March 31, 2005

The Swirling Vortex

I am in a very pensive mood today. It has carried over somewhat from yesterday, but with a more positive, dreamy twist. Add a dash of sleep deprivation, and you get the swirling vortex that is my thoughts.

Prompted to focus on dreams and fantasy, I have been contemplating what I really want out of life. I’m talking about goals here...what is really important. Like driving out the impurities that prevent me from feeling complete inner peace.

A line from yesterday’s post is a driving force – "I don’t want to sell my life for money." Of course, you can’t live without money, but it is not what is important - relationships are. Relationships with the people you love, the people you care about and those who are important to you – and, more predominantly, your relationship with yourself. Can you look in the mirror and love yourself? I’m not talking about loving how you look, but loving yourself. Knowing that you are a good person, and that you are worthy of love, affection, respect and kindness.

I was once told that you can not really ever love someone until you love yourself. So many would dispute that. I can see what they meant – I would say that you can not be effective at loving someone if you don't.

Only you can truly make yourself happy. Of course, outside influences have a major impact on this, but the peace and tranquility have to come from within. You have to take control of your situation and make what you can of it. You know what they say, if life gives you lemons...

I really don't know where I'm going with this...just following the patterns of the thoughts that are swirling around. The thunderstorm is still going on in there, bolts of lightening sparking ideas.

What do you do if you have one foot buried in the concrete of your current life and suddenly something calls to you? Do you chew off that foot to pursue it? Smash the concrete of your current situation and toss it aside, setting yourself free? Would it be a mistake? Would you regret it forever if you didn't? You'll never know unless you try.

I’ve always believed that you can’t ever really succeed without taking risks – without sticking that proverbial neck out there.

Give me a sledgehammer.
(update - upon hearing that my comments are farked up, I turned blogger comments (over to the right) back on...)

March 30, 2005


Ok. I can not write a symphony, or a dictionary,
or even a letter to an old friend, full of remembrance
and comfort.

Can't manage a single sound though the blue jays
carp and whistle all day in the branches, without
the push of the wind.

But to tell the truth after a while I'm pale with longing
for their thick bodies ruckled with lichen

and you can't keep me from the woods, from the tonnage
of their shoulders, and their shining green hair.

Today is a day like any other: twenty-four hours, a
little sunshine, a little rain.

Listen, says ambition, nervously shifting her weight from
one boot to another -- why don't you get going?

For there I am, in the mossy shadows, under the trees.

And to tell the truth I don't want to let go of the wrists
of idleness, I don't want to sell my life for money,

I don't even want to come in out of the rain.

F-Stop Blues

Hermit crabs and cowry shells
Crush beneath his feet as he comes towards you
He's waving at you

Lift him up to see what you can see
He begins his focusing
He's aiming at you

And now he has cutaways from memories
And close-ups of anything that
He has seen or even dreamed
And now he's finished focusing

He's imagining lightning striking
sea sickness
Away from here

Look who's laughing now that you've wasted
How many years and you've barely even tasted
Anything remotely close to
Everything you've boasted about
Look who's crying now

Driftwood floats, after years of erosion
Incoming tide touches roots to expose them,
Quicksand steals my shoe,
Clouds bring the f-stop blues

Look who's laughing now that you've wasted
How many years and you've barely even tasted
Anything remotely close to
Everything you've boasted about
Look who's crying now

March 29, 2005


Cooter’s recent post about Dickie the Killer Cock (that’s a Rooster, btw) got me thinking about some of the funny and not-so-funny experiences I’ve had with animals. These memories could make for some entertaining posts, so I made a list:

Mickey the Horse
Dog Killed Kitten
Dog Bit my Lip
Dog Bit my Ass
Goosed up a Tree
Riding Cows
Cow Tipping
Bull Gored my Aunt
Chasing Boar
Baby Pigs
Castrating Pigs
Cannibalistic Pigs
Big Pig at Fair
Cannibalistic Gerbils
Snakes & my Mom
Savannah Monitor/Baby Dinosaur
Mr Bean the Bunny
Hunting Dogs
Placo Suicide

I will eventually get to all of these, but I think I’m going to start with the pigs. After all, I AM from Iowa, you know...

You see, many years ago Celti dated a hog-farmer. No, really! It’s not as bad as it sounds and there is really quite a lot of money in it. Since we dated for over a year, I spent a lot of time on his farm.

There were several different groups of pigs in different areas – the sows with babies, the little ones who were already weaned, the older ones ready to go to market, the breeders, the boars, etc. We would tool around the farm on his four-wheeler and feed them, tend to whatever pigs need tending to and such.

The sows with or about to have babies were out in the back lot. They each had their own little "house" that they lived in. You had to watch them as they could be mean if you got too close to their piggies, but the babies were so cute! Several times I got to hold a baby pig and I felt like Fern in "Charlotte’s Web." I resisted, however, the urge to adopt one. Might have had something to do with the fetal pig I’d dissected in biology class which I had named Wilbur…

The little ones were in the barn lot. There was an area of the barn lot that was paved and then a big mud pit, all of it surrounded by fence. This was quite a stinky area, so I avoided it most of the time.

