May 31, 2005


What a nice weekend! Really - one of the best I've had in a long time.

Saturday morning, I packed up my gear and headed out to the East to visit blogger buddy Cootera. I chatted with a few friends on the phone on the way there, and jammed out to Linkin Park, singing at the top of my lungs like the freak that I really am. It was awesome. Rock Star! \m/

Found Ang's place easily and was greeted with a big ole hug and a VERY excited Poog. hee hee! Love that dog. He's a hoot.

We sat and chatted for a bit while I got to know the poog, and decided to head down stairs to George's - the bar that she works in on weekends. She took the day off, though, just for me. awwww. So, the drinking began at noon. Yup. Noon. Anyway, we hit the bar and I was introduced to many of the regulars who were there or came in and out. Several of them paused to have a drink with us and one even bought us drinks. It was quite amusing how, after they'd leave, Ang would tell me what they're all about (like getting laid, for example. Move along, buster! *snicker*).

See, Ang really loves me! *snicker snort*

After sucking down three margaritas, we walked to the Co-op. IA City has an awesome co-op that specializes in health foods, organics and unusual things you can't find elsewhere. I was entirely too excited about finding Tiptree lemon curd - it's the best and VERY hard to find here in the states. Yeah, it's a British thing. They also had a nice array of French cheeses that I giddily jumped around about. I got a nice little patchouli plant to put in my garden (yay!) and Ang called me a fucking hippy the rest of the time. So? Whaddaya wanna make of it!? lol! We grabbed some lunch (mmmm...Salmon!) and went back to George's to eat.

After spending most of the afternoon drinking and chatting, we went back upstairs and played with the poog some more. He was great fun. Gus & I played tug-o-war as seen in the pic - yeah, I know it's blurry - there was a whole lotta wiggling going on!

(Total alcohol consumed = 5 margaritas in 3 hours)

He has this blankey (his humpy) which he bites and chews, roots around in and humps. Silly dog. Well, when I pulled out my body pillow (yeah yeah, ok) Gus thought it was his new humpy! LOL! Hey, that's MY humpy, dawg! lol. Gus is a little bandit - he'll steal your lighter and go eat it if you let him, and he did manage to eat about half of my blistex before Ang caught him. The funniest thing he did, though, was talk to his food. The dog actually has a brief conversation with his food before eating it. Funniest damn thing. I tried to get him on video with the digi, but every time I'd poke my head around the corner he'd stop and look at me like "wha?". Such funny expressions. Gus is a doll and I wanted to take him home with me.

When we came back upstairs, Ang made Sloppy Virgins. They contain lemonade, apple juice, vodka and beer. Sounds yucky but they were gooood. We sucked down two pitchers in no time. Now, keep in mind that I'm a lightweight - doesn't take much to get me schnockered at all.

Yep...I was shitfaced. It's all Ang's fault! LOL. She was too. So, what to do? How about some DRUNK BLOGGING! Woot! So, if perhaps you were one of the lucky few who got obnoxious, drunk comments on your blogs from us, we are not responsible. heh

I got to watch Iron Chef for the first time! Woo hoo! What a hoot! Cracked me up and I got to take several episodes home on VHS which I will enjoy thoroughly. We didn't play the drinking game, though....hell, we were already drunk.

Considering the level of our inebriation, we opted to order in dinner (calzones...mmmm) and just hung out. We finally crashed around ...oh, I dunno - 1? Ang?

Total alcohol consumed in under 12 hours = 5 margaritas, one CUP of vodka and a beer. I think I went to sleep just in time to avoid the spins. heh

Gussie goes in his kennel for the night, so I was greeted at what seemed like dawn by him complaining about the need to evacuate his bladder. After several minutes of burying my head under a pillow, I let him out. Fortunately, there was a pee pad available for him, so I didn't have to face the light of day. He did his bizness and then I put him back in the kennel. He was NOT happy, and continued to file complaints. Soon, Ang roused and came out. We were up for the day. So much for sleeping in. Lucky for me, I don't get hangovers.

We checked to see if there were any responses to our drunken comments - nope. Party poopers. I set Ang up with yahoo IM (weee!) and a new gravatar and then we managed to pour ourselves out the door to go to breakfast. We had a yummy breakfast and I ate toast and potatoes (gasp!) with my omelet du frommage (smoked gouda...mmmm). It felt good to be so bad. lol

Back to the co-op to buy more smelly cheese and 10 freaking pounds of pistachios for Ang (freak! hippy! freak! hippy!) and I got some smelly oils to play with in a purty little blue bottle (hippy!). Easily amused, I know...

About this time is when I discovered I had a parking ticket and a flat time. D'oh! Shit fire. Knowing full well what my chances were of finding a tire shop open on the Sunday afternoon before Memorial Day, I figured I'd just pump it up and head home.

After a while I did just that. I stopped in the Amanas (only 30-40 miles out) and found it half flat again. Damn. I bought an emergency tire repair thing and pumped it up. Headed West again and checked it again about half way - half flat again and I could hear the psssssst coming from it. Fuck. I stressed out and stayed in the right hand lane all the way home. As I slowed down coming into town, I noticed it was shimmying something serious, so I stopped at a station. It was COMPLETELY FLAT. fuck. So, as I pumped it up yet again, the bulges in the sidewall became more and more clear - two huge bubble like bulges in the sidewall as big as a couple of fists. Jeepers! I am SO lucky I din't have a blowout. I limped home on it half inflated. Today, I'm on a donut and get to spend my lunch hour in the tire shop. YAY.

I had a fabulous time with Ang and will have to do that again! I'll continue on with the rest of my hollyday weekend in tomorrows post: Go karting and flowers. weee!

