Kick Start My Ass

So, I'm not really a morning person. My life style, however, has forced me to conform - I am not particularly happy about this. I have to be up before the sun (gawd, that sucks), get my ass in gear, check my e-mail, check the weather, snarf down some protein (eggs, usually) and get the kid up, dressed, fed and off to preschool and myself to work by 8. It's a daunting task at times.

Yea, but this isn't what I intended to yap about today. My target subject (IF I can stay on task): Energy Drinks

Like many people, I need a boost in the morning. I like coffee, but since I don't have a bubbly barista waiting to serve me in my kitchen, it just doesn't fit well into my schedule. If I want to make a morning trip to my neighborhood Starbucks, I have to leave 15 minutes earlier, not to mention dealing with the overly friendly, bright and psychotic, patronizing drive through girl who makes me want to puke. "Bitch, I'm not in the mood for your bouncy shit, give me my coffee and shut up."

By the way, does anyone know how many carbs are in a pumpkin spice latte? I have a feeling I don't want to know.

So, I discovered Red Bull and have become a dedicated fan. This elixir of the Gods consisting of mostly Taurine, Glucuronolactone and Caffeine, give me a nice boost in the morning and gets me going. The problem is, it's got sugar in it - about 27 grams of it, in fact. You see, I'm on a low carb diet and I've been struggling lately to keep it rolling, so I'm looking to eliminate as many carbs as possible. My Austrian buddies make a sugar free Red Bull, but it has the evil aspartame (Nutrasweet) in it. Nutrasweet makes Celti VERY sick. No, no, no nutrasweet for me. Poo! My appeal to them to switch to Splenda has yet to be recognized.

Now, I like the taste of Red Bull. I decided, however, to try some of the other energy drinks on the market that are wise enough to make them with Splenda as opposed to Aspartame. I don't like soda pop and have a fairly picky palette, so I should have known this would be a challenge. Here is my report so far:

Monster Lo Carb: Eh, it's ok. It contains basically the same ingredients as Red Bull but with a little Panax Ginseng Root Extract added. Oooh, bonus! The flavor, on the other hand, is not so good. It tasted a bit like medicine and had that sweet syrupy taste that reminded me of Mountain Dew (ewwww). Moving along...

Amp: Ok, this shit tastes like someone took a mighty asparagus piss and threw a bunch of sweetener in it. Yuck! I could hardly stand to choke it down. No freakin' way am I buying this again. I guess I should have known - it's made by the Mountain Dew people. Blargh!

This morning's selection: Rock Star: Not too bad. Really, the best so far, I think. They've added a few extras, too, such as Carnitine, Ginkgo and some B vitamins. The taste isn't too bad, and they claim it will make me party like a rock star. (I wonder if they're affiliated with RockStar Games...?) Behold:

"Who the hell is this goon and...What? Smile? Ohhh kaaaay."

You know I had to include this picture of James Hetfield. Not necessarily because he's holding a Rock Star, but because he's sexy and...never mind.

Still in the fridge waiting to be sampled:
Sobe Adrenaline Rush
Full Throttle

Good Gawd, look at this list: Energy Drink Reviews

Holy crap, I've got my work cut out for me! Recommendations are more than welcome here, people.

Update, 10 a.m.: I'm feeling very energetic and enthused this morning. Coincidence or is it the Rock Star? Time will tell - I think I'll be trying that one again.