One day I heard a horrible ruckus coming from the barn lot. One or more pigs were squealing (practically screaming) and my curiosity got the best of me so I went to investigate. One of the pigs had become trapped between the cement slab and the fence. Taking advantage of this, the other pigs were attacking it! They had already ripped off one of its ears! I freaked out and ran to find Andy. He laughed at me as he freed the pig from its trap, telling me that it was no big deal. I, on the other hand, found it quite disturbing. What were they going to do, eat him/her? Sheesh!

Completely ignorant to the whole pig-farming operation, one day I was greeted upon my arrival by Andy who was wearing a blood spattered apron. What the hell? He was blood spattered himself, and was holding this tool. It looked like some kind of S&M ice cream scoop. Today was the day that they had been castrating the young male pigs. You see, male pigs who are not castrated get what they call "boar taint" and their meat is not fit for human consumption, so they must be castrated in order to be viable for sale at the market. I'll spare you the gory details – let's just say it was another disturbing day on the farm.

A few of the male pigs are left intact each year as they are to become breeders. These boars are separated from the rest of the pigs as they can be quite aggressive and dangerous. One day, one of the boars escaped from his pen. It was up to us to go get him before he tore down fences, ran away, got hit by a car or worse. You have to understand – these suckers are HUGE, sometimes exceeding 1000 pounds! This bastard was a big one, and he was not nice. If one of these guys gets a hold of you, they could rip and arm or leg off if not kill you.

See what I mean? These are some big pigs! We’re talking as big as a car here, folks.

Anyway, here we are chasing this monstrous pig through this field, trying to get him back into his pen. Andy picked up a huge tree branch, and proceeded to whack this beast over the head with it. It didn't even faze him! He turned around and came after me, and I ended up jumping the fence (which I’m surprised he didn't go right through) to get away from him. After a few more whacks on the head, into the pen he went with the gate slammed behind him. It was a memorable experience to be sure.

These days, the only pig exposure I get is at the Iowa State Fair (which provides the best people-watching in the Midwest, by the way). Every year, we are sure to visit the livestock barns and see the big boar. They have a contest and the biggest boar that shows up at the fair. The winners owners get prizes and the beast is put on display for the rest of the fair. Last years winner weighed in at 1183 pounds. It is fascinatingly disgusting.

That's plenty of pig to last me through the whole year, thanks.

On a side note, and for more pig pictures (?!), check out this site. I nearly wet myself when I realized that the music playing on the website is the Human League classic "Don’t you want me?". Don't you want me, baby? LMAO

Can you believe I made it all the way through this post without mentioning the word PORK!?!?

March 28, 2005

It's Friday, Right?

Right? Please?

I got ripped off.

Friday, I felt like crap. I had that little tickle going on down deep in the lungs and that "sick" taste when I'd cough. Oh, it comes. In a futile attempt to ward off the bug, I popped several vitamin C and a multivitamin and went to bed early Friday night.

My efforts wasted, I woke up Saturday morning feeling like shit with a nasty, deep, racking cough. I couldn't let my little man down, though, and managed to drag my sorry butt out of the house to take him to an Easter egg hunt. Thankfully, it was quick. Upon returning home, I went down hill fast. I crashed & spent most of the day sleeping, The only "constructive" thing I did was go shopping for D's Easter basket, and that was excruciating.

Sunday morning around 10:30, I started feeling human again. Went for the family Easter dinner and ate too much, then felt like poo poo again. It was a gorgeous day, and D had a great time playing outside.

So, I feel like I missed my whole damn weekend. Am I salty about it? Damn straight! I think I should be able to officially deem today Friday so that I can have my weekend, dernit. Oh, well...

March 25, 2005

another edition of...Short Attention Span Friday!

Firstly, I would like to extend a warm welcome to whomever is finding my blog by searching for "celtic cleavage" on google. LOL

Mocha Goodness
Starbucks rocks! I have missed my morning mochas, so I stopped in to Starbuck's this morning with the extra 20 minutes I had (derned silly kid getting up at the crack o dawn) and discovered that they now have MOCHA LIGHT FRAPPUCCINO sweetened with Splenda! HOORAY! Very few carbs and it was yuuuuumy! Starbucks, you made my day!

Goochie Goo!
Speaking of low carbs - Martha Gooch has come out with a new, low carb pasta. I tried it last night and it was wonderful. I made a fabulous, mushroom & tuna stuffed cheesy casserole and it was awesome. You know how long it's been since I had pasta? Damn, it was good! Only 1/2 the carbs of regular pasta. ...and even my picky little wee one liked it! Martha, I think I love you.

Electra Spectra
I just have to share this. Yeah, we all know that Carmen Electra is a hot tamale, but I had no idea that she had talent, too! That girl can dance. Ouch!

Speaking of Hot

It was announced today that Angelina Jolie has been voted "sexiest woman in the world" in a poll done by FHM magazine. Well, duh!?!!! Not only is she stunning, she is intelligent, outspoken, passionate in her beliefs and well-respected the world over for her tireless efforts on behalf of the world's refugee children. Britney Spears, who was number one last year, didn't even make the top 100 this year. *snicker*

Here is a fun game for nice to Sanjeev and get Pringles! It really is quite fun and amusing. C'mon, give ole Sanjeev something to do - he's bored!

It's Peep Time!

