January 31, 2006

Sabotage! ...& stuff

On the listen: Audioslave, Show Me How to Live
Mood: Awesome

There have been all kinds of things going on, but, alas, work has been keeping me too busy to blog about it. Grrrr. I've been taking notes, so never fear, I have several little tidbits to talk about this morning.

This past weekend was a hoot. The D-Man had two birthday parties to go to, so I got to spend both Sat. and Sun. afternoon with large groups of wiggling, squealing 5 year olds. We had fun, though, and got some cool ideas for future birthdays for him.

Speaking of parties, I ran across an article the other day that stirred up my interest - pudding parties. It seems there was a big scandal when campus police at a popular university discovered several naked kids cavorting around in a dorm room filled with pudding. Apparently, this kind of thing has caught on around the country, and pudding parties are busting out all over. I have to say that I'm intrigued. I think banana would be my pudding of choice. Hey! You could throw in some peeled bananas and... never mind. heh.

Anyone want to bid on an "anatomically correct" carrot? bwaaahahaha!

I want this shirt:

Buy it for me here. Do it. lol

Chris' buddy is redesigning his boss' website. He uses a thumb drive to bring in images and such to discuss, and couldn't find a USB port on the boss' computer. He asked the bosses wife, who knows EVERYTHING (just ask her) if they had any computers with USB ports. Her response? No, they're all DSL. bwaaahahaha!

Watched Reefer Madness last night. It's "an outrageous tongue-in-cheek musical comedy adaptation of the classic 1936 anti-marijuana propaganda film." I nearly wet myself from laughing so hard while watching the "Listen to Jesus, Jimmy" number (well done and surprisingly non-blasphemous). Jesus is introduced by your host, a smokin' hot Joan of Arc ("No christian martyr works it harder!"). I was most giddy when I discovered that it stars Alan Cumming, whom I adore. It was freakin' hilarious. ...and you don't have to be a giggle-stick smoker to appreciate the humor.

...and now, the SABOTAGE! It's treachery, I tell ya. My loved ones are trying to hinder my weight loss efforts! Anyone who reads here often knows that I've been trying to lose weight. I've lost a bunch, but still have more to go. Well, it seems that is a bit disconcerting for a few unnamed peeps - they must like Celti fat & sassy! Well, BAH! I say. They serve potatoes and noodles when I come for dinner, and then my favorite desserts. Gah! They buy the mixin's and tempt me with white russians (very hard to resist, I tell ya). They buy ice cream! They bring things like cake, and pie and chips with cheese dip into the office! Blaaaaarrrrgh! I will not let them! I will resist! I can do it! (this is where you come in with the encouragement, ya know. lol). Noooooooo!
Step away from the chocolate!

Ok...now that I have that out of my system, oh wait - hold on.
I will not go in the break room.
I will not go in the break room.
I will not go in the break room.

Ok...got it. I'm good.
Oh hell, my stomach just growled.

UPDATE 2:05 pm.

As I type this, my best friend's daughter is undergoing emergency open heart surgery. She has had terrible heart problems since she was born, and this isn't her first surgery, but it's always dangerous and worrysome. She is 4 years old and such a sweetheart. Please include Elizabeth in your prayers or send some good energy/healing power/whatever you have for her. thank you.

January 27, 2006

SASF v.1.27.6


blah blah blah


Gawd, I need a vacation.

Things You Should Know

1. Money isn't made out of paper, it's made out of cotton.

2. The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp paper.

3. The dot over the letter i is called a "tittle"

4. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.

5. Susan Lucci is the daughter of Phyllis Diller.

6. 40% of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.

7. 315 entries in Webster's 1996 Dictionary were misspelled.

8. The 'spot' on 7UP comes from its inventor, who had red eyes. He was albino.

9. On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents, daily.

10. Warren Beatty and Shirley MacLaine are brother and sister.

11. Chocolate affects a dog's heart and nervous system; a few ounces can kill a small sized dog.

12. Orcas (killer whales) kill sharks by torpedoing up into the sharks stomach from underneath, causing the shark to explode.

13. Most lipstick contains fish scales (eeww).

14. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants.

15. Ketchup was sold in the 1830s as medicine.

16. Upper and lower case letters are named 'upper' and 'lower' because in the time when all original print had to be set in individual letters, the 'upper case' letters were stored in the case on top of the case that stored the smaller, 'lower case' letters.

17. Leonardo da Vinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at the same time ... hence, multi-tasking was invented.

18. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.

19. There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos. (There aren't any in the casinos here, either...or in Walmart? Coincidence?)

20. The name Wendy was made up for the book Peter Pan; there was never a recorded Wendy before!

21. There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with: orange, purple, and silver!

22. Leonardo Da Vinci invented scissors. Also, it took him 10 years to paint Mona Lisa's lips. (WHY?)

23. A tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion will make it instantly go mad and sting itself to death. (I'll be sure to pack some on my next hike through the desert. lol)

24. The mask used by Michael Myers in the original "Halloween" was a Captain Kirk mask painted white.

25. If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have $1.19. You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar (good to know.)

26. By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you can't sink in quicksand (and you thought this list was completely useless!)

27. The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law, which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.

28. The first product Motorola started to develop was a record player for automobiles. At that time, the most known player on the market was the Victrola, so they called themselves Motorola.

29. Celery has negative calories! It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with.. It's the same with apples!

30. Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.

31. The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher.

32. Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from Public Libraries.

33. Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because passing wind in a space suit damages it.


What are these?

Pens with Hidden Cameras?


Check this out!

Bluetooth technology in action. Your big, cumbersome PC is about to be replaced.

I saw one of these on CSI the other night. I want one! Sweet! Knowing my luck, though, I'd lose the damn thing. lol

Tomb of the Unknown Soldier

I found this very interesting. I wish I would have known all this when I visited the Tomb.

