January 18, 2006

Tear My Heart Open

...and sew myself shut
my weakness is
that I care too much
and our scars remind us
that the past is real
I tear my heart open
just to feel

This morning my little man, my son, the one I give all my love, time, effort, worries, encouragement...my heart to, told me that I'm mean and that he doesn't like me. Why? Because I made him go to preschool instead of letting him stay home by himself as he wanted.

Usually, when he sees the hurt look on my face, he changes his tune and tells me sorry and that he loves me.

Not this time.

I know he doesn't mean it.
I know I'm not a mean mom,
but it hurt.

I know it's just part of being a parent
and that kids will say these things
this is just the beginning,
but damn, it hurt.

I know that it's not the last time
it's not the first
I know he'll break my heart many times
before he becomes a man
but damn, it hurts.


  1. He'll get over it as will you. Sometimes you have to be mean to be a good parent I think. One day he'll realize that and it will all come flooding back how much you loved him all along.

    You gotta do what ya gotta do!!


  2. Aww sweetie, I definitely know what you speak of. And oh well, you're a mean mommy, could be worse, you could be Mommie Dearest. D will appreciate you very much one day ... just not any day soon. *Hugs*

  3. Hey, it happens to all parents at one time or another. But I am sure you know that he doesn't really mean it. He thinks he does, but we all know different.... unless.... he grows up to be a charlie manson, then you might have some probs. lol

  4. Yeah, the darker side of parenting.

  5. ((((Big monster hug))))))

    Don't you worry, you'll hear more of it. Grasshopper usually says sorry after an I hate you, but not always. After a while you recognize that they're just saying it and don't really mean it. Still, it's not easy at first.

  6. Hey, who needs children when we can put ourselves down ten times better? :)

    Give him spinach and cabbage with plain white fish for dinner for a few nights. And no sauce. He'll remember pretty well how much he loves you when he remembers how much he likes the stuff you always do for him. :)

  7. Se7en - I know, we both already have. He was sure to tell me as soon as I picked him up that he was sorry & he loves me. awww. Gotta have discipline, though. *hugs*

    Nanner - I'm sure you do. NO WIRE HANGERS! lol *hugs*

    Denny - I know. No murderous madmen in my family yet. lol

    Pete - indeed.

    Vince - {{hugz}} I know there's a long road ahead before he sorts his head out. lol

    Calzone - you have no idea. ;) grrr

    Owl - No kidding! Ha ha ha ha ha! That's a great idea. Actually, he was subjected to no computer games for the night. That's what he'd thrown a fit over.