March 24, 2005

Going to the Animals

I have animalistic issues. *snicker*

Your Assitance Requested
My snake needs a new name. The friend I bought him from named him Boo. Now, what kind of jacked up name is that? No offense, kimmy, but the snake is getting a new name. After a few months of Boo, I can take no more. Here he is crawling on my friend John's head...

The trouble is that I can't think of a good name for him! I need your help. I was thinking something greek maybe, like Posidon (yeah, that sucks) or something like that. He is a very friendly albino corn snake who is 5 years old, between 4 and 5 feet long. Any and all suggestions welcome! Thanks!

My Fur-baby is Sick
Pugsley, my Boston Terrier is not doing well. I had mentioned a while back that he's been having seizures. Well, they're getting worse. Sometimes he has as many as 3 per day. The vet said that they are most likely not painful, but man they look just horrible. A couple of days ago, he had one when he was standing at the top of the stairs and fell all the way down the stairs. He smashed his mouth on a stair and bloodied his lip. I felt so bad, so I dug out the baby gates to prevent that from happening again. He's also been peeing in the house lately, like he might be losing control. Poor guy.

He is completely blind from cataracts and now this. I will not be surprised if, one of these days, one of us comes home to find him dead. Sometimes, when he's having a seizure, I find myself hoping it will just take him so that he won't suffer anymore. The thing is, I can't tell if he is really suffering. He doesn't whine or show any signs of pain. We've considered putting him down, but just haven't been able to do it. We just hold him and pet him and be as nice to him as we can while we still have him.

I ask you...

Is this not the cutest puppy in the world? It's Seamus' buffledog. He now weighs in at 130#. Remember, when handling puppies - they grow up - a LOT. *grin*

March 23, 2005

Fast Food Marketing on LSD

With uncanny foresight, the downtown Burger King location here in town closed down just before the corporation's marketing department finally gave in to the clenches of a never-ending acid trip. How else can one explain their current campaign?

First, there was the subservient chicken (really, you have to just go there and try it to understand - or not). That was enough to make me scratch my head and wonder about their mental well-being.

Then came Ugoff - the ubersnotty fictitious fashion designer who supposedly designed their fancy pouch for their hot and cold salad goodies, he is part Sprockets, part Queer Eye, part Zoolander, part hamburger. Unfortunately, his website featuring models with designer pouches and videos has been taken down. *Pout*

But now...NOW, we have Hootie and the Blowfish singer Darius Rucker performing a gay, black Porter Waggoner impersonation while singing a jingle about a "crispy bacon cheddar ranch?"

Strange enough at first glance, look closer while you consider that advertising is about subliminal messages, and this transmits a death wish big enough to choke the chain's surviving stores. Rucker's lyrics were set to the tune of "the Big Rock Candy Mountain," written by Haywire MacClintock. That would have made a sane corporation cautious. Only a business seeking to corner the market for winos and panhandlers would want to associate with Haywire Mac's catchy second verse, where there's "a lake of gin, we can both jump in and the handouts grow on bushes." Then, you have the juicy "cowgirls" cavorting around in the background looking like the burgers, to them, are simply orgasmic.

See the ad HERE. Like I said - acid trip. I'm scared, wierded out and uncomfortably fascinated by it. It's like a horrible car accident that you can't stop looking at.

For that matter, the entire fast food industry resembles a paranoid schizophrenic in lithium withdrawal. While most fast food companies reacted to the nation's new "obesity consciousness" by denying their meat and fried-potato identities, Hardee's introduced a Monster Thickburger - a hefty 1420 calorie and 107 gram of fat behemoth. Alleged steroid slammer Mark McGuire participated in the ad campaign, credited for reversing a huge sales slump. Hardees can now fill the niche market for self-destructive men ages 12-40. If McDonald's tried this, they would be sued to grease trap hell.

Well, a surviving local BK is decidedly bipolar. They offer to substitute chili for fries on a dinner order, a $1 salad that consists of lettuce and croutons, a grilled shrimp salad (in a designer pouch) for $5 that looks much better than it tastes and a Hardee's sized "Hootie special" with cheesecake that allows you to virtually hear your arteries hardening as you chew.

Have any of you watched "Supersize Me"? If not, you should. Do it. If you didn't already have many reasons to not eat fast food, it will supply you with plenty. I'll be going home at lunch to eat the leftovers from last night's poached salmon and broccoli, thankyouverymuch.

March 22, 2005

Somewhere I Belong

I have nothing to say
and I get lost in the nothingness inside of me
I was confused
and I live it all out to find
that I'm not the only person with these things in mind
inside of me
but all that they can see the words revealed
it's the only real thing that i got left to feel
nothing to lose
just stuck hollow and alone
and the fault is my own and the fault is my own

I want to heal I want to feel
what I thought was never real
I want to let go of the pain I've felt so long.
erase all the pain 'til its gone
I want to heal I want to feel
like I'm close to something real.
I want to find something I've wanted all along
somewhere I belong

I still have nothing to say.
I cant believe I haven't fallen right down on my face
I was confused
looking everywhere only to find.
it is not the way I had imagined it all in my mind.
so what am I?
what do I have but negativity
'cause I can't justify the way everyone is looking at me
nothing to lose
nothing to gain I'm hollow and alone
and the fault is my own
and the fault is my own

I want to heal I want to feel
what I thought was never real
I want to let go of the pain I've felt so long.
erase all the pain 'til its gone
I want to heal I want to feel
like I'm close to something real.
I want to find something I've wanted all along
somewhere I belong

I will never know myself until I do this on my own
I will never feel anything else until my wounds are healed
I will never be anything 'til I break away from me
I will break away. I'll find myself today

Image Credit 2005 Heather Corrina

March 21, 2005

I Got Nuttin'

I submitted myself to a grueling day of organizing, cleaning, mopping, and laundry doing yesterday. The house looks great, but I think I hurt myself. I honestly feel like I'm 2/3 brain-dead today. Duhhhhh....