1. How many steps does the guard take during his walk across the tomb of the Unknowns and why? 21 steps. It alludes to the twenty-one gun salute, which is the highest honor given any military or foreign dignitary.

2. How long does he hesitate after his about face to begin his return walk and why? 21 seconds for the same reason as answer number 1

3. Why are his gloves wet? His gloves are moistened to prevent his losing his grip on the rifle.

4. Does he carry his rifle on the same shoulder all the time and if not, why not? He carries the rifle on the shoulder away from the tomb. After his march across the path, he executes an about face and moves the rifle to the outside shoulder.

5. How often are the guards changed? Guards are changed every thirty minutes, twenty-four hours a day, 365 days a year.

6. What are the physical traits of the guard limited to?
For a person to apply for guard duty at the tomb, he must be between 5' 10" and 6' 2" tall and his waist size cannot exceed 30." Other requirements of the Guard: They must commit 2 years of life to guard the tomb, live in a barracks under the tomb, and cannot drink any alcohol on or off duty for the rest of their lives. They cannot swear in public for the rest of their lives and cannot disgrace the uniform {fighting} or the tomb in any way. After two years, the guard is given a wreath pin that is worn on their lapel signifying they served as guard of the tomb. There are only 400 presently worn. The guard must obey these rules for the rest of their lives or give up the wreath pin.

The shoes are specially made with very thick soles to keep the heat and cold from their feet. There are metal heel plates that extend to the top of the shoe in order to make the loud click as they come to a halt. There are no wrinkles, folds or lint on the uniform. Guards dress for duty in front of a full-length mirror.

The first six months of duty a guard cannot talk to anyone, nor watch TV. All off duty time is spent studying the 175 notable people laid to rest in Arlington National Cemetery. A guard must memorize who they are and where they are interred. Among the notables are: President Taft, Joe E. Lewis {the boxer} and Medal of Honor winner Audie Murphy, {the most decorated soldier of WWII} of Hollywood fame.

Every guard spends five hours a day getting his uniforms ready for guard duty.

In 2003, as Hurricane Isabelle was approaching Washington, DC, our US Senate/House took 2 days off with anticipation of the storm. On the ABC evening news, it was reported that because of the dangers from the hurricane, the military members assigned the duty of guarding the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier were given permission to suspend the assignment. They declined the offer, "No way, Sir!" Soaked to the bone, marching in the pelting rain of a tropical storm, they said that guarding the Tomb was not just an assignment, it was the highest honor that can be afforded to a serviceperson. The tomb has been patrolled continuously, 24/7, since 1930.

Now that's dedication! Wow.

Adopt a Badger!

Oh my,yes. We love badgers. They're so cuuuute! Well, it seems that an opportunity has arisen. You can adopt one! Do it!

Mushroom, mushroom!

Oh, Jesus!

Something about this is just very wrong...
very wrong

Turn him on???



Lost Find

Mad TV did a spoof recently on one of my favorite shows - Lost. It made me giggle quite madly. Check it out.

Internet Lingo for NOObs

You know, the internet is becoming more and more infected embellished with it's own language. Well, the folks at Urbandictionary.com are here to help. Click here to explore the various meanings of SFTU and other mysteries of the 'net. I know I certainly feel more enlightened after my visit.

Well, that's all for today, peeps. Now that the big company shindig is over, the heat is off as soon as I catch up. Whew! My review is next week - it had better be a good one!

Have a great weekend!

January 26, 2006

HNT - My Best Fella

Last night, Chris and I attended a black tie affair to remember. It was our annual company meeting, and yours truly was in charge of all the audio/visual for the meeting as well as compiling the power point presentation, putting together the agenda and such - nothing unusual, but that's where I've been.

It was also the retirement celebration for my boss. He's been with the company over 30 years and is honestly the best salesman, leader, and motivator I've ever known. He's been gone since the first of the year, so I miss him already. A wonderful filet/chicken dinner with the beer and wine flowing freely at the nicest country club in the metro area, it was a wonderful night.

Details aside, we knew the affair would run late, so we arranged for the D-man to stay with grandma & grandpa. Grandpa will be taking him to school this morning.

I love my son more than I ever thought it possible to love another person. He's my inspiration, my shining star, my hopes and dreams bundled up in a vivacious little package. Last night, I ached because I couldn't kiss him good night. Of course, he'll be home tonight, but I miss my little man. I certainly don't know what I would ever do without him.

I know that some day soon he'll be a big man, but for now I'll keep that little hand in mine as much as I can and savor it.

January 25, 2006


Ten Top Trivia Tips about Celti!

  1. Celti can be very poisonous if injected intravenously!
  2. Scientists believe that Celti began billions of years ago as an enormous ball of dust and gas.
  3. Celti invented the wheel in the fourth millennium BC!
  4. Celti is the sacred animal of Thailand!
  5. Celti can give birth ten days after being born, and is born pregnant.
  6. It takes 8 minutes for light to travel from the Sun's surface to Celti.
  7. Native Americans never actually ate Celti; killing such a timid prey was thought to indicate laziness.
  8. Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are Celti.
  9. The horns of Celti are made entirely from hair.
  10. Medieval knights put the skin of Celti on their sword handles to improve the grip!
I am interested in - do tell me about

Enormous ball of dust and gas?!? Bwaaahahaha!

Blasted Bureaucracy

Google won't sell us out, right? They're my search engine of choice, and I have g-mail. They wouldn't, right?




January 23, 2006

Wiring Wizardry

You know, I like to think that I'm pretty good at putting things together and hooking things up. I will admit, however, that I'm one of those people that does it and then reads the instructions if it doesn't work (except for furniture and hot wheels tracks - ALWAYS read those instructions first! lol). When it comes to TVs, VCRs, DVD Players, surround sound systems and the like, I get a little lost.

