May 18, 2005

Boot Straps

Yank!

Yep...Celti took another dive this morning, friends and neighbors. It wasn't pretty. You only saw a tiny glimpse of it, too. Yeah, scary. The demons were kicking up thier heels and having a grand ole time at my expense. Fuckers.

I'm really tired of this rollercoaster ride, but haven't figured out how to slow it down enough to jump off. (Ironic, since I normally LOVE rollercoasters) Don't worry - I will, even if I have to lose a little skin and suffer some bumps in the process.

Your comments mean so much to me during these times (well, they always do, for that matter). Even if I don't respond, rest assured that they are read, absorbed, appreciated and remembered.

I wrote a post this morning and another yesterday that would have given you a much deeper look into that which brought me down. I shoved them into draft, though, as they just bared too much. Too dark, too pessimistic, too needy, too raw. No one wants to watch me bleed. It was and is theraputic, however, simply to write them. I still have them to look back at and reflect upon. It's good to do that.

I don't know where I'm going in this life, but I know I am going somewhere. It is up to me to navigate to the best of my ability, and I hope that my final destination is somewhere good - that I find my niche and have someone wonderful to share it with when I get there. I believe it will happen - perhaps that's what matters most. Patience, girl.

As often is the case, Sarah's lyrics say so much for me:

Don't worry you will find the answer if you let it go
give yourself some time to falter
But don't forgo knowing that you're loved no matter what
and everything will come around in time


from "perfect girl"

20 comments:

  1. Hey, I used "rollercoaster ride" to describe your site JUST TODAY!

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  2. I stopped by here via Tricia's blog. I understand your plight about what to write. This morning on my blog I had to resort to "yellow toenails" Now isn't that scraping the barrel? lol

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  3. That's my girl. Now when are we drinking those margarita's??

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  4. hugssssssssss oh post the damn things, we're tough we can take it. I need an excuse to hit the bottle for a night! :-)

    Nothing like listening to others troubles to make your own seem insignificant... don't you worry about us, we're all voyeurs, why else would we be here...

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  5. Is this your way of saying sorry for talking about my friend Celti the way you did earlier?
    I'm glad you seem happier now, maybe it was all that talk of ice cream and footsie rubbin'?!
    Even though you don't "know" most of us, we still care about you a whole bunch.
    Lois Lane

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  6. huge (((((((((hugs))))))))))

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  7. Celti,

    Discovered your blog via Brighton and Julie (and a few others too). I wanted to say the same thing I said to Brighton. Hang in there and have faith. It will all work out for you.

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  8. I go through the same shit sometimes.... at times I'm perfectly ok with things - yeah, it can get lonely being single, and I enjoy spending time alone actually, but when I'm in "upbeat" mode I'm happy to be living my life on my terms. I go through spurts though where I feel like I've done nothing worth meaning with my life, I have no children, don't go to church, don't volunteer, don't do much of anything, really. What's the point, ya know? But, it always comes around.

    Keep having faith, we have to be here for SOME reason after all :o)

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  9. That's the spirit! And I admire you for taking initiative during times when things may not seem bright.

    a fleecey hug for you, Celti. :)

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  10. It's all good to purge, girl. Glad you saved 'em as drafts; I've done that with several posts as well, and sometimes it's helpful to go back and read them. See the movement from point A to point B. When you come visit we'll have lotsa time to hash and giggle and eat and drink and be merry and naughty and exorcise some damn daemons!! Ya with me?!

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  11. Derek - you sure did! Gee, I'm honored. :)

    Denny - Welcome! It's not lack of a subject, just not wanting to spill it all.

    Brighton - Margaritas! Love 'em & would love to have some with you. I need to get down Texas way one of these days...

    Noonie - thanks for the hug. i need those. lol on the voyeurs. I suppose you're right...

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  12. Lois - It sure is. Yeah, planting some happy thoughts never hurts. It's so funny getting to know you all. fascinating.

    kristin - awww, thanks!

    sydwynd - welcome! thanks a lot - that's what I'm trying to do

    Vicki - the grass is always greener, you know? ...no matter which side you're on. good to see ya.

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  13. I'm glad to hear you being more upbeat and not beatin' on yourself. You're strong and wise (and you got purple toes) (((Sunbeam))) and *smooches*

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  14. Fleecey! - good to see you! thanks, I'm trying and a hug back at you.

    Cootera - hell yeah! Can't wait, sister. I'm with ya.

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  15. seamus - I'm glad, too. It feels a lot better. Awww, thanks and indeed I do! wonderful hug. *smooches*

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  16. Celti, hang in. Things will change, for the better.

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  17. This too shall pass, girlie. And in the meantime, you've got all of us to gripe to and listen and help take up some of the load when you can't take it anymore. :)

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  18. Miss Celti girl,
    It does help to write about it, and I so understand you not wanting to post it. I have done the same thing many times!

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  19. drive-by hugging, because sometimes we all need one

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  20. It sounds like you have a pretty good head on your shoulders.

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