Can't think of a damn thing to post about. Nope... (tick tock, tick tock)...

So, how about a funny picture? YAY!

hee hee. Dogs Rock.

March 18, 2005

Short Attention Span Friday

Deep Breaths…Deep Breaths
Fucking Blogger! I had this post all done, ready to go, clicked publish and I get some damned socket server bullshit error. GAH! It ate my post! Now, I'm redoing the damn thing in WORD. *mumbling more explicatives under breath*

So, did you all survive the St. Paddy's Day debauchery? I went home, made tacos for dinner, got the kid bathed & ready for bed and settled in to watch CSI only to discover that IT WAS CANCELLED DUE TO THE FREAKIN' BASKETBALL TOURNAMENTS! Why does this always surprise me? It happens every year, but it never fails to PISS ME OFF. How dare they? Anyway, I watched the Apprentice, which was mildly interesting, and then went to bed. Woo hoo, what a party. pfffft! LOL

Coke with Lime - Ewwwww. I haven't tried it, not being much of a soda drinker, but it just sounds GROSS! Have any of you tried it? What's really irking me about it is those damn commercials I keep hearing on the radio - specifically the one that has the 'fridge singing that song when the open it to get a Coke with Lime. Now, their marketing is working - I get that freakin' "put the lime in the coconut" song stuck in my head and it's maddening. It is NOT, however, compelling me to want to try this concoction. I just think the whole thing is a bad idea. Coke has been successful for eons - why do they keep screwing around with it?

Today, doctors are scheduled to remove the feeding tube that has been keeping Terri Schiavo alive. This is a difficult, and heart-breaking case. I've watched the videos at her site and she is obviously not a vegetable. She is severely brain damaged, no doubt, but not in a vegetative state. It breaks my heart to think that, over the next couple of weeks, her parents will be forced to sit by her side as she starves to death needlessly. I don't understand why her husband just won't divorce her, break his ties (which is obviously what he wants) so he can move on with his life and let her parents take care of her!?

I go out to my car last night, ready to head home when I am greeted by WHAT inside my car? A MOSQUITO! Arrrrrgh! They’re out already? Oh, that sucks. That little bugger died, but I know he’s got a million cousins out there ready to strike. There are few things I hate more in this world than those little flying vampires They creep me out to no end - the thought that they suck blood out of the nearest rabid animal, transient, who-knows-what infected individuals and then come around to spear me with the same needle-snout?! Oh, no no. Oh, and they LOVE me, too. They'd pick me up and carry me away if they could. I am reminded every summer of the fact that I want, badly, to move away to somewhere that doesn’t have mosquitoes. Suggestions?

I was amused to find an article in the news today about legislation to ban erectile dysfunction ads from prime time TV. Bravo! I’m so sick of seeing these ads. If it’s a problem, talk to your doctor but do we really need to advertise? I really don’t appreciate the mental image of an old man with a 4 hour boner being planted in my brain 5 times or more per hour. That, with all of the herpes medication commercials and feminine hygiene products, is enough to drive consumers AWAY, marketing people! Marketing schmarketing.

In that same article, they make mention of the fact that medicare will soon be paying for erectile dysfunction medications. What? Now, consider the fact that most people on Medicare are of advanced age and beyond their reproductive years. Sure, they deserve to have their fun just like the rest of us, but is it medically necessary? Should medicare be paying for Grandpa to be able to get a stiffy when he likes? Oy!

You Think You’re Having a Bad Day?
Check these out:

(I told that idiot not to park there!)

(Oh, what a pain in the ass!)

(oh, deer...)

(this is why we don't drink and drive boats)

("Now honey, are you still mad because I bought such a big boat?")
Just remember, it could be much worse. Be safe out there, friends and neighbors!

March 17, 2005

No Green Beer for Me

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Although I don't celebrate St. Patrick's day for the purpose of honoring the Saint himself (having little respect for what he and his men did to the pagans), I do celebrate my Irish heritage. I use this day to honor my Irish ancestors.

I am a descendent of the O'Neils - a family that goes far back into Irish history. I was told by a friend, Irish singer Robin Mark, that the O'Neils were the last royal family and that the last king of Ireland was an O'Neil. I haven't been able to trace our lineage quite that far back.

My Irish ancestor, Hamilton O'Neil, came to america with his family during the Irish potato famine, as did scores of others. They came from County Cork, on the Southern tip of Ireland, home of Blarney Castle and the famous Blarney stone.