Well, our home entertainment system has me completely mystified. It works quite well, but depending on what you want to do, you have to know the secret combination.

If you want TV, just turn on the tube. Simple.
If you want to play a tape in the VCR, set the TV to channel three, put the tape in and press play. Simple.
If you want stereo sound with the movie, turn on the stereo and put it on LD. Fairly simple.

If you want to play a DVD, however, it's a whole new ball game.
You have to...
Turn on the TV
Set it to channel 3
Turn on the Stereo to LD
Turn on the DVD player
Put in the disk
Press play
Turn on the VCR
Start playing a tape on the VCR
(at this point, you'll have VCR picture, but DVD sound)
Hit Stop on the VCR (you should now have DVD picture)
Turn the volume all the way down on the TV (it's just fuzz)
Adjust volume on the stereo for your sound

It will NOT work if you forget any of these steps.

Now, I do NOT take responsibility for this. One of Chris' friends hooked it up (Johnny Spankmonkey, in fact, for those who remember him).

I thank my lucky stars that the computer, monitor, printer, answering machine and all of that other shit isn't wired into this nightmare.

I don't DARE unplug anything for fear that nothing would work from that point on.
It's simply amazing.

January 20, 2006

SASF v.1.20.6 -Insert Clever Theme Title Here-

Good Gawd. I have been so busy at work I'm starting to wonder which way is up. I'm seriously considering cloning as they obviously need two of me. gah!

...and it certainly doesn't help that my connection is poking along at a pace just above excrutiating (this is supposed to be high speed?) and my image host is moving like a turtle with hemorrhoids. double gah! grrrr grumble growl. WTF? They both usually FLY.

So, my apologies for the lateness and the fact that this is sloppily thrown together, but it's better than nothing, right? lol

Fun with Gifs

Here are some really fun .gif files that I've found recently. These little pieces of animated goodness crack me up. Feel free to steal them if you like. :D


For Pup. lol

I just love Jack. He's ace.

...but not as much as I love Legolas!

...or Napoleon! *swoon*

This is one that the ever-so-awesome Archmage made for me. Bitchin'

This is one of my all-time faves!

Then again, there's the one a little lower down in the post. Mrowr. lol

Free 411

Hate paying for directory assistance? I know I do. Check out 1-800-FREE-411!

If you call for a residential number, you'll get it for free. If you call for a business number, you may be offered competitors in the area that you are calling as well as the number that you specifically asked for.

TruthOrFiction.com made several test calls to 800 FREE-411. One of the calls resulted in a short advertisement being played over the phone shortly before they were given to the number. Others did not. When they asked for the number of their own offices in California, they were given a number that more than a year-and-a-half old so some of their databases may not be up to date. Also, the system is automated at first. You are directed by voice prompts and a couple of our calls resulted in delay because the voice system could not understand what they were saying but they were directed to a live person who was able to process the request successfully.


This guy has a very original idea for something to sell on eBay. He also obviously has way too much time on his hands. lol


The Eternal Question Answered

Why did the chicken cross the road?

We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it!

The chicken's habitat on the other side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrial greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.

To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet that somebody out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this?!? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars. And when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the government took from you to build a road for chickens to cross.

No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

To die in the rain. Alone.

I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.

Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together - in peace.

It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

It was an historic inevitability.

To boldly go where no chicken has ever gone before.

The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

I have just witnessed eChicken2003, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet explorer is an integral part of eChicken.

Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

I invented the chicken!

And God came down from heaven, and he said unto the chicken THOU SHALT CROSS THE ROAD. And the chicken didst cross the road, and there was much rejoicing.

Did I miss one?

Thanks to Magz for the giggles!

Cool Art That Messes with Your Head

How many deer do you see?

Can you find the four people in this image?

How many horses do you see? I only see 5, but there are supposedly seven. Suddenly I'm feeling a little inadequate. lol

Keyboard Blues

Well, as I mentioned in my last post, my cat knocked over a glass and spilled milk all over my keyboard in the middle of the night. Since this little incident, several keys do not work. They aren't stuck - they just don't work. Well, one of my coworkers told me to wash it in the dishwasher as that could fix it (but don't put it through the hot dry cycle). Have any of you heard this before? Does it work?

Tatt of the Week

Is that the London Tube?? lol

Well, y'all have a mighty fine weekend. I plan on doing as little as possible!


January 18, 2006

HNT - Makeover w/Black Crochet

Happy Thursday!

This post is brief, but that's mainly because MY KEYBOARD IS PISSING ME OFF. My cat knocked a glass over and spilled all over it, and now the left shift, control key, backspace and left enter keys don't work. It's a pain in the ass!

Anyhoo...It's HNT, so say hello to my little groovy shimmy thing. I don't know what else to call it. It's made of black crochet and I think it's fun. The gams are shaping up nicely. Squeee!

I'm down another 10 pounds. Plateau successfully broken.

In other business, you might notice a change in the sidebar. If anyone objects to their photo or would like to see a different one, please let me know. :) I dig 'em.

Tear My Heart Open

...and sew myself shut
my weakness is
that I care too much
and our scars remind us
that the past is real
I tear my heart open
just to feel

This morning my little man, my son, the one I give all my love, time, effort, worries, encouragement...my heart to, told me that I'm mean and that he doesn't like me. Why? Because I made him go to preschool instead of letting him stay home by himself as he wanted.

Usually, when he sees the hurt look on my face, he changes his tune and tells me sorry and that he loves me.

Not this time.

I know he doesn't mean it.
I know I'm not a mean mom,
but it hurt.

I know it's just part of being a parent
and that kids will say these things
this is just the beginning,
but damn, it hurt.

I know that it's not the last time
it's not the first
I know he'll break my heart many times
before he becomes a man
but damn, it hurts.

