couch while singing 'la macarena'. I didn't mean to break HEPcat's vibrator and don't know why she would accuse me of indecent exposure.

I don't remember calling Jamie's wife a bewildered monkey---even though she looked like one with white eye shadow and black lipstick! And when I threw up on Nanner's boyfriend's legs, it was only because I ate too much of that cheesecake.

After all that fun, I admit I was a little tired. So I fell asleep on my way home and drove my Hummer through my neighbor's bathroom. I don't think that was any reason for my neighbor to call me a stinky dog and have me arrested for OWI!

So, Santa...here I sit in my jail cell on Christmas Eve, all silly and scandalous. And I'm really not to blame for any of this horrible stuff. Please bring me what I want the most---bail money!

Sincerely and Swimmingly Yours,
Celti (Really a nice girl!)

P.S. It's only 3 bucks!


*snicker*
Make your own letter to Santa here.

***
Awwww, Fart!

This is just too much fun. Some of them are damned gross, but let's face it - farts are funny and always will be. Thanks, Sid! Too bad they don't have a "fart of doom"!

***
Ads on Wheels

These trucks are from Germany. I thought they were way cool!















***
Cuckoo

The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!"

Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times.

Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed...3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNITE!)

The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him "Midnight". He didn't seem pissed off at all. Whew! Got away with that one!

Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock."

When I asked him why, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, "Oh. Shit", cuckooed 4 more times, cleared it's throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted."

***
A Ditty 4 You

Man, this site is awesome. This guy takes issues that annoy him (or interest him, I suppose) then writes and performs little songs about them. They're a scream! You'll find gems such as "Graffiti Ain't Cool, You're Like 30", "Laugh Tracks Make Me Feel Lonely", and my favorite - "Cranberry, You're Fantastic" - a tribute to jellied cranberry sauce. *sigh* lol

***
15 Things & A Minute

1. At least 5 people in this world love you so much they would die for you.
2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.
4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.
5. Every night, someone thinks about you before they go to sleep.
6. You mean the world to someone.
7. If not for you, someone may not be living.
8. You are special and unique.
9. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.
10. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.
11. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look - you most likely turned your back on the world.
12. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you believe in yourself, probably, sooner or later, you will get it.
13. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.
14. Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know.
15. If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they are great.

A Minute:
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but an entire life to forget them.

Ok, some of it is a leaning towards the "honey dripping" side of things, but there are some good things to ponder there.

Thanks, Michelle!

***
Have a wonderful weekend, blog peeps and lurkers. Hope your holidays are going swimmingly. I wish you all warm cookies and hot chocolate, everything on your wish list and, mostimportantly, peace.

Celti

December 14, 2005

Can I Exhale Yet?

Sorry for the lack of posts. Trust me, it's not a good sign.

I'll be quite frank. I'm not handling things well right now. I'm filled to the brim with anxiety and I feel completely overwhelmed. The details aren't even important. I am riding on the edge of a meltdown.

I saw the doctor today, but couldn't get my new medicine because the insurance company needs some kind of presidential approval or some shit. So I wait.

Now I need to find something to make all these torments stop swirling around in my head before it explodes.

stop the world
I want to get off.

December 12, 2005

Gulp

Well, I just swallowed the last post. If you read it, sorry. If you missed it, lucky you. I'm just kind of a ball of torment today, but hey...

Thank you so much to HEPcat and Derek for cheering me up. You guys are the bomb. *smooch*

So, I had a few pictures to share with you today. First, on Saturday, the D-Man and I baked Christmas cookies.


Ta da! We really did bake and decorate them. No, I didn't buy them at a bakery like Chris thought when he came home and saw them. They were gooood (and they're also very gone. Sheesh!)

We celebrated Christmas with my parents yesterday because they're heading South for the winter today. They got the D-man an awesome camping set and he was so thrilled. It has a tent, flashlight, sleeping bag and compass. Well, little mister camper insisted on "camping" last night in his room...





He spent the night in the tent and was happy as a clam. That little boy has no idea how much he brightens my life.

December 09, 2005

SASF v.12.9 - Aw, c'mon...Don't Be Offended!

There is no theme here, really. Just rudeness and whackiness. I cannot be held responsible for any of this stuff as I just stole it from somewhere else. (Disclaimer - check. Of course, a lot of the comments are mine, but... never mind.)

