December 30, 2005

SASF v.12.30 - Die, 2005, Die!

Sooooo, 2005 is finally on it's last leg, getting ready to buy the farm, kick the bucket, pass awaaaaaaay. Yay! I'm looking forward to 2006 with much anticipation. Yes, there were a few good things about 2005 and for those I am thankful, but I feel that 2005 was a generally shitty year.

I know, I know...on with it. Alrighty then - I am staging a "New Orleans Style" funeral of sorts to celebrate the passing of this awful year with some death-related goodies (and a few others thrown in just for fun).

The Death Psychic

Learn how you are (allegedly) going to kick the bucket by consulting the Death Psychic. My prediction: "After years of mistreating telemarketers, your lifeless and battered body is found next to a bloodied telephone handset." Bwaaaahahahaha! That's such a riot - ironic because I do like to harrass telemarketers. They can "bring it on!".



Taphophiliacs are fascinated with anything morbid. Cemetaries, funerals, corpses, zombies (yay zombies!), hauntings, autopsies, bones, body mix-ups, serial killers, stories of homocide, mass murder/ers, cannibalism, capital punishment, cemetary technology, cremation, cremation errors, decomposition, embalming/mummification, euthanasia, exhumation, grave robbing, strange historical facts, mourning, ossuaries, home burials, and pretty much anything else that's considered macabre or strange and unusual, usually in relation to death.

Heh. I didn't realize that there was actually a name for that kind of thing.

Well, if you are a taphophiliac (or just curious, for that matter), you can get more than your fair share of amusement at! It's like a morbid version of - mostly stories submitted by readers. There's always something interesting to ponder there.

Something Completely Different

Perhaps this is a good spot for a little "interlude".
This guy obviously had a SERIOUS case of the beer goggles. *snicker*

Corpse Bride

No, I'm not referring to the Tim Burton flick, but the legend of the corpse bride from Mexico (hmmm, wonder if Burton got his inspiration...nah). The haunting figure known as "La Pascualita" first appeared 75 years ago in the window of the bridal gown store in the city of Chihuahua. Since then, the striking realism of the dummy (including veined hands) has spawned supernatural tales and reports of a miracle, and even inspired a foot-stomping accordion ballad played on local radio. Local legend says that she is the decades-old embalmed corpse of the former store owner's daughter. Yikes.

Bizarre Deaths

Blatantly stolen borrowed from Prydwen (thank you!), I give you tales of the strange manner in which a few well-known characters departed...

Attila the Hun:
One of the most notorious villains in history, Attila's army had conquered all of Asia by 450 AD--from Mongolia to the edge of the Russian Empire--by destroying villages and pillaging the countryside.

How he died: He got a nosebleed on his wedding night

In 453 AD, Attila married a young girl named Ildico. Despite his reputation for ferocity on the battlefield, he tended to eat and drink lightly during large banquets. On his wedding night,however, he really cut loose, gorging himself on food and drink. Sometime during the night he suffered a nosebleed, but was too drunk to notice. He drowned in his own blood and was found dead the next morning.

Tycho Brahe:
An important Danish astronomer of the 16th century. His ground breaking research allowed Sir Isaac Newton to come up with the theory of gravity.

How he died: Didn't get to the bathroom in time

In the 16th century, it was considered an insult to leave a banquet table before the meal was over. Brahe, known to drink excessively, had a bladder condition -- but failed to relieve himself before the banquet started. He made matters worse by drinking too much at dinner, and was too polite to ask to be excused. His bladder finally burst, killing him slowly and painfully over the next 11 days.

Francis Bacon:
One of the most influential minds of the late 16th century. A statesman, a philosopher, writer, and scientist, he was even rumored to have written some of Shakespeare's plays.

How he died: Stuffing snow into a chicken

One afternoon in 1625, Bacon was watching a snowstorm and was struck by the wondrous notion that maybe snow could be used to preserve meat in the same way that salt was used. Determined to find out, he purchased a chicken from a nearby village, killed it, and then, standing outside in the snow, attempted to stuff the chicken full of snow to freeze it. The chicken never froze, but Bacon did.

Jerome Irving Rodale:
Founding father of the organic food movement, creator of "Organic Farming and Gardening" magazine, and founder of Rodale Press, a major publishing corporation.