January 17, 2006

Kingdom of Vodka Lemonade

Well, peeps, Celti got sloshed last night. Yep. On a Monday. I know, I know...
I stirred up a pitcher of vodka lemonade (sweetened with Splenda so no carbs! Yay!) to share with Chris while we watched "Kindom of Heaven" (not bad but a little slow, then again there's the Orlando factor to keep interest up. lol). It was mighty tasty and went down smoother than it probably should have. Next thing I knew, I was slurring my words, smiling entirely too much, and my ears were all red and hot.

On a completely different subject, I feel compelled to say HOORAY for Lost winning the Golden Globe! Woot!

Sooo...what better time than now to fill out the lovely questionnaire I snagged over at Sid's? heh

1. Have you ever been drunk? Um...see above.
2. How old were you the first time you got drunk? 16, I believe, on Mad Dog 20/20
3. Have you ever gotten/given digits while intoxicated? Yes, but they weren't always mine. lol
4. Have you ever drunk dialed? Oh Yes
5. Have you ever been drunk in front of family members? Unfortunately
6. Have you ever had to cover up the fact that you were drunk? Yes, indeed.
7. Have you ever been arrested for any alcohol related crime? NO *knocks on wood*
8. Have you ever hooked-up with someone while drunk? Yes (I'm so ashamed)
9. Ever forgot their name? No! It was....uh oh.
10. When was the last time you were drunk? See above. heh
11. Have you ever been on a drunken binge? Oooooh, yeah.
12. Do you need alcohol to have a good time? No, but it's a bonus.
13. What kind of alcohol gets you the most intoxicated? Probably Tequila.
14. Favorite liquor: Hmmm...favorite drink is a White Russian. But for favorite liquor, I'd say Bailey's Irish Creme.
15. Favorite beer: Don't have one - not much of a beer fan. Does hard cider count?
16. Have you ever woken up after a night of drinking and found out that you were still drunk? Yes, but it's been a long time since I've done that.
17. Have you ever swam drunk? yes, indeedy.
18. What kind of a drunk are you? sloppy, happy, funny, flirty drunk.
19. Is alcohol like "truth serum" to you? Yes, it is. Get me sauced up and I'll tell you exactly what I think. heh
20. Favorite drinking partners: Jose and Captain Morgan. lol
21. Favorite bar? Hairy Mary's. Put on your shit stompers and mosh! lol
22. Have you ever completely blacked out? Not that I know of.
23. Have you ever puked from drinking? yes, but only a few times. I usually pass out first.
24. Have you ever had the 'crying drunks'? Nope.
25. Can you still do physical activity while intoxicated? Most of the time - depends on the level of intoxication and the specific activity.
26. Have you ever gotten into a drunken fight? Yes, but it's normally me yelling at a drunken fool to straighten the hell up. lol
27. Who is the most annoying drunk that you know? Chris' friend Mike. He's all loud and obnoxious and touchy-feely.
28. Who is the most flirtatious drunk? Well, probably Mike. He can't keep his hands off me when he's drunk.
29. Do you have a drunken nickname? Not really, but it used to be Peppermint.
30. Have you received a booty call? yesss
31. Funniest drunken scene: that would be the time that I crawled up on the hood of this jerk's car and peed on it.
32. Favorite song(s) about drinking: "Baby, I'm Drunk" by The Reverend Horton Heat or "Brain Stew" by Green Day
At this point, number thirty-three is missing from the list. Apparently, the person who wrote this was drunk at the time. lol
34. Have you ever been hit on by someone decently older? Decently? Well, not decently, but I've been propositioned by a few that could easily be my father. erg.
35. What's the worst 'buzz kill'? Having to talk to the cops and act like you're not drunk.
36. Have you ever dated a bartender or bouncer or cocktail waitress? No, but a DJ...yes. :)
37. Do you ever say to yourself, "Fuck, I need a Beer"? Well, no, but I've said "Fuck, I need a drink!" many times.
38. Do strangers ever buy you drinks? Some times. They rarely get what they want for it, though. ;)
39. Have you ever drank too much? What kind of an idiotic question is this? Duh...
40. Is there anything you refuse to drink? Nasty, cheap beer.
41. Have you ever been drunk on a plane? Ooooh yes. Spending 4 hours alone in a bar at JFK waiting for a flight to Europe will do that to you.
42. Have you ever gotten drunk during the day? many times.
43. Have you ever had to run from the cops and leave the beer behind? Yes, in college. yikes!
44. What's your favorite drinking game? Cooteras Iron Chef game!
45. Have you ever injured yourself while drunk? Other than a scraped knee, I think my brain suffered the most injuries.
46. What's the most destructive thing that you have done while you were drunk? Blew up a toilet.
47. Ever been drunk at a concert? many time.
48. Is this survey getting too long? yes
49. Are you ready for the last question? YES!
50. Why do you drink? Now, no matter what I say here it will sound bad, but here goes: because it feels goooood. :)

January 16, 2006

Long Live the Queens

When I moved to the city that I now call my home, the only people I knew who lived here was a gay couple. I hung out with them, and they introduced me to their gay friends, one of which was Steve (aka Steph). More about Steve in a bit...

(Perhaps some time I'll write about the blind double date they set me up on. lol)

Because most of my friends were gay, I spent a lot of time hanging out at the local gay night club. It was really a lot of fun, and it's quite amusing to see those boys get all worked up when I'd kick their asses at pool. Hey, I grew up with a pool table in my basement. They didn't like some "miss fish" beating them, but I thought it was a gas. In a lot of ways, going to this club was more fun than the regular night clubs. You could be yourself, relax and have a good time rather than worrying about how you size up to the other steaks on display at the meat market. Ug.