May 28, 2005

Aye Aye

I'm hanging out at Cootera's this weekend. Let's just say I'll wait a bit to allow some brain cells to recover before I attempt to retell tales of patchouli, wiggling humpy poog, sloppy virgins and George's regulars looking for love. heh

Why the hell am I up so early? Oh yeah...Gus. I'd forgotten about the dog/early morning pee routine. How quickly we forget.

In the mean time, I was tagged by Miss Brighton to provide the following information for your amusement:

1) Number of films I own on DVD/video: hmmmm...probably 50-75

2) The last film I bought: Star Wars "Clone Wars" for D.

3) The last film I watched: The Full Monty (yeah, I know...I'm behind). Loved it!

4) Five films that I watch a lot or that mean a lot to me (in no particular order):
The Big Lebowski
Sling Blade
O Brother Where Art Thou?
The Princess Bride ("aaaasssss yoooouuuu wiiiiiish")

5) Tag 5 people and have them put this in their journal:
Nah, I don't have a vindictive bone in my body this morning. Take the baton if you want it. :)

May 27, 2005

SASF - Evil Thoughts

Muaaaahahaha! It's Friday, cheeeldren. I'm feeling a little discombobulated, a bit jaded, a smidge frustrated and a lot wicked. Nothing like a good strong dose of evil to knock around a bit.

(my apologies to those with dial-up - this one may take a bit to load)

Found an awesome picture for my profile yesterday. It's from a musical that is coming around, one I'd like to see if I get the chance.

It's up to you to figure out which one I am. heh

This inspired me to contemplate and explore that lovely word, Wicked, so I googled it and here is the first image that came up:

Aaaaahh, it's Rasputin and Kroenen from Hellboy. I love this movie - yes, it's a comic book movie and yes, there is serious cheese factor, but I still love it. Oh, and what an evil pair they are...

That reminds me - did you know that the real Rasputin has a bit of himself on display in a museum? Well, actually, more than a bit - it seems that his naughty bits were quite large. Pickled in a jar for museum goers to ogle... See it here (with story).

I digress. Ahem.

As I continued to google the words wicked and evil, I came up with some rather amusing images:

A lovely tattoo that is scratching at my urge to get a sun or celtic cross. This one is now in the top 3. Loooovely.

A rather amusing symbol for my gender. Another possible tatt...hee hee

The "Evil Twin" - I love this picture. I have it on my wallpaper now. heh. It's more me than Aimee, though...reminds me of myself when I get really pissed off. ;p

Evil Muppets - things are often not as they seem.

Photoshop Fun - Definitive Movies
Though not necessarily evil, decidedly amusing...

This one just made me giggle.

LOVE Walken..

No offense to King fans - I'm one myself, but you have to admit that some of the movies did blow. lol

*snicker, snicker*

More photoshop fun can be found here where they've had tons of fun with "psychochick." Man, I love photoshop.

This blog was found through a link from someone I link to...sorry, can't remember. But it's damned funny and downright irreverent. So wrong, but so right.

Crying while eating. This made me giggle like a dork. I think it's the reasons for the crying that did it for me, like "Sex will never be that good again" or "Not convinced by Anakin's turn to the dark side."

Twisted History - speaks for itself. You can add it to your sidebar to update automatically. Sweet! Found this at a cop's blog, in fact. heh heh

May 26, 2005

Do What You Have to Do

What ravages of spirit
Conjured this temptuous rage
Created you a monster
Broken by the rules of love

And fate has led you through it
You do what you have to do
And fate has led you through it
You do what you have to do ...

And I have the sense to recognize that
I don't know how to let you go

Every moment marked
With apparitions of your soul
I'm ever swiftly moving
Trying to escape this desire

The yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do
The yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do

But I have the sense to recognize
That I don't know how
To let you go
I don't know how
To let you go

A glowing ember
Burning hot
Burning slow
Deep within I'm shaken by the violence
Of existing for only you

I know I can't be with you
I do what I have to do
I know I can't be with you
I do what I have to do

And I have sense to recognize but
I don't know how to let you go

Too Busy to Blog

gah! Stoopid work. Got WAY too much to do to make a real post today.

I want to talk about my search for a dog, seeing the new Star Wars, my upcoming weekend frolics, the fact that my purse reeks of beef jerky, blah blah blah. *grumble grumble*

So, I'll share some lovely lyrics with you. They're from one of my favorite Liz Phair songs. Yeah...I know. Whatever. She rocks and I think they're cool, so hush. :)



Don't look sexy but it just feels right
Not too dirty and it's not too tight
Why I never threw it out, I'll never know exactly why

Keep it in the drawer beside my bed
It's faded pink now, but it used to be red
Starting to fray at the seams, but I know that you'll still love me
Like you did, like you did
Like before, like before
Like we will, like we will
Be doin' it once more

Oh baby know what your like?
You're like my favorite underwear
It just feels right, you know it
Oh baby know how you feel?
You feel like my favorite underwear
And I'm slipping you on again tonight

Leave you lyin' on the bedroom floor
I leave you hangin' on the bathroom door
Take you for granted, but I'll always know exactly where you are

Lost you once you were hard to find
Got you back you didn't look like mine
Thought we were falling apart but you make me feel so pretty
Like you did, like you did
Like before, like before
Like we will, like we will
Be doin' it once more

Oh baby know what your like?
You're like my favorite underwear
It just feels right, you know it
Oh baby know how you feel?
You feel like my favorite underwear
And I'm slipping you on again tonight
Slipping you on again tonight
Wrap me and roll me, hold me tight
Tear me apart and make me new
Like you always do

Oh baby know what your like?
You're like my favorite underwear
It just feels right, you know it

You feel you're like this is what I want
You feel, you feel

Slipping you on again tonight

May 25, 2005

Go to Frickin' BED!

I'm lacking sleep. Yep. For the first time in my life, I'm having trouble sleeping. It SUCKS!