How he died: On the "Dick Cavett Show", while discussing the benefits of organic foods.

Rodale, who bragged "I'm going to live to be 100 unless I'm run down by a sugar-crazed taxi driver," was only 72 when he appeared on the "Dick Cavett Show" in January 1971. Part way through the interview, he dropped dead in his chair. Cause of death: heart attack. The show was never aired.

A Greek playwright back in 500 BC. Many historians consider him the father of Greek tragedies.

How he died: An eagle dropped a tortoise on his head

According to legend, eagles picked up tortoises and attempt to crack them open by dropping them on rocks. An eagle mistook Aeschylus' head for a rock (he was bald) and dropped it on him instead.

A favorite 16th-century composer who wrote music for the king of France.

While rehearsing the musicians, he got too serious beating time with his staff, and drove it right through his foot. He died of infection.

Frightened at the Rainbow Bridge

Sam, the Worlds Ugliest Dog, recently expired at the age of 14. A purebred Chinese Crested Hairless dog, he was the proud three-time champ of the World's Ugliest Dog Contest and appeared on numerous talk shows and TV shows. RIP Sam.


Ok, Then, Enough Death

Flip out Like a Ninja!

You just have to go there. It's those rathergood boys again. Wierd and wonky, it cheers me up when I'm down. Check it out. Ninja!

And the Winner Is...

Red Jak! As many of you are aware, I've been conducting taste tests of the plethora of sugar free energy drinks on the market, looking for one that does the trick and tastes decent. I've tried probably 5 or 6 more since I posted on this last, and Red Jak fits the bill. It tastes good, and has all the ingredients I was looking for with no wierd extras thrown in. Let's hear it for Red Jak!


Freakin' Amazing

I've always been fascinated by contortionists. It's so incredible how they can bend their bodies in ways that would seriously break most of us. Well, this girl has got it going on! You've gotta see this. Absofreakinlutely amazing.

Well, I've got more, but I think that's enough for this week. You all have a wonderful weekend, be careful out there and enjoy the ringing in of the new year! I wish you all the best for 2006.

Happy New Year!


  1. An ill-tempered waiter, dissatisfied with your gratuity, beats you to death with a pepper mill. At least I'm not going to burn to death. LOL

  2. I wouldn't talk so fast there Trash, is that a trail of smoke coming out of your arse or are ya just glad to see me?

    Happy new year Celti!
    Death to 2005 is right.
    And a slow death it has been.

    I have to steal your death predicter. Only problem... everyone who visits me visits you too. So it'll be old news, but fun none the less.

    Love ya!
    talk to ya soon!

  3. mine was kinda freaky... apparently i'm going to be shot by a crazed maniac in a movie theatre, and i will slump forward in my seat, and blood will come out of my mouth. it figures. by the time i actually get to go to a movie, i'll get killed in the middle of it. sheesh.

    the kitty ninja cheered me up, tho'. my kitten watched it with me. it was cute!

  4. To the guy in the video,

    Uh, gimme my underwear back, ok?


  5. The Death Psychic freaked me out! It basically told the story of a nightmare that I have had since I was very little.
    Make it stop! Make it stop!

  6. That death psychic thing was too weird. It said I would be hit in the chest with a baseball in a batting cage, go into cardiac arrest and die within minutes. Frightening, but, then again, I am one of those philiac thingies...


  7. After all these years of my family and my wife telling to knock it off before I kill myself I am finally vindicated.

    "You die in your sleep from old age. (Boring, ain't it?)"

    Booyah baby! I cando whatever I want and I'll just slip away one night!!!

    I always envisioned some comically tragic death like accidentally inhaling my nose and suffocating.

    Or getting my hand caught in a chicken while stuffing it for roasting and getting salmonella from it's rotting body.

    Comic gold baby!

  8. Trash - Ouch! Damn...the burning comes after that, I think. ;)

    Tricia - lol, you goof. Happy New Year to you! Go ahead - it is fun. hugs!

    Sid - yikes! At least you go quickly. Love that kitty ninja.

    Serra - lol!

    Sylvana - oh, that IS freaky!

    Nanner - do you practice batting often? I think I'd avoid it. lol

    Pete - heh - vindicated, indeed! Party on, dude! lol
    Hey, I like salmon. What? Oh...eww. never mind.