Back to Steve - he was a drag queen, and she/he and I spent a lot of time together as we had become good friends. Since I had a considerable amount of experience in hair and makeup from my theater days, he recruited my help when he decided to participate in a local beauty pageant. You see, something went wrong when Steve was born. He should have been a female. Honestly, he was not a remarkable looking man at all, but when he dressed up as Steph, he was drop-dead gorgeous. He could do himself up and go out on the town and the men would be tripping over themselves to get to her. Little did they know! lol He really seemed to enjoy life more as a female than he did as "himself."

Through my friendship with Steve/Steph, I got to know a lot of other drag queens. They are an interesting lot, let me tell you. They take their pageants and their "alternate personas" very seriously.

In preparation for the pageant, Steph managed to get a hold of an Oleg Cassini original sequined gown - it was fabulous. She obtained some really great falsies, too - the kind they provide for breast cancer patients that you put into a bra, very natural look, feel and movement. You'd see anything from bras stuffed with toilet paper to these.

These pageants were very much like any other theater production - lots of behind-the-scenes action, costume changes, makeup touch-ups and emergency sewing of buttons and such. This pageant had a few extra twists, though, as you might expect - especially for me. I had the privilege of being in the dressing room and watching the transformation of many from ordinary looking man, to beauty queen divas. Holy cow, what an experience. The pageants had the evening gown competitions, and talent competitions mostly. Their talent was usually lip-synching to something along the lines of Donna Summer or Barbara Streisand. There was some really bad lip-synching and others who pull it off quite well.

I'll never forget being stopped in the dressing room with "Honey, could you zip me up?" as well as "Girlfriend, are these on straight?" (yes, the boobs. heh). A lot of comments were made as to how jealous they were of my "natural assets." hee hee

There is such a thing as a decent drag queen:

Ripping off Marilyn. Typical.

There is such a thing (all too often) as a tawdry drag queen:


Then there are the REALLY bad drag queens.

Oh, come on! He/she didn't even try (or, rather, shouldn't have).

Then there are the amazing ones that make it REALLY hard to tell that they're a man:

Yes, this is a man. That's got to be a latex chest plate as you can't pull that off with falsies!

The crowned beauties you see here (if I remember correctly) are Miss Gay Cedar Rapids, Miss Gay Iowa and Miss Gay USA 2004.

Really, if you get a chance to attend a drag queen show or pageant, do it. You'll need to have an open mind, of course, but they're quite amusing, very interesting and rather amazing at times.

- Miss Thang (Yes, that's what they called me. lol)

January 15, 2006

Sunday, Lazy Sunday

blub blub blub, what a lazy day.

Slept until 10:30 - huzzah!

Got up & made breakfast for everyone. Egg sammiches for the boys and a garlic-cheese omelet for me. ...and bacon. Mmmmmmm, bacon. :p

Drank coffee. Foglifter. Still foggy.

Blogged & grinned like mad because I made someone happy - possibly made their day. :D Also got to see another blogger's face for the first time - squeee! Hooray for decloaking.

Played with the dog.

Drank more coffee - fog successfully lifted.

Played Jimmy Neutron with the D-man.

Did LOTS of reading (frequently interrupted, of course, but nonetheless...) and lounged around in various states of pajamadom & forms of undressed-ness.

Played with the dog some more.

Made a late lunch.

Took some pictures that might do quite nicely for HNT.

Blogged a little more.

Played with the dog some more. She's insatiable.

Read some more. Soooo close to finishing this book.

Now, I fancy a nap, but it is not to be. Going over to the in-laws for dinner, so perhaps, now that it's 4, I should get dressed. heh.

It's a beautiful day. I think the D-man and I will stop at a park and play for a bit on the way to Grandma's. Yeah.

The dog is currently sitting on the couch staring at me with a rather inquisitive look on her face. Perhaps she'd like to go to the park as well.

Happy Sunday, all.

January 13, 2006

SASF v.1.13 - Balderdash!

Today is another loverly Friday the 13th. I refuse to cower in fear of the horrible things that might happen today. Rubbish! 13 is one of my lucky numbers. Ooooh, and it's a full moon today! Woot! It may as well be a holiday for me. ;p

Friday the 13th
Ever wonder why the 13th? ...or rather why Friday the 13th?

Well, across continents and centuries, Friday the 13th has long been regarded as an unusually unlucky day. Legend has it that calamity is likely to come on this day, bringing bad luck and ominous misfortune. In modern times Friday the 13th has become more a source of amusement than true fear, but many still avoid certain activities even due to lighthearted superstition. Most will hesitate before marrying, starting a new job or moving on this day . However, why Friday the 13th came to be viewed as a day to beware remains a mystery to many.

The Devil's Dozen
Why all the fuss about Friday the 13th? The legend has roots in history for a couple of reasons – both the number thirteen and Fridays are depicted in Christianity as sinister. The number thirteen alone is loaded with drivelsuperstition. Many hotels skip the 13th floor and airlines often do not number the aisle thirteen. What's the fuss all about?

The origin of the unlucky thirteen is linked to the belief that there were thirteen people at The Last Supper before Jesus' crucifixion. The thirteenth person was Judas, the betrayer. A Norse myth also tells of a feast of twelve, interrupted by a thirteenth uninvited guest. The result was a struggle, resulting in earth plunging into darkness. (Yeah, and much of it is still there.)

Freaky Fridays
The same goes for Fridays...they have a very unlucky history in Christianity. The crucifixion of Jesus is said to have taken place on Friday. The same goes for the fall of Adam and Eve, and the Great Flood. Did they even call the days Monday through Sunday then?

Just the Facts, Ma'am
Studies show an increase in traffic accidents on Friday the 13th despite there being fewer cars on the road. Hospital emergency rooms are busier, too. It seems that the day is unlucky for some. Psychologists attribute this to the heightened sense of anxiety experienced on this day, making accidents and illness more likely to occur.

Don't be paranoid - enjoy your Friday!