Blarney Castle

Unfortunately, I do not have a lot of information on the family while they were still in Ireland or whom was left behind, other than the fact that they were from Cork. Hamilton worked hard after arriving in America, and was forced to change his name to Neil in order to get work. There was a lot of discrimination during those times and it was hard to get work if you had an Irish name. He made his way to the west, to Northern Missouri, where land was plentiful and he could stake his claim. He established our family there where they farmed the land, and many remain.

At one point, several of the children stayed behind as their parents, Patrick and Comfort Neil, moved on to Texas. I have a stack of letters, written by Comfort and Patrick in Texas to their children in Missouri in the mid 1800s. They are among my most prized possessions. They tell of births, deaths, land transactions and daily life. Some of them, from the boys to their mother, assure her that they are being good, not gambling and staying away from the drink. It is so fascinating to read them - they are a peek into what life was like for them, so different from our lives today.

Ireland calls to me. One day, I will go there and see where this part of my family came from. I know that it will feel like home. I can't wait.

I will leave you with one of my favorite Irish blessings:

May the lilt of Irish laughter
Lighten every load
May the mist of Irish magic
Shorten every road
May you taste the sweetest pleasures
That fortune ere bestowed
And may all your friends remember
All the favor you are owed

March 15, 2005

Forgive Me, Buttcheeks, for I Have Sinned

It has been...oh, hell, who knows since my last confession. I'm not even Catholic.

Anyway, I've been bad. This morning I ate a whole handful of little mini chocolate bars. Hershey's be damned! Then, at lunch, I had 3 tacos - crunchy shells. They were good. Then, I ate 6 girlscout cookies. Damn, they're evil. It's all going to go straight to my ass, I know it.


(for those of you who may be fairly new to my blog, I am on a low-carb diet. It's kind of my own version of South Beach. Anyway, I have lost over 60 pounds and it's going great...for the most part)

March 14, 2005

Country Roads

Last night, after having put the wee one to bed, I settled into the lazy boy. Clicking through the channels to see what was on, I came across a PBS special that was filmed years ago. It was John Denver. I don’t know how many of you know John’s music, but I was raised on it. The remote was parked and I was transported to anther time.

“Almost heaven, West Virginia
Blue Ridge Mountains, Shenandoah river
Life is old there, older than the trees
Younger than the mountains, blowing like a breeze

Country roads, take me home
To the place, I belong
West Virginia, mountain momma
Take me home, country roads”

I spent a good share of my childhood in the Virginia mountains, and on country roads. John’s music, songs that we used to sing as a family on long car rides and around campfires, took me back to that time - a time of innocence, wonder and discovery.

I used to spend some summers, that endless stretch between school years, with my Aunt Bev and Uncle Milan, poking my toes in Smith Mountain lake, trying to catch guppies & collecting rocks or chasing tobacco snakes through the fields. The rest of my summers (and every other chance I got) were spent with my Grandparents on the farm.

Grandpa & Grandma had a farm of about 300 acres, lush green pastures, corn and soybeans stretching over the rolling hills. It was a couple hours’ drive from mom and dad’s house, and I would usually sleep through the trip. I was normally awoken by the change in roads at the state line – it is the most peculiar thing. As soon as you leave Iowa, with straight line highways and gently rolling hills, and cross over into Missouri, the topography changed dramatically. The people who built the Missouri roads did not cut them into the hillside, so they followed the land, so steep that you’d go airborne at the top if you were going too fast. Grandma’s house was only a few miles from the state line, we were almost there.

My tiny Grandma would always hear us coming up the road, and would run out to greet us with open arms. Inside, there would chicken and noodles, mashed potatoes, her wonderful rolls and pumpkin pie. The summer would be spent helping her feed the chickens, gather the eggs, tending the garden. Grandpa would let me drive the tractor when we went to feed the cows. It was so funny how the cows would follow the tractor, knowing what we were there for.

It was always fun to plant the garden. Grandpa would get out the tiller – the kind that is made to pull behind a horse or a bull, and hitch it to the tractor. Dad would drive, and grandpa would literally ride the tiller, standing on it as he would guide it through the ground to plant potatoes.

Grandma tried to teach me to crochet, bless her heart. I never had the patience to stick with it. We did do a lot of crafts, made play-dough out of salt and who-knows-what and I had the coolest sandbox made out of a washtub to play in, complete with a lid to keep the cat poop out.

There were cats everywhere – mostly feral, and I would consider it my challenge to have them all tamed by the end of the summer. All of the animals were my friends – even the chickens. I would chase a chicken around and around the barnyard until it would literally wear out. The chicken would give up and simply sit down and I would sit next to it and pet it. Grandma was always very good at making sure I wasn’t around when Grandpa killed one for supper.

I spent my days poking around in the barn, exploring the hay loft, or chasing mice in the grain bins. I would ride my mom’s old scooter around the farm, and pick flowers to make a bouquet for Grandma. She always made a fuss over my bouquets.

Grandma passed away a few years ago. I miss her so. Grandpa is still alive, but is in a nursing home now. He is 93 and wishing he were with Grandma.

“Hey, it's good to be back home again
Sometimes this old farm feels like a long lost friend
Yes, 'n, hey it's good to be back home again”

I miss John Denver, too. His songs meant a lot to me, and seeing him sing last night was like a breath of the fresh, clean country air that I grew up on. Thank you John and thank you PBS.