For the last few months, I've been staying up late having fun chatting with people on IM. A lot of my "chatter" friends live on the West Coast, so they have a two hour advantage over me. When it's 9pm thier time and they're ready to chat, it's 11pm my time. Oy.

I've begun noticing the effects of this - knock 2 or three hours of sleep off per night and it catches up with you. So, I made a promise to myself to get to bed earlier. Riiiight. Easier said than done. After finishing up a quick chat with someone last night around 10, I thought I'd pop around the blogs for a few then crash. I fooled around with blogger for a while since it had decided to get a kink in it's tail and not allow access to certain blogs, including my own. Then I read a few that would come up, then I ended up chatting with someone else until damned near midnight. Crap. This morning I am soooo tired.

I used to fall asleep in front of the TV before 10. Although that is lame, why can't I shut my damned brain off before midnight now? Sheesh! Stupid wheels won't stop turning.

I'm in much better shape today emotionally than the last couple of days. I've come to terms with recent events and understand now that it's how it has to be. Circumstances beyond our control and rational, honest minds won't allow feelings and emotions to reign. It's realism at it's starkest - cruel, harsh reality wins again. pffft. Some day I'll get my prize. Now, if I could only get my sleep cycle straightened out and control my damned dreams once I am out. Now that's another challenge entirely. The one I had last night is going to haunt me all damned day, I know it.

May 20, 2005

SASF - Tootsie Chickenbutt Edition

It's been way too dark and dreary around here (that would be inside my head). It's time for a little fun and goofiness!

Humana Humana
First, we have this little juicy tidbit that is credited for my "guffaw of the day."

As found over at Threadbared
"I don't know if it's the squinty eyes, the butterscotch combover, the manboobs, or his pre queer eye knack for putting together a look that pops, but this Tudor Jerkin guy is H-O-T. That handlebar mustache isn't hurting anything either. And what woman doesn't love a man who sees the world through amber colored glasses? Don't you just want to rip off this stud's belted horizontal ribbed sweater, red tie, pink textured stripe button down, and red lacy corset?" bwaaaahahahaha! Gawd, I love that place.

But WAIT! Could it be a young Captain Kangaroo?


Another Edition of "Wierd Searches that have Found My Blog"
dun dun dun duuuuuuunnnnn. (oh, jeez, I'm really in one of those moods today.)

"tickled me until I peed" - yeah, my sister did that. It wasn't funny - for me.

"I am my own twin" - no I'm not, yes you are, no I'm not, yes you are. SHUT UP!

"live webCAM demon possession" - WTF?

"french erotic film" +pope" - bwaaahahaha! I want to see that!

"sadness" - yeah, too much of that going on here. ENOUGH!

"breast tattoo" - nope, don't have one, probably never will. ouch!

"picking, fleece, 17th century, England" - hey, don't be picking on Fleecey! She's a cool chick!

"masturbate-a-thon +photos" - There were photos? How did I miss that?

"hold you down and kiss you so hard" - ummmm...yeah!

"travelling head" - oh, yes. I am still on the waiting list. tick tock tick tock. I don't know if I'll ever get head.

"neurotically yours pulp fiction thingy" - was there one? Oooh, I have to see that, too!

Come to the DARTH SIDE

I'm still waiting for my chance to see Anakin finally succumb to the evil incarnate that he really is. ...that and to see Natalie Portman pregnant with twins. bwaahahah! No, really - I am looking forward to seeing the new Star Wars. D and I are going this weekend. He is a huge Star Wars fan - I'm sure he'll want to take his super-cool light sabre that lights up and makes that waaaahh waaaaahhh sound. :)

Speaking of Evil
Someone stuck a glazed donut in my face this morning and I ate it. It was gooooood. The people who make such things really should be isolated with all of their axis of evil bakery counterparts on a deserted island where they can all get fat together. Run awaaaaaay!

Thou Shalt Henceforth Be Called...
In the spirit of silliness, I ask that you humor me and do this:
A. Follow the instructions to find your new name.
B. Don't go all adult & hoity toity - leave me a comment with your new name, dangit! ;p

(The following is from a children's book, "Captain Underpants And
the Perilous Plot Professor Poopypants" by Dave Pilkey, in which the
evil Professor forces everyone to assume new names...)

1. Use the third letter of your first name to determine your new first

a = snickle
b = doombah
c = goober
d = cheesey
e = crusty
f = greasy
g = dumbo
h = farcus
i = dorky
j = doofus
k = funky
l = boobie
m = sleezy
n = sloopy
o = fluffy
p = stinky
q = slimy
r = dorfus
s = snooty
t = tootsie
u = dipsy
v = sneezy
w = liver
x = skippy
y = dinky
z = zippy

2. Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of your new last name:

a = dippin
b = feather
c = batty
d = burger
e = chicken
f = barffy
g = lizard
h = waffle
i = farkle
j = monkey
k = flippin
l = fricken
m = bubble
n = rhino
o = potty
p = hamster
q = buckle
r = gizzard
s = lickin
t = snickle
u = chuckle
v = pickle
w = hubble
x = dingle
y = gorilla
z = girdle

3. Use the third letter of your last name to determine the second half of your new last name:

a = butt
b = boob
c = face
d = nose
e = hump
f = breath
g = pants
h = shorts
i = lips
j = honker
k = head
l = tush
m = chunks
n = dunkin
o = brains
p = biscuits
q = toes
r = doodle
s = fanny
t = sniffer
u = sprinkles
v = frack
w = squirt
x = humperdinck
y = hiney
z = juice

Thus, for example, George W. Bush's new name is Fluffy Chucklefanny.
Or, using Aimee as an example since she hasn't been commenting here lately (ahem) - she is now Sleezy Bubbledoodle!