Cy, short for Cyclopes, was a kitten born on December 28, 2005 with only one eye and no nose. The kitten was born in Redmond, Oregon. Cy, a ragdoll breed, died after living for only one day. It was one of two in the litter with its sibling born normal and healthy. Poor little guy. He probably had other deformities that prevented him from surviving. I wonder if ragdolls are prone to anomalies such as this - I had a ragdoll cat that had seven toes on her front paws.

(By the way, although this is rumored to be a hoax, Snopes.com says it's true.)

Proud Celti Keeps On Burnin'

Last night I had a dream that I was riding around all over town on my big wheel. I was stopping to see friends, shopping, all the things I would normally do, but traveling by big wheel. Yeah. People were giving me funny looks and asking me about it, and I would smile and wave like it was nothing unusual. I woke up very perplexed.

Piping Hot

Piping Hot

50 Ways to LeaveUse Your iPod

These are quite clever. I don't have an iPod, but I do have an mp3 player, so I can certainly relate.

A couple of faves:

Relive the good old Walkman days
If you pull the guts out of an old Sony Walkman, you can stow your iPod in there and wear it around pretending it's 1987 all over again. Hipster chic!

Disguise it as Breath Mints
The iPod shuffle is so small that it fits nicely within a case of Altoids. Punch a hole in the top for your headphones, and people watching you listen to an Altoids tin will think there's something curiously wrong with you.


Who's Your Happy Bunny?
brought to you by Quizilla

heh - this could be a slogan for just about any persons blog.

It's Not a Tooomah, Really.

Seems the Governator of the land of fruits and nuts thinks he's exempt from a law or two. He crashed his motorcycle (and it has a side car - how freakin' hard can that be?)resulting in 15 stitches in his lip and it was discovered that he is not licensed to ride a motorcycle. ...and he had a police escort. Sheesh!

Holy Hasselhoff!

A 13 FOOT statue of David Hasselhoff was created for the upcoming Spongebob Squarepants movie.

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Callin' You Out!

A request from me, people...

It's national "delurking week" this week, so I would LOVE to see my comments filled with new, bright, shiny faces telling me who you are, saying hi, or telling me to sod off. Whatever! Now, damnit, there are approximately 175 of you that come here EVERY DAMN DAY, and I get 10-20 comments. That's pathetic, so speak up people!

That's all I've got for today, my beloved. Except for the fact that I feel compelled to inform you that


Love ya!


January 12, 2006

HNT - Speed Racer


It's that time again, friends and neighbors!

Ahhhh, the morning drive in to work. The sight you see here is, indeed, a rare sight. This road is normally teeming with vehicles. It's a bit odd that I have a nice open road in front of me here, but I like it. vroom vroom! Hey, there's my favorite Vietnamese place on the right where they have pressed ducks hanging all over the place. Great stuff. Quack.

Is it just me or does the sky look kind of surreal? Wierd.

Anyhoo, I think it's interesting to observe the differences in how people do things - like hold the steering wheel. This is my typical grip - splayed out wide for maximum turning dexterity and a good handle on it. Might come originally from my racing days - left hand firm on the wheel, right on the stick. heh.

People who hold the wheel with both hands on "3 o'clock and 10 o'clock" crack me up - it's like they're scared that they'll lose control. Some people do the casual one hand at the bottom of the wheel. To me, that's not adequately prepared for manuvering if some idiot pulls a fast one on you. ...and then there are those who drive with their knee. tsk tsk

Ok...I've analyzed this way too much. lol

Happy HNT, peeps!

The Queens are coming (but probably after SASF. lol)

January 11, 2006

Preview of Things to Come

Well, this post is taking a little longer than expected to write, so I'll give you a preview.

pancake, tape & glitter
heh heh

January 09, 2006

Damage Path

I've mentioned several times here lately that 2005 sucked for me. It didn't just suck, it sucked more than anything has ever sucked before (name that movie). Why, you ask? Well, there were a lot of reasons but the main one I really can't explain. I think the biggest reason was that I was sick - yes, sick. Sick in the head.

I've struggled with anxiety and depression since I was a teenager. Perhaps there was some kind of hormonal anomaly that happened when I hit puberty, but it was a downhill slide from there. It got bad enough to prompt me to take medication in my early 20s, and it did help. I think it was the wrong medication, though.

Anyway, this last year (actually, probably more like 2 years) things have gone a few more miles down hill. I battled with negativity, lack of self confidence, bad attitude, depression, hopelessness, anxiety and paranoia. What's worse is the fact that it got so bad that it started spilling out. I projected these things onto others and made them into monsters in my head, making so many things into the proverbial mountain out of molehills. I interpreted people's actions as their problems and issues instead of recognizing them as what most of them really were - my fucked up interpretation of what was going on. It was like seeing the world through badly made stained glass - fragmented, discolored and distorted.

A few months ago, a nasty turn of events caused me to dive deep down into my soul and really analyze - rip it apart and put it back together piece by piece in an effort to understand it. I figured out a lot more about how I tick, and, more specifically, how I was not ticking properly.

I came a long way in those months, but I still wasn't well. It became obvious that I needed help. Panic attacks, brief highs, extreme lows and anxiety prompted me to get the help I needed. I started taking and continue to take medication that has helped so much more than I expected it to that now I'm kicking myself for not doing it sooner. Several people have mentioned how much my demeanor has improved, and how different I seem in a positive way. I can't tell you how good that makes me feel, though it makes me feel a bit ashamed of the way I had been acting.

Sure, there were a lot of times when the real me would shine through, but there were evil demons leaking through the cracks that you could see if you got too close. I alienated several friends during that time, and a few friendships were lost. There are others who stuck by my side and supported me and I love them even more than I already did for that.

I guess what I need to say is this: if I ever made you uncomfortable, pissed you off or made you sick of hearing me whine, I am sorry. It wasn't really me. Well, it was but it wasn't. Hopefully you understand.