March 11, 2005

Short Attention Span Friday!

Can I hear a woo hoo!? It's Friday.

WHO's Line?
This is SO hilarious. Richard Simmons, flaming exercise maven, recently made a guest appearance on one of my favorites shows, "Who's Line Is It, Anyway?". The show, hosted by Drew Carey, involved improv theater performed by some of the funniest characters around. Click here to watch. I nearly peed myself.

Shag Me Baby
It seems that the state of North Carolina is considering a new license plate design. Here is the proposal (or whatever you call it). The plates would feature the phrase "I'd Rather Be Shaggin'". Bwaaaahahaha!

Some People...
Get it while it's hot! On EBay, for your bidding pleasure, we have a Satanic Soy Crisp! That's right...a soy crisp with the face of Satan right on it?! Personally, I don't see it. You have to read the description - this whacko thinks that it's taking over their life and they can't destroy it so they're selling it. What's even funnier is that the bidding for the stupid thing is now up to $61. pfffft!

"March 10, 2005 -- ACTION hero Bruce Willis got some action of a different kind after the screening of his new blood-and-guts flick, "Hostage." At an after-after-party at the Peninsula Hotel early yesterday, Willis, who turns 50 this month, and teen queen Lindsay Lohan, 18, enjoyed a mutual gropefest. "At one point, Bruce had Lindsay's pants down far enough to reveal a tattoo that said 'La Bella Vista' (The Beautiful View) on her right cheek," says our spywitness. Eventually, Willis and a few friends, including Lohan, took the party upstairs to his suite." YOU GO BRUCE! Hey, if his ex can do it, why can’t he???

Geeky Perversions

Someone (most likely an electronics repair person) has WAY too much time on their hands. Here is the directory featuring several more of them...

March 09, 2005

Sizzle Schnizzle Fizzle Pop

I am going to be frank with you. I think something is wrong with me. I don't think I necessarily want to do anything about it...I just have to figure out how to deal with it and keep it under control.

I have been thinking all kinds of naughty, sordid thoughts - all of the time. Contstantly. It is not like me. It catches me off guard.

I think about how cute the new sales guy is, with those piercing blue eyes and big broad shoulders. I watch, as he walks out my office, with a smirk on my face. Nice suit! Rrrroooooowr.

The new guy in the warehouse always has a dazzling smile for me, and he giggled and blushed when someone asked me what I was doing back there and I said, without even thinking, "flirting with the new guy." tee hee. I just want to bite him. grrrrrr.

The girl that fixed my salad yesterday was way cute - I wondered what it would be like to kiss her.

Joaquin Phoenix is really making my toes curl lately, as is Joe from Blue's clues, as I revealed yesterday.

I watched Batman forever with my son the other night, and was lusting after Val Kilmer in his rubber outfit. How much trouble would it be to take that off? LOL!

Certain are also making my toes curl.

My dreams have been full of hot, steamy encounters, making me blush when I wake up and remember them.

I think I just about injured Chris Saturday night.

I need to buy batteries. hee hee

It's fortunate, for me, that there are not a lot of mind readers about.

I am constantly squirming in my chair... you know, a la Sloth's seam. yeah. *wiggle wiggle*

damn he's hot.

I've got another steamy tomatoes post about half done. I can't work on it too much at a time because I just get...well...overwhelmed.

Am I suffering from a chemical imbalance? Suffering is not the most appropriate choice of words, perhaps. Experiencing might be better. Are my hormones going whacky? I'm literally wound up like a freaking rubber band. If this is what happens when a woman comes into her sexual prime, good lawd amighty!

I think I like it - just have to figure out how to channel this energy appropriately.

March 08, 2005

Snarling at the Mirror & Dreaming

Don't you just hate it when you want something and it's something that you know you should not want but you want it anyway? You know it would be a bad thing for you and that you should steer clear, but you want it so badly that it keeps picking and picking at your brain. Then someone reminds you, driving it in like a nail, like you didn't already know, that you can't have it because it would be bad and that just makes you want to lose your fucking mind? Yeah. That sucks.

So...ENOUGH about that.

I think I need a vacation. No, I know I need a vacation. Indeed.

So, who thinks I'm insane? I have a huge crush on Donovan Patton. I realize that most of you do not know who this is. He and I have a hot date every saturday morning. I can see past the goofy smile and the pancake makeup, looking past the cartoonish element to see that he is smoking hot. He's the guy who plays Joe on Blue's Clues. Ok...there. I've confessed.

Here's proof:

See what I mean?

March 07, 2005

Finally Got My Thunderstorm

We had a thunderstorm last night. It was too short, but it was lovely. It came in from the West, so I stood on my porch and watched it come in, the lightening illuminating the clouds like fire flies at first. It became more and more intense as it approached, and I could feel the electricity. Thunderstorms release something in me - they have an almost healing effect. This little baby didn't produce a lot of rain, but she shook the windows several times and the wind whipped the leaves into swirling mini-tornados. It was very good.

I watched the movie Saw this weekend. That is a twisted freaking movie. I don't like how they left it don't really know what happens to the main characters and it left me without a sense of closure. I'd bet there's going to be a sequel. How interesting it would be to take a peek into the psyche of the individual that wrote that story...