Have a wonderful weekend, peeps
- Tootsie Chickenbutt

**UPDATE - 5pm**
I've been laughing about this all damn day. What fun!
So far, we have the following:
Celti – Tootsie Chickenbutt
Noonie - Snickle Frickenhump
JP - Cheesey Dippinsniffer
Cooter - Dumbo Chickentush
ESC - Dumbo Chickenbutt
Just Me - Goober Pottydunkin
Vince - Sloopy Gizzardbutt
Pup – Farcus Wafflebutt
Jamie - Sleezy Dippinbutt
Brighton - Dorky Gizzardlips
Inanna - Snickle Pottytush
Aimee - Sleezy Bubbledoodle
Lovisa - Sneezy Pottylips
Varla - Tootsie Dippenfanny
Helen - Boobie Farklebrains
Tim - Sleezy Dippindoodle
Esther - Tootsie Chuckletush
Myles - Dorky Chucklesniffer
Seamus - Sleezy Farklesniffer
Mike - Sleezy Pottydoodle
Kim - Dorfus Wafflebutt
Happy Funball - Sloopy Chuckledoodle
Tricia - Dorky Chickenlips
Michael - Sleezy Humperdink

May 19, 2005


I need a new dog. I go out walking every day at lunch and see all these people walking their dogs and I miss Pugsley. I see his leash hanging in the entry way still (why don't I put that away?) and I miss Pugsley. I go to the farmer's market and see dogs everywhere and I miss Pugsley. Damnit.

After Pugs passed away I promised myself I wouldn't get in a hurry to get a new one. I think I'm ready, though. It needs to be the right dog for us, a good dog, one that fits with us. You see, Pugsley had me spoiled. He didn't chew on things, drool, bark, shed or ever go potty in the house, so there is a certain amount of nervousness involved in choosing a new dog. Big dog/medium dog/little dog? Need for fenced in yard? Crate/No Crate? Male/Female? Ug. Would someone please find the perfect dog for me and bring them to me? lol

Anyway...Found these and thought all you dog lovers would enjoy them:


The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue." -Anonymous

"Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful." -Ann Landers

"If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went." -Will Rogers

"There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face." - Ben Williams

"A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself." - Josh Billings

"The average dog is a nicer person than the average person." - Andrew A. Rooney

"We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare and love we can spare. And in return, dogs give us their all. It's the best deal man has ever made." - M.Facklam

"Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who are incapable of pure love and always have to mix love and hate." - Sigmund Freud

"If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons." - James Thurber

"I wonder what goes through his mind when he sees us peeing in his water bowl." -Penny Ward Moser

"A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down." - Robert Benchley

"I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult." - Rita Rudner

"Dogs need to sniff the ground; it's how they keep abreast of current events. The ground is a giant dog newspaper, containing all kinds of late-breaking dog news items, which, if they are especially urgent, are often continued in the next yard." -- Dave Barry

"Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog." - Franklin P. Jones

"My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That's almost $21.00 in dog money." - Joe Weinstein

"Outside of a dog, a book is probably man's best friend; inside of a dog,it's too dark to read." - Groucho Marx

"Ever consider what they must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul -- chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth!" - Anne Tyler

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea." - Robert A. Heinlein

May 18, 2005

Boot Straps


Yep...Celti took another dive this morning, friends and neighbors. It wasn't pretty. You only saw a tiny glimpse of it, too. Yeah, scary. The demons were kicking up thier heels and having a grand ole time at my expense. Fuckers.

I'm really tired of this rollercoaster ride, but haven't figured out how to slow it down enough to jump off. (Ironic, since I normally LOVE rollercoasters) Don't worry - I will, even if I have to lose a little skin and suffer some bumps in the process.

Your comments mean so much to me during these times (well, they always do, for that matter). Even if I don't respond, rest assured that they are read, absorbed, appreciated and remembered.

I wrote a post this morning and another yesterday that would have given you a much deeper look into that which brought me down. I shoved them into draft, though, as they just bared too much. Too dark, too pessimistic, too needy, too raw. No one wants to watch me bleed. It was and is theraputic, however, simply to write them. I still have them to look back at and reflect upon. It's good to do that.

I don't know where I'm going in this life, but I know I am going somewhere. It is up to me to navigate to the best of my ability, and I hope that my final destination is somewhere good - that I find my niche and have someone wonderful to share it with when I get there. I believe it will happen - perhaps that's what matters most. Patience, girl.

As often is the case, Sarah's lyrics say so much for me:

Don't worry you will find the answer if you let it go
give yourself some time to falter
But don't forgo knowing that you're loved no matter what
and everything will come around in time

from "perfect girl"


I have nothing significant to say.

Nothing that wouldn't come out sounding stupid but yet I continue to rattle on.

I don't feel well.

Another post written through tears, published and then yanked. That's two in a row.

I am a fucking loser.

I hate my life right now.

I give up.


Time here,
all but means nothing, just shadows that move across the wall
They keep me company, but they don't ask of me
they don't say nothing at all.

And I need just a little more silence
And I need just a little more time
But you send your thieves to me
silently stalking me
Dragging me into your web
Would you give me no choice in this?
I know you can't resist, trying reopen a sore

Leave me be, I don't want to argue
I'd just get confused and I'd come all undone
If I agree, well, it's just to appease you
Cause I don't remember what we're fighting for

You see love-- a tight, thorny thread that you spin in a circle of gold
You have me to hold me
a token for all to see
captured to be yours alone

And I need just a little more silence,
and I just need a little more time
The courage to pull away
there will be hell to pay
the deeper you cut to the bone

Leave me be, I don't want to argue
I'd just get confused and I'd come all undone
If I agree, well, it's just to appease you
Cause I don't remember what we're fighting for

Time here,
all but means nothing,
just shadows that move across the wall
They keep me company,
but they don't ask of me
they don't say nothing at all.