All of you that come here to read mean a lot to me. However, there are a few specific people that stand out and I have a few words for...

Owl, Nanner, Jamie R., HEP, Tricia, Boo, Derek, Pup, Archmage, Vince, Brighton, Denny, Cootera, Varla, Nurse Jamie, Omega, Se7en, JustMe, SpcKnght - You have been wonderful friends. Your support, your willingness to lend me your ear (or your shoulder), the valuable advice you've offered and your patience with me is recognized and appreciated. Your gift of friendship is worth more than you'll ever know. Thank you for bearing with me through the storm.

Lastly, there's Chris, my husband. He has stood by my side through all of this, and though I know it was rough, he never turned his back on me. Despite what I have put him through, he has been my rock and I love him so.

Sorry for honey-dripping that I just submitted you to, but I felt those things needed to be said. I also want to say that if you are suffering, struggling as I have been, get help. Don't be ashamed. Your friends and family with love you even more for it and it just might allow you to love yourself, which is most important.

January 06, 2006

SASF v.1.6.6 - Down In It

Ahhhh, a fresh new year. So far so good, peeps. I'm short on time, though, so lets dive right in!

It's Sid's Fault...Really

You Are a Punk Rocker!

When it comes to rock, you don't follow any rules.
You know that rocking out is all about kickin' ass. You've got an incredible stage presence and rock persona. You scare moms, make bad girls (or boys) swoon, and live life on the edge!

Heh - rock on! \m/


18 Tricks To Teach your Body

1. If your throat tickles, scratch your ear.
When you were 9, playing your armpit was a cool trick. Now, as an adult, you can still appreciate a good body-based feat, but you're more discriminating. Take that tickle in your throat; it's not worth gagging over. Here's a better way to scratch your itch: "When the nerves in the ear are stimulated, it creates a reflex in the throat that can cause a muscle spasm," says Scott Schaffer, M.D., president of an ear, nose and throat specialty center in Gibbsboro, New Jersey. "This spasm relieves the tickle."

2. Experience supersonic hearing!
If you're stuck chatting up a mumbler at a cocktail party, lean in with your right ear. It's better than your left at following the rapid rhythms of speech, according to researchers at the UCLA David Geffen School of Medicine. If, on the other hand, you're trying to identify that song playing softly in the elevator, turn your left ear toward the sound. The left ear is better at picking up music tones.

3. Overcome your most primal urge!
Need to pee? No bathroom nearby? Fantasize about Jessica Simpson. Thinking about sex preoccupies your brain, so you won't feel as much discomfort, says Larry Lipshultz, M.D., chief of male reproductive medicine at the Baylor College of Medicine. For best results, try Simpson's "These Boots Are Made for Walking" video.

4. Feel no pain!
German researchers have discovered that coughing during an injection can lessen the pain of the needle stick. According to Taras Usichenko, author of a study on the phenomenon, the trick causes a sudden, temporary rise in pressure in the chest and spinal canal, inhibiting the pain-conducting structures of the spinal cord.

5. Clear your stuffed nose!
Forget Sudafed. An easier, quicker, and cheaper way to relieve sinus pressure is by alternately thrusting your tongue against the roof of your mouth, then pressing between your eyebrows with one finger. This causes the vomer bone, which runs through the nasal passages to the mouth, to rock back and forth, says Lisa DeStefano, D.O., an assistant professor at the Michigan State University college of osteopathic medicine. The motion loosens congestion; after 20 seconds, you'll feel your sinuses start to drain.

6. Fight fire without water!
Worried those wings will repeat on you tonight? "Sleep on your left side," says Anthony A. Star-poli, M.D., a New York City gastroenterologist and assistant professor of medicine at New York Medical College. Studies have shown that patients who sleep on their left sides are less likely to suffer from acid reflux. The esophagus and stomach connect at an angle. When you sleep on your right, the stomach is higher than the esophagus, allowing food and stomach acid to slide up your throat. When you're on your left, the stomach is lower than the esophagus, so gravity's in your favor.

7. Cure your toothache without opening your mouth!
Just rub ice on the back of your hand, on the V-shaped webbed area between your thumb and index finger. A Canadian study found that this technique reduces toothache pain by as much as 50 percent compared with using no ice. The nerve pathways at the base of that V stimulate an area of the brain that blocks pain signals from the face and hands.

8. Make burns disappear!
When you accidentally singe your finger on the stove, clean the skin and apply light pressure with the finger pads of your unmarred hand. Ice will relieve your pain more quickly, Dr. DeStefano says, but since the natural method brings the burned skin back to a normal temperature, the skin is less likely to blister.

9. Stop the world from spinning!
One too many drinks left you dizzy? Put your hand on something stable. The part of your ear responsible for balance-the cupula-floats in a fluid of the same density as blood. "As alcohol dilutes blood in the cupula, the cupula becomes less dense and rises," says Dr. Schaffer. This confuses your brain. The tactile input from a stable object gives the brain a second opinion, and you feel more in balance. Because the nerves in the hand are so sensitive, this works better than the conventional foot-on-the-floor wisdom.

10. Unstitch your side!
If you're like most people, when you run, you exhale as your right foot hits the ground. This puts downward pressure on your liver (which lives on your right side), which then tugs at the diaphragm and creates a side stitch, according to The Doctors Book of Home Remedies for Men. The fix: Exhale as your left foot strikes the ground.

11. Stanch blood with a single finger!
Pinching your nose and leaning back is a great way to stop a nosebleed-if you don't mind choking on your own O positive. A more civil approach: Put some cotton on your upper gums-just behind that small dent below your nose-and press against it, hard. "Most bleeds come from the front of the septum, the cartilage wall that divides the nose," says Peter Desmarais, M.D., an ear, nose, and throat specialist at Entabeni Hospital, in Durban, South Africa. "Pressing here helps stop them."