I had a very productive weekend - tons of laundry done, kitchen and computer room cleaned, and garden trimmed up and prepared for Spring. I almost bought some bulbs and seeds, but decided that I was jumping the gun a bit. It's hard to not be convinced that Spring is here when it's 65 degrees outside! It could still snow/frost, so I must wait to get my fingers in the dirt. tick tock

March 04, 2005

Backing Away Slowly

There is a saying that, all too frequently, come back to my mind and kicks me in the ass. "If it seems to good to be true, it probably is."

My life is no bed of roses - I struggle with anxiety and depression, I have a strained relationship with an alcoholic husband, financial troubles... My only saving grace is my wonderful son, who brings so much light into my life. Sometimes I think I would be dead by now if it weren't for him.

Sure, I realize that EVERYONE has their problems, but it is so good to have someone to talk to who cares, who understands and who reaches out to you to help in any way they can. A true friend. They are a blessing. These kinds of friends are rare and very hard to find.

Now, I am finding myself in an all-to-familiar place. When I find one of these friends, it is such a relief to have someone who I can talk to that I think I over do it. I tell them too much about my broken heart, difficult life, struggles that don't involve them. I complain too much and it alienates them. Makes them realize that I am not, perhaps, the kind of influence they want on their lives. No one wants to talk to someone who complains all of the time, so they shut me off.

It's a gradual process - they start becoming a little more distant. They stop calling me. E-mails go unanswered and they can never be found on IM anymore when they used to IM me all of the time. When I call, they never have the time to talk. I soon realize that they no longer check in on me like they used to. Sure, they're always friendly when I do catch them. They assure me that everything is fine, but I know better. I can just feel that it isn't there - the connection is breaking. Just when you need them the most, they slowly slip away into the shadows. There are excuses made, but I know, in my heart, what is really happening.

Maybe I'm too needy. I don't feel like I'm just a taker, though. If I feel close to someone, I can be one of the most giving, generous, attentive friends you can imagine. I have a soft shoulder that can soak in gallons of tears, and am willing to listen until the cows come home.

Maybe I need to just keep those negative, downer things inside and not talk about them - pretend everything is ok. Maybe, then, these friends would stick around. But are they really friends, then? Aren't real friends supposed to be the ones that stick with you through thick and thin? The ones who are always there for you?

I try so hard to stay positive, but sometimes it just doesn't work. I've been feeling this downward spiral coming all morning. I took a Valium at lunch, hoping to "head it off at the pass" but it is still coming like a freight train. The person I would usually lean on, at this point, the one that I would rely upon to help me pull myself back up feels inaccessible. Unavailble. I feel alone.

There are other people that I feel I could turn to, but I fear that the exact same thing will happen with then again. I will take it to far, lean on them too hard, alienate them and force them to join the ever-growing crowd of those who are backing away slowly. I am afraid of getting too close, because the end will be too painful. Is it worth continuing to try? Risking the hurt? I'm beginning to think it's not.

Short Attention Span Friday

Ahhhhh....Friday. My second favorite day of the week (Sat. being tops).

Let's talk about CLEAVAGE, shall we? You know...boobages. They're on my mind. Yep. I said it, now let's get to it..

I have a lovely bra on today. I bought it a year or so ago, much too small at the time but it was so damned pretty I just had to have it. So, now that I've dropped several sizes, I was excited to discover it, when digging trough the lingerie drawer this morning, and absolutly giddy upon discovering that it now fits! Woot! It squishes them together just right and talk about support! Wow...everything is really front and center here. I would love to share a picture of it with you, but, you know, it's really difficult to take a picture of your own cleavage! Maybe I'll give our big old 1200DPI color scanner a nice hug later on and see what prints out. hee hee

Now, cleavage is a GOOD thing...usually. But it can be underdone or overdone. Paula Abdul, above, has overdone it a bit. Ouch! That looks like it hurts! Does anyone actually find this attractive? Well, maybe...

Lil' Kim here, on the other hand, is just wrong. The ginormous cavern between her boobs is just not that interesting. Honey, we all know that they naturally fall to the side like that, but give them a little support, eh? They are not perky enough to get away with that. Again, I ask - is this attractive?

All right, being short attention span day I think I've focused on this subject long enough.

So, Martha Stewart has been released from prison. Call the National Guard! Really, who fucking cares? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? I'm sure she'll pick right back up where she left off and we'll all live more special and tidy lives as a result. *wretch*

The Grudge
I finished watching The Grudge last night. Wow...what a freaky movie. That hairy monster was just down right creepy. It reminded me a lot of "the ring" but I must say that I was a bit frustrated in the first 2/3 by what seemed to be a complete lack of a plot line. Thank heaven's the put it all together before it was over. Buffy is good at looking scared. So The Grudge went back to Blockbuster and I brought home Saw. This one should be good. I just love those "dive under the blanket and peek out from underneath" type movies.

A Storm's a Brewin'
I am starting to detect the faint aroma of Spring...and with that comes THUNDERSTORMS! Yipee! I love them. Can't wait until we get our first big boomer of the season. I can smell them when they're coming, even before I see the thunderheads. I'm getting excited just talking about it. The radar is ready - bring it on!