Leave me be, I don't want to argue
I'd just get confused and I'd come all undone
If I agree, well, it's just to appease you
Cause I don't remember what we're fighting for

"Time" - Sarah McLachlan

They say it takes time to heal, time to get over things.

There is no prize for me - no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Hell, there isn't even a rainbow any more. I think I see a few colors now and then, but there's always a dark cloud to block my view. I may as well make friends with that cloud since it looks like we're in for the long haul together.

me myself
with my face pressed up against love's glass
to see the shiny toy i've been hoping for
the one i never can afford

May 17, 2005

Three is a Magic Number

Ok...although I'm in a serious funk today, I'll attempt to brush away the gloom - I've been tagged. Thanks, Noonie. I'll get cha. ;)

Seems like I've done this one before...I don't remember. I'll have to go look through my archives & see if my answers were the same. heh

Three names you go by:


Three screen names that you have had:

CelticCross13 or Celtic13Cross

Three things you like about yourself:

Sense of Humor

Three things you don't like about yourself:

Dry Skin
My Butt
My Demons

Three parts of your heritage:


Three things that scare you:

never finding/being with my soul mate
my son dying or being seriously ill
our government

Three of your everyday essentials:

mental stimulation

Three things you are wearing right now:

my favorite sandals
funky blue/purple toenail polish
my heart on my sleeve

Three of your favorite bands or musical artists (@ the moment):

Sarah McLachlan
Jack Johnson
Linkin Park

Three of your favorite songs:

Answer - Sarah McLachlan
Yesterday - Beatles
Blvd. of Broken Dreams - Green Day

Three new things you want to try in the next 12 months:

Hang Gliding
Ziplining in a Rainforest
Purging negativity from my life

Three things I want in a relationship:

Mutual respect

Two truths and a lie: (in no particular order)

My son is the light of my life.
I am a member of MENSA.
I know most if not all of the songs from "Evita" by heart.

Three physical things that attract you to the opposite sex:

Nice Eyes
Strong Arms
Smells nice

Three things you can't do without:

The Internet
My son's hugs

Three of your favorite hobbies:

Blogging (is it a hobby?)

Three places you want to go on vacation:

Greek Islands

Three things you just can't do:

tolerate the grit of cotton balls
be cruel to an animal
turn off the spinning wheels in my brain

Three things you want to do before you die:

visit ancestral homelands (Scotland, Ireland)
achieve financial security
find "the one"

Three celeb crushes:

George Clooney
Johnny Depp
Donovan Patton

Three people you want to tag:

Tricia (blame Noonie!)
(don't hate me, ok?)

Mad World

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere

And their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow

And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had

I find it hard to tell you
'Cause I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very
Mad World

- Tears for Fears

May 16, 2005

Tootsie Bliss

I got my first pedicure on Saturday. Now I know what all the hype is about. Let me just say it was FREAKIN' WONDERFUL!

I was seated in this nice, soft leather chair and as soon as I sat down, it began to vibrate. Woo hoo! Variable settings, too! A lovely little young gal took her place at my feet and I told her that this was my first time, so she'll have to tell me what to do. (gee, it's been a while since I told someone that. heh)

She turned on the little tub that was built into the chair at my feet, and jets of nice hot water started up - a little mini jacuzzi! Awesome! She let me soak them for a minute, and then took one foot out and placed it on the foot rest above the tub. She scrubbed it with a fairly coarse sponge and some liquid soap-type stuff, and then proceeded to go after my toenails and cuticles with her little clipper things. After a light workover, she put that foot back in the tub and gave treated the other foot to the same routine.

After another brief soak, foot #1 came back out and she got out this little shaver thing - reminded me of a cross between a cheese slicer and a disposable razor. She put in a new double edged blade and started shaving away at my callouses. She worked the whole foot over, removing all the rough spots. The same was then done to foot #2. I thought it might hurt, but it didn't hurt a bit!

When she was finished with the shaver, she coated my toes with a lotion-like stuff and worked the nails and cuticles over again with the clipper things. Then (the happiest part) she coated both feet with lotion and proceeded to massage my feet and ankles. Man, oh man did that feel good.

After cleaning off the nails with what I assume was alcohol, she hit the toenails with a clear coat, the polish of my choice and then another clear coat. I chose a really cool color - a bluish purple with a hint of pink to it when the light hits it. I think I'm going to have to buy some of it because it's just awesome.

After she painted my nails, she put those little spongy separator things between my toes and led me to a chair with little fans placed at the feet for drying. I sat there grinning like and idiot and admiring my toes which were looking better than I think they ever have.

After they were dry, I inspected the job and I have to say that my feet are prettier and softer than they have been since I was a baby.

The sweet girl who did it was very nice, did a great job and she didn't even seem to mind that I yacked on my cell phone half of the time. She got a nice tip.

Happy Feet!

I have never really been one to pamper myself, but this was SO worth the $20 it cost. I can't believe that I've never discovered this little treat until now! I happily put on my sandals and practically bounced out of there. I will definitely be back...many times.

May 13, 2005

SASF - v.5.13

It's Friday, the 13th peeps! That be a holiday in Celti's world. hee hee

We've been having some pretty crazy thunderstorms here the last few days. I'm loving it, but authorities are starting to get worried. We've had a lot of rain this spring, and flood warnings have now been issued for several areas.

Some of you may remember back in 1993 when Des Moines and a lot of the midwest suffered through horrible flooding - we were without power for 3 or 4 days and without water for almost 3 weeks (the waterworks were flooded). Well, 1993 started out with a very wet spring just like this year.