12. Make your heart stand still!
Trying to quell first-date jitters? Blow on your thumb. The vagus nerve, which governs heart rate, can be controlled through breathing, says Ben Abo, an emergency medical-services specialist at the University of Pittsburgh. It'll get your heart rate back to normal.

13. Thaw your brain!
Too much Chipwich too fast will freeze the brains of lesser men. As for you, press your tongue flat against the roof of your mouth, covering as much as you can. "Since the nerves in the roof of your mouth get extremely cold, your body thinks your brain is freezing, too," says Abo. "In compensating, it overheats, causing an ice-cream headache." The more pressure you apply to the roof of your mouth, the faster your headache will subside.

14. Prevent near-sightedness!
Poor distance vision is rarely caused by genetics, says Anne Barber, O.D., an optometrist in Tacoma, Washington. "It's usually caused by near-point stress." In other words, staring at your computer screen for too long. So flex your way to 20/20 vision. Every few hours during the day, close your eyes, tense your body, take a deep breath, and, after a few seconds, release your breath and muscles at the same time. Tightening and releasing muscles such as the biceps and glutes can trick involuntary muscles-like the eyes-into relaxing as well.

15. Wake the dead!
If your hand falls asleep while you're driving or sitting in an odd position, rock your head from side to side. It'll painlessly banish your pins and needles in less than a minute, says Dr. DeStefano. A tingly hand or arm is often the result of compression in the bundle of nerves in your neck; loosening your neck muscles releases the pressure. Compressed nerves lower in the body govern the feet, so don't let your sleeping dogs lie. Stand up and walk around.

16. Impress your friends!
Next time you're at a party, try this trick: Have a person hold one arm straight out to the side, palm down, and instruct him to maintain this position. Then place two fingers on his wrist and push down. He'll resist. Now have him put one foot on a surface that's a half inch higher (a few magazines) and repeat. This time his arm will cave like the French. By misaligning his hips, you've offset his spine, says Rachel Cosgrove, C.S.C.S., co-owner of Results Fitness, in Santa Clarita, California. Your brain senses that the spine is vulnerable, so it shuts down the body's ability to resist.

17. Breathe underwater!
If you're dying to retrieve that quarter from the bottom of the pool, take several short breaths first-essentially, hyperventilate. When you're underwater, it's not a lack of oxygen that makes you desperate for a breath; it's the buildup of carbon dioxide, which makes your blood acidic, which signals your brain that somethin' ain't right. "When you hyperventilate, the influx of oxygen lowers blood acidity," says Jonathan Armbruster, Ph.D., an associate professor of biology at Auburn University. "This tricks your brain into thinking it has more oxygen." It'll buy you up to 10 seconds.

18. Read minds!
Your own! "If you're giving a speech the next day, review it before falling asleep," says Candi Heimgartner, an instructor of biological sciences at the University of Idaho. Since most memory consolidation happens during sleep, anything you read right before bed is more likely to be encoded as long-term memory.

thanks be to Archmage for these fascinating tricks. You rock, wild man.


In the year 2006 I resolve to:

Get more bang for my buck.

Get your resolution here

On the other hand, the management of my company, it seems, made a resolution to work the asses off the masses. Sheesh!


Pup sent me a link to this. Damn you, Pup! (kidding!) It's addictive. You have several elements falling - sand, water, salt, oil and you can build walls to re-route them, mix them, set them on fire, etc. Fun!

Moon Amtrack!

Seems there is a bit of a club of sorts that takes great joy in mooning Amtrack passengers as they travel. I found it VERY amusing...check it out.


I've been groovin' the tunes today on that yahoo music launch.com thingy. It rocks. I just saw (for the first time) the video for Nine Inch Nails' Closer. Um....how do I put this...? It's soooo twisted, but holy shit, it made me hot. I had to fan myself. Jeebus. :D

I then watched the video for Down In It (the inspiration for today's title). The video sucks, but the song is one of my all time favorites. The lyrics, I'm happy to share with you:

Down In It

Kinda like a cloud I was up way up in the sky
and I was feeling some feelings you wouldn't believe
sometimes I don't believe them myself
and I decided I was never coming down.
just then a tiny little dot caught my eye
it was just about too small to see
but I watched it way too long and
it was pulling me down.

I was up above it.
I was up above it.
Not down in it
I was up above it.
I was up above it.
Not down in it

Well shut up, so what, what does it matter now?
I was swimming in the haze, now I crawl on the ground
and everything I never liked about you is kind of seeping into me
try to laugh about it now but isn't it funny how everything works out?
('i guess the jokes on me.' she said)

I was up above it.
I was up above it.
Not down in it
I was up above it.
I was up above it.
Not down in it

I used to be so big and strong.
I used to know my right from wrong.
I used to never be afraid.
I used to be somebody
I used to have something inside
Now just this hole that's open wide.
I used to want it all
I used to be somebody

I'll cross my heart and hope to die but the needle's already in my eye
and all the world's weight is on my back and I don't even know why.
What I used to think was me is just a fading memory
I looked it right in the eye and said "goodbye."

I was up above it.
I was up above it.
Not down in it
I was up above it.
I was up above it.
Not down in it

Hell yeah! Anyhoo...I discovered a few new bands that I like today, too:

Morning Wood (What a freakin' awesome name for a band!)
The Distillers (yeah, I know they're not new - but a new discovery for me)

By the way, Henry Rollins rocks my socks. Just thought you'd like to know. ;)

Damn, he's hairy. *snicker*

LOST, Indeed

Lost fans should dig these. I love them dearly, especially the second one. F'ing brilliant.

A sideways kinda look at lost from a very dramatic viewpoint.

Lost Rhapsody
thanks be to SpcKnght for that link. bless you! bless you! bless you!

Well, that's all for today, folks. Hope you enjoyed these goodies as much as I did. Lunch is calling! Have a wonderful weekend!