Just go here. I will never think about panties the same way again.

This is just amusing. Totally amusing in a "you'll have this shit stuck in your head all day long" kinda way.

Could it BE? DJ Puppenstein revealed on the internet for all to see?

Yeah, I worry about my sanity some times. But as long as she isn't suffering...

March 03, 2005

Pardon Me While I Burst...

Ok folks, it’s been too happy and fluffy around here lately, Celti needs to rant.

#1 – A few days ago, in my fine home town, miss Taneeka Patrick, 24, set herself and her house on fire. It seems that Miss Patrick thought it would be a good idea to clean her face with RUBBING ALCOHOL while SMOKING a cigarette (or at least they say it was a cigarette)! Lo and behold, the cigarette ignited the alcohol. Gee, who would have imagined that alcohol could be flammable? So, she suffered 2nd and 3rd degree burns and charred her house pretty good due to her idiocy. Personally, I think she was smoking or cooking crack and it went wrong (read ahead for reasoning behind that theory).

I read in the news today that someone has set up a relief fund for this woman. Maybe I’m a jerk, but WHY? She’s an idiot and it’s her own fault, and if she didn’t have insurance shame on her. If I got drunk and fell of my porch breaking my neck, no one would be setting up a damn relief fund for me! Maybe I’m a bit biased by the fact that this appears to be the sister of the crack-head that attacked and nearly killed my mother-in-law in a robbery attempt a few years ago. Yeah, this family is a boon to society. Excuse me for a moment while I go barf.

#2 – Two sisters, aged 17 and 16, started a fight outside one of our local high schools after the rival team (host of the game) beat their team in a basketball game. The fight quickly escalated into a brawl, involving nearly 100 students, security personnel and police officers. The Ward sisters, during this brawl, ganged up on a female police officer, beating her to the point of blacking both eyes and breaking her nose badly enough to require surgery. Yesterday, the sisters pleaded guilty as adults to the felony assault charges.

The thing that bothers me most about this is the LEGAL DEFENSE FUND that was set up by a local advocacy group. WHAT? The president of this group said in a statement that the community failed, but not the schools, law enforcement nor prosecutors. He maintains that the community has not protected the children and this is the type of outcome that is the result of failing to be a more unified and youth-centered community. Excuse me, but BULLSHIT! I believe that the problem is in the way these girls were raised and setting up this fund will only make them worse! I think that they should be held fully responsible legally and financially for the results of their actions. Setting up funds such as this one and the one for the crackheadburn victim mentioned above teach people that they will NOT have to be responsible for their own actions and that, if they fuck up, someone will come bail them out. GET REAL PEOPLE. If my son were to pull crap like this, his butt would be working to pay off his fines and he would LEARN from his mistake. I would see to it.

#3 – I am MORE than sick of hearing about all of this crap regarding the 10 commandments and references to G-d in and on government buildings. Should we remove them or not? Are we going to deface historical monuments just to make them PC? Are they going to remove the carvings and statues of Confucius, Mohammed, and references to other religions, too? If they're going to remove religious references, let's not be hypocritcal about it now. Yes, I understand the concept behind separation of Church and State and I think that it is a good thing, but let’s get real here. We still have “in God we Trust” on our money! Are they going to change that, too? DO WE NOT HAVE MORE IMPORTANT ISSUES TO ATTEND TO IN OUR GOVERNMENT?

#4 – Just in time for my “blogiversary,” my beloved CommentThis comments have stopped working. WTF? Maybe CommentThis, which is free, has a one year limit. I tried redoing the code in my template, I tried republishing the post…I don’t get it. So, I re-enabled blogger comments (in the bar to the right) for use until I can get stooped CommentThis going again. Now, the CommentThis link on THIS post is working. Why wouldn't it work for the last one? I even deleted the post and re-pasted the text onto a new one and it still won't work. Serves me right for blathering on about how wonderful CommentThis is and how it NEVER goes down. *inserts foot in mouth*. Grumble grumble…

March 02, 2005

Happy "Blogiversary" to Me

It has been one year since I created my first blog, Celtic Cross and the birth of my on-line persona, Celti.

One year, 210 Posts, 37,938 Words and 9392 Visits later, I'm still here and loving it.

I think I'll celebrate with chocolate!

March 01, 2005

Musings & Observations

I'm wearing sandals and it is snowing. *snicker*

What does it mean when you keep trying to type "totals" and it keeps coming out "toast"?

Isn't it interesting that the smell of a Sharpie marker is gross, but somewhat alluring at the same time. It's nasty but you sniff it amyway. Why? You know it's going to be nasty! Why do we do this with anything we know will be nasty?

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one enjoys it?

Marjory Stewart-Baxter tastes like sunshine dust.

If the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the Tennessee Titans?

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called holes?

Three religious observations:
a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.
c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters.

Are Lipton Tea employees allowed to take coffee breaks?

I was driving to lunch yesterday and observed a small, indescript car with the back window filled with what appeared to be voodoo dolls. The driver certainly did not look like someone who practices voodoo.

Went to see Constantine this weekend. It was VERY good - I liked it a lot. I have a question, however. Why would the angel Gabriel want to release the son of Satan from hell?

The Shat. ...just because.