As I drove through the park on the way to work this morning, I noticed that the river was VERY high - nearly out of it's banks. Last night some areas got over 3" of rain and that's on the heels of another 5 inches in the prior two days in some areas. More thunderstorms are forcasted for this afternoon and tonight. I'm so glad my house is on a big hill. lol

Speaking of Storms
I was watching some videos a couple days ago on and found the new video for Mudvayne's "Happy." What a cool video! I really like the song, so that helps. It starts out with them performing in the middle of a field of flowers and it all goes down hill from there, ending up with one of my favorite phenomena - a tornado. Sweet! You can check out the video from this page if you're curious.

Big Loss for Central IA
I'm sad to report that the Raccoon Valley Humane Society, one of the best no-kill shelters in our area, will be closing it's doors. They have relied heavily on donations and fund raising, and have not been able to maintain enough of an income to meet their payroll obligations. The decision has been made, so there isn't anything anyone can do at this point about that. This is a terrible loss as a lot of the other shelters are already at capacity and have trouble keeping up with demands. They will, however, remain open until all of the pets they have there are adopted. I was sooo happy to hear that. I realize that this is a very local issue, but if anyone from central Iowa is reading and might be interested in adopting one of these babies, you can find more info here.

Toothy Grins
On a happier animal-related note, I found this little gem a few days ago. It's a photography website where they specialize in pet portraits. Their approach is different and fun. There are some really cool photos to be found there like this one:

Evil Science Chick found a cool blog. What a find! Thanks, Bunsen! The girls who write this stuff are just too funny. I can't really explain it - let's just say it's about fashion trends. Snarky! heh

Break On Through
Some of my long-time readers (and archive diggers) may remember a post I did many moons ago about about my one and only sister. We've never been especially close, but the years have mysteriously pulled us further apart. Up until last week, I had not seen or spoken with my sister for nearly 4 years. When we do see eachother, we're always civil and nice, but she just shows no interest whatsoever in seeing me or contacting me. I don't even get a frickin' holiday card from her. I called & left messages, and sent e-mails putting my hand out to her wanting to be closer, and she ignored me so I gave up.

Last week, she came home from Colorado with my parents to visit my 93 year old Grandpa. He hasn't been doing well, and she hadn't seen him for a long time. On her very short stay (2 days), she told mom that she really wanted to see me, too. Whoa! We met for dinner last Tuesday night, and it was so nice! She seemed genuinely happy to see me and invited us to come out to Colorado to visit. I feel like a door has finally opened there. I was sorry that our visit was so short, and I will take her up on her offer to come visit. What a relief!

Way Out There
I'm a big fan of news of the wierd and stupid. The human race never ceases to amaze me...

Evil Gnome Garden
The "gnome garden" complete with picket fence was removed from the bottom of Wastwater in the Lake District of England after several divers died within the last few years. It is thought they spent too much time at too great a depth while searching for the site of the ornaments.

Now police divers say there is a rumour that the garden has returned at a depth beyond which they are allowed. Pc Kenny McMahon, a member of the North West Police Underwater Search Unit, said the gnomes were well known among the diving community. He said: "Wastwater is quite clear at the bottom, but there's nothing to see. At a depth of about 48m, divers had taken gnomes down and put a picket fence around them. But there were a number of fatalities and the Lake District National Park Authority asked us to get rid of them. We went down there, put them in bags and removed the lot, but now there's a rumour about a new garden beyond the 50m depth limit."

Police divers can't legally dive any deeper so, if it exists, the new garden could have been purposefully put out of their reach.

So, someone has planted a mysterious gnome garden at dangerous depths, luring divers to their deaths. *insert eerie music here*

Melts in Your Mouth AND Your Hands
Cadbury's of England and Madame Tussauds have teamed up to immortalize Britains favorite personality in chocolate. Right now, BBC radio personality Jonathan Ross is leading the race with David Beckham at a close second. Whomever wins will have their life-size likeness formed in chocolate. I can think of a few people I'd like to see in chocolate...hee hee. Those whacky brits...


Have a great weekend!

May 11, 2005


Life with a four-year-old is simply a barrel of laughs. He says some of the funniest damned things. A few snippets...

On the way to preschool one especially bright morning:
"Mommy, please turn off the sun. My eyes!"

Spoken with a Jamaican accent, he announces the arrival of his self-created super-hero character:
"I am ZERO MON!"
(He strikes quite the hero pose)

"Daddy's money machine generates revenue."
(Obviously coached by someone. ahem)

"Big dog, big poop!"
(where did he get that? *snicker*)

In the car on the way to preschool (he's in top form in the mornings):
"Mommy, I want to be next to the beans and not the fruits."

I'm chatting on IM as he enters the room:
"Young lady, you're in trouble!"
(Zero Mon is here to rescue me)

May 10, 2005

My Life in Fiction

I write stories. Some of you have read them, some have not. A lot of them are stories of love, romance, sex, being swept away in the feelings that you can get lost in. The truth is many times I write about the things that I long for – those that are missing in my life. I want to be wooed. I want my head to swim in giddy delight without feelings of apprehension and insecurity. I want to feel this way. I want to be everything to someone and have them be my everything in return.

There have been a couple of times that I really felt this way. They were much too short-lived and it hurt much too badly when it ended. How can you make yourself vulnerable to that again without fear?

I was working on a story last night – it is coming along quite nicely. As I dove head first into the tale, it spewing out of my fingers almost like I was on auto pilot, it began - the longing. It starts as a nagging little twinge, and develops into a full-blown sense of dread and emptiness. The story is too personal, too close to exactly what I need and want so badly. I have to back away from it for now, and regroup. I'm tempted to scrap it – delete it and never go back, but I can't. Not yet, anyway.

There is this hole in my heart. Sometimes I think I’ve found something to fill it, I am temporarily placated only to realize all too soon that it is just as empty as it's always been. All the qualifications can't be met. I don't want a temporary fill. My true fear is that I will never feel complete, never satisfied. None of my stories will ever come true and I will end up alone. I am my own worst enemy and I can't stomach my own persecution some times.