If anyone sends me another foofoo-happy-holiday-honey-dripping-merry-freaking-christmas-message-which-must-be-forwarded-to-all-your-friends-or-you'll-die-e-mail, I'm sicking my cat on them.



I will not let holiday stress get to me.
I will not let holiday stress get to me.
I will not let holiday stress get to me.

*deep breath*
OK! On with the show!

***
HA HA HA HA HA

There's a new brand of ice cream on the market, friends and neighbors - Star Spangled Ice Cream.



The idea is brilliant, the names of the flavors (like the ones listed above) are hilarious and Ted Nugent is backing them. I'll leave it at that - just go check them out. I'm off to go get me some "School Prayerleens & Creme"

***
Let's Pretend

A man and a woman who had never met before, but were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on an intercontinental train.
Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly...He in the upper bunk, she in the lower.

At 1.00 a.m. the man leaned over and gently woke the woman saying "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

"I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married." "Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed.

"Good," she replied. "Get your own f**king blanket."

After a moment of silence, he farted.

***
Hair Shirt?


Holy shit! I'm... He's... Never mind. *ralph*

***
Holiday Cheer at Burger King

Soooo bad, and yet sooo funny.

***
Targeted Advertising

Working in marketing, I have a thorough understanding of the benefits of what's referred to as targeted advertising. However, some of these ads on websites just go too far:







They're just so wrong, and yet I'm giggling. I am not right. lol

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Overheard

Outside my office door about 10 minutes ago: "What? I don't understand. You're speaking in dumbass again." *much chortling*

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The Mullet

Ahhhh, mullets. They be dreamy, yes? Bear with me here, there's some 'splainin' to do.

First, a definition: Mullet (mulit): a hairstyle, common among those of lower socio-economic status, consisting of short, well groomed hair on the anterior area of the head and long, flowing locks on the posterior area of the head. Also referred to as Drape Ape, Wisconsin Waterfall, Mississippi Mud Flap, Missouri Compromise, Neck Blanket.


This specimen is a clear demonstration of a classic mullet. Note how he proudly displays his exotic plumages while in a menacing stance. The mesh tank top, digital watch, silver chain and molester mustache all add points to this fine specimen's overall look of mulletide.

Subspecies: the Camaro Cut
This cut used to have full reign over the mullet brethren, but that was back in the 70s. This speciies has fallen from grace since, but can still be seen enjoying REO Speedwagon and Styx concerts, or up in the attic cooking up crank. Note the tight fitting acid wash blue jeans, peach fuzzy mustache and all-important key ring hanging from the belt. Feel the mulletude eminating from your screen?

moving

right

along

...

Ah, yes, the Minitruck Mullet. Thought to be extinct in 1994, the Minitruck mullet is a rare sighting. The flap ends close to the bottom of the neck, sporting a more conservative look. The preferred attire of this speciies is Oakley Razorblade sunglasses, a turtleneck with a gold cross chain, and tight fitting Guess jeans. Their vehicle usually has a lame slogan airbrused on the tail gate, such as "U Snooz, U Looz" or "Teal Dream" or perhaps a No Fear or Calvin Pissing sticker.


The Porn Mullet - an elegant blend of form and function.


The Femmullet. There are many varieties of the Femmullet. Despite popular belief, not all femmullets are dykemullets, but all dykemullets are femmullets. Above, we see a Powerdykemullet, a business femullet and a retail femmullet (also known as the Wal-Mullet or K-Mullet).

Oh yes, the Permullet! This mullet has been specially treated with a permanent. This primping of the mullet head's plumage means that the subject takes great pride in his lifestyle. The permullet tends to be a little less agressive than his or her counterparts due to the desire not to taint the mullet with the sweat that would be released in the process of kicking your ass.

The Skullet - growing in popularity across the country. Recent research shows that Skullets are older men needing to compensate for upper dome hair loss by growing wild and wooly neck blankets.

Mullet Hot Spots:
Professional Wrasslin' Matches
County & State Fairs
Monster Truck Rallies
Dog Tracks

I used to have a mullet. Yes, I did. No, I do not have a picture to share. It was 1984, ok!? It was cool then...in Iowa...small town Iowa. Shaddup.



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Well, here's where I wish you a dandy weekend. So...have a nice weekend, be good to eachother, destress, and stay safe. Y'all come back now, y'hear?

Celti

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