How I long to be the characters in my stories – they are confident, strong and sure of themselves and the love they pursue. Why do I create these fruitless ideals? I constantly set myself up for disappointment – or is that what optimism is all about? If it is, I think I prefer to go back to pessimism. In a lot of ways, it's less painful.

I wonder how many other writers do this to themselves, or if it is just me. ...and why is it that these demons, the bastards, help me to write some of my most inspired and beautiful works? They're so very dark, but black is beautiful.

I’m so tired but I can’t sleep
Standing on the edge of something much too deep
It’s funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can’t be heard

May 09, 2005

For the Love of Corsets

I have a little saying...that if it weren't for corsets, I wouldn't be here. It's true!

Back in 1874, I believe it was, my great grandmother Anna Mae West (she went by Mae. heh) was quite a little heart-breaker. Having just broken things off with her beau, she went to a barn dance with another fellow, causing said jilted beau to go into a rage. He followed her home, and confronted her, ultimately shooting her with a pistol.

She fell to the ground, so the cad turned the pistol on himself and blew his brains out. Mae then awoke to find him dead and it was determined that the ball from the pistol had hit the steel stay in her corset, saving her life. She wasn't hurt - she had simply passed out from fright.

We're not sure, but we think the fellow she'd gone to the dance with was my great grandpa as they were married shortly after this.

My mom still has the original newspaper clipping. The title is something along the lines of "Lovers Quarrel Ends in Tragedy." It recounts the details of what happened, and stated that Anna Mae suffered a "severe nervous shock."

I don't think it's only for this reason that I have a thing for corsets, though. I love them. Simply stated, they are just hot. I need to get a new one, really. Mine is white (zzzzzz) and there are so many others that are just so much prettier.

I want one like this one:

As a matter of fact, I want the whole outfit. Meow.
What do you think?
Yeah, that's the ticket...

May 07, 2005

The Fight to Stay Positive

It's no secret here that I fight with demons...all too often. It's times like these, like today, when I have a considerable amount of time to think, to reflect, that those bastards come crawling out of the shadows and attack me. They try to drag me down into the pits of despair, but I am stronger than them. I won't allow it.

I try so hard to focus on the positive things in my life. I have a wonderful son, who is my light and my heart and he brings so much joy to me every day. I never realized how empty my life was before he came into it. I have wonderful friends who care about me and love me for who I am. I have an amazing new person in my life who has helped me see the world in a more brilliant, beautiful light and who has made me realize that those regions of my heart which I thought had died long ago were merely sleeping. I am so thankful for all of these things. Without them, I am not sure that I would win these battles. I can only hope that I am capable of giving back, to these people, as much as they give me.

I can't let fear and anxiety overcome me. My situation is often not condusive to positive thinking, but it is certainly much more pleasant to dream than to spin in the in the vortex of angst. I have to remember that. It frustrates me and angers me when I can't turn myself around so easily. The struggle is exhausting but worthwhile.

One of those great friends sent this to me recently (thanks, Michelle!). It is just the kind of thing I need to see when I am struggling...


Living on Earth is expensive,
but it does include a free trip
around the sun every year.

How long a minute is
depends on what side of the
bathroom door you're on.

Birthdays are good for you;
the more you have,
the longer you live.

Ever notice that the people who are late
are often much jollier
than the people who have to wait for them?

Most of us go to our grave
with our music still inside of us.

You may be only one person in the world,
but you may also be the world to one person.

Some mistakes are too much fun
to only make once.

Don't cry because it's over;
smile because it happened.

A truly happy person is one who
can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

We could learn a lot from crayons:
some are sharp, some are pretty,
some are dull, some have weird names,
and all are different colors....but
they all exist very nicely in the same box.

Happiness comes through doors you
didn't even know you left open. (especially poignant for me)

So...I may occasionally post something dark, brooding, depressing and cryptic. It won't be pretty, but don't despair - I will work it out. This blog is my outlet for such encounters and you, my readers, get a very unique view into the enigma that is Celti. She is a strong and complex woman. She will prevail.

May 06, 2005

Sick & Twisted SASF v.5.6

HA! Found some rather sick, twisted and perverted goodies for your enjoyment today, cheeeldren!

Let's get rolling, shall we?

"French Erotic Film"
...or Colin Mochrie versus Jesus H. Christ (wtf?)

This little ditty is actually work safe despite the name. It is a bit loud and obnoxious, though, so watch your volume. Featuring everything from the Pope, to pirates, Scots, spongebob, peter pan, muppets, Jay Jay, Aliens and Lady Di, it's rather stupid, but it cracked me up. Hey! Are they making fun of the homeland? Nah...

Went out for Mexican and Margaritas last night to celebrate Cinco de Mayo! Woot! I got a serious buzz off of 2 - yes, count 'em - two margaritas. Dang, what a lightweight! Sheesh...maybe I need to drink more. Pass the Baileys! ;)

Gittin' an Eddukayshun

1st - Organization - Time Management
The adventures of Emma and Mike as they explore Time Management for Anarchists. heh heh
Use the red arrows to advance the frames.

2nd - English - The One Magical Word that can express pain, anger, hate and love: The Use of Fuck Very amusing.
If you are, however, offended by profanity (prude *cough*), don't go there!

Just Plain Twisted
One of the More disturbing flash cartoons I've seen in a while, this one reminds me of Jamie's beloved Salad Fingers. Coffee Break

Oh, go here if you want to check out salad fingers...

Bitchin’ Coaster
For Nanner…Wanna go for a ride!?
There are more pics on the link. This thing looks like it's a hell of a rush!
Adrenalin junkies, unite!

May is National Masturbation Month!
Yes, Spring has sprung. You know that sexual pleasure is a birthright and that masturbation is a powerful source of sexual gratification. Since practically everyone masturbates, but few people talk about it, Good Vibrations created National Masturbation Month, a month-long celebration recognizing the many ways we can pleasure ourselves.

This year our theme is "Party of One!" Pamper yourself, enjoy your own company, take yourself out on the town -- even if you stay home to do it!

This year people all over the world will celebrate the seventh annual Masturbate-A-Thon, raising funds for worthy community-based organizations that focus on women's health, safer sex, HIV education, and other sex-positive causes. Good Vibrations is pleased to donate funds raised through the Masturbate-A-Thon to The Center for Sex & Culture, a new San Francisco nonprofit which is raising money to open a library and archive, where they'll also hold classes, salons, art events and more. The CSC is holding its own Masturbate-A-Thon, too -- live! For details, visit

Whether you enjoy it solo, with a sweetheart, or just talk up masturbation's pleasures and benefits, you are invited to join us in our celebration!

Now, this I can do! ;p

Speaking of Which...
This is for my favorite curling toes man. ahem. heh. Very funny. The video is work safe, but some of the ads surrounding it might not be, so beware. The music is what makes it...riiiight. lol

Just for Shits & Giggles
This fun video is simply a celebration of kicking some ass, biting it and blowing shit up! Weeee!

Have a great weekend, peeps!

May 03, 2005


I spent this past weekend in Kansas City and had a great time. Like I said before – good times, good friends, good tunes. As a special treat for my birthday, my wonderful Pup took me to see Sarah McLachlan. Although I have been in love with her music for 13 years, I have never had the opportunity to see her live until now.

The concert was phenomenal. The entire production was perfect and seamless, the sound was great, our seats were great – what a show!

With my background in theater and set design in particular, I have a tendency to take in every detail of the way a stage is set. Her set was awesome – one of the nicest I've ever seen.

As you can see in the picture above (although it does not do it justice), there are three giant trees that make up the framework for the backdrop, the branches spreading out over the heads of the band. On the two backdrops between the trees, they would project images – everything from live video of Sarah and the band members to psychedelic images to pictures, all in perfect synch with the music. At the sides of the stage, there were giant boulders, speckled with grass and moss, which the performers would sit on while performing. The whole thing had a very forest feel to it, and it was absolutely beautiful.

Although obviously choreographed, the performers moved around the stage in a casual way, almost as if they were strolling along. Sarah would sometimes just sing, sometimes play acoustic or electric guitar and sing, or sit at her piano and sing.

One of the things I liked most about the concert was the way that she would talk to the audience between songs. She talked to us just like we were a small, intimate group of friends. She told stories about the various songs and what her inspiration for them was, which ones were her favorites, becoming a mother and the effect of that on her career, traveling with her family. She is very charming and witty, sometimes plunking around a little on the piano as she talked. I can completely relate to what she said about her love songs – most of her songs are about love, and she tries to write a happy love song, only to have it go sour, and "somebody always gets screwed in the end." Isn't that just how love is? It is the most wonderful, exciting, horrible, frustrating, attractive thing in the world. It tortures us, but we can't live without it – such a cruel contradiction.

Sarah's lyrics have always touched me deeply. I think you have to have experienced some serious depression, some major strife to truly appreciate them, but I often feel like she is singing straight from my heart. So many of her songs, like Train Wreck, Answer, and Perfect Girl, are so dead-on with what is going on with me right now, it's uncanny.

'Cause I can only tell you what I know
That I need you in my life
When the stars have all gone out
You'll still be burning so bright

Cast me gently
Into morning
For the night has been unkind

At the risk of sounding corny, I will tell you that I do and probably always will look at Sarah as a kindred soul. There is an undeniable connection there – like I know exactly what she was feeling when a particular passage was written. This concert was, in many ways, a dream come true. Thank you so much, Pup, for this wonderful birthday gift.
should have just gone to bed - ug, my head!

May 02, 2005

Great Advice

How to make yourself beautiful:

Go outside, take a deep breath and loudly shout, "Ha!"

Spend an afternoon with an 80-year-old woman and listen to her stories.

...then spend the next afternoon with a four-year-old and ask them to explain something mysterious to you, like the moon or love or why monkeys like bananas so much.

Eat a piece of ripe fruit with infinite slowness.

Roll down a grassy hill again and again until you're dizzy.

Tell a bad joke.

Hug a friend fiercely.

Take a chance.

Help someone out.

Sprint down the block, just because you can.

Throw away your TV.


...some of the best advice I've heard in a while. Thanks, Heather!

May 01, 2005

Listen as the wind blows
From across the great divide
Voices trapped in yearning
Memories trapped in time
The night is my companion
And solitude my guide
Would I spend forever here,
and not be satisfied?

And I would be the one
To hold you down
Kiss you so hard
I'll take your breath away
And after I'd
Wipe away the tears
Just close your eyes dear

Through this world I stumble
So many times betrayed
Trying to find an honest word
to find the truth enslaved
Oh, you speak to me in riddles
and you speak to me in rhymes
My body aches to breathe your breath
Your words keep me alive

And I would be the one
To hold you down
Kiss you so hard
I'll take your breath away
And after I'd
wipe away the tears
Just close your eyes, dear

Into this night I wander
It's morning that I dread
Another day of knowing of
The path I fear to tread
Oh, into the sea of waking dreams
I follow without pride
'Cause nothing stands between us here
And I won't be denied

And I would be the one
To hold you down
Kiss you so hard
I'll take your breath away
And after I'd
Wipe away the tears
Just close your eyes dear
I'll hold you down
Kiss you so hard
I'll take your breath away
And after I'd
Wipe away the tears
Just close your eyes