m Celtic Cross Celtic Cross - Average Everyday Sane Psycho Supergoddess

March 29, 2005


Cooter’s recent post about Dickie the Killer Cock (that’s a Rooster, btw) got me thinking about some of the funny and not-so-funny experiences I’ve had with animals. These memories could make for some entertaining posts, so I made a list:

Mickey the Horse
Dog Killed Kitten
Dog Bit my Lip
Dog Bit my Ass
Goosed up a Tree
Riding Cows
Cow Tipping
Bull Gored my Aunt
Chasing Boar
Baby Pigs
Castrating Pigs
Cannibalistic Pigs
Big Pig at Fair
Cannibalistic Gerbils
Snakes & my Mom
Savannah Monitor/Baby Dinosaur
Mr Bean the Bunny
Hunting Dogs
Placo Suicide

I will eventually get to all of these, but I think I’m going to start with the pigs. After all, I AM from Iowa, you know...

You see, many years ago Celti dated a hog-farmer. No, really! It’s not as bad as it sounds and there is really quite a lot of money in it. Since we dated for over a year, I spent a lot of time on his farm.

There were several different groups of pigs in different areas – the sows with babies, the little ones who were already weaned, the older ones ready to go to market, the breeders, the boars, etc. We would tool around the farm on his four-wheeler and feed them, tend to whatever pigs need tending to and such.

The sows with or about to have babies were out in the back lot. They each had their own little "house" that they lived in. You had to watch them as they could be mean if you got too close to their piggies, but the babies were so cute! Several times I got to hold a baby pig and I felt like Fern in "Charlotte’s Web." I resisted, however, the urge to adopt one. Might have had something to do with the fetal pig I’d dissected in biology class which I had named Wilbur…

The little ones were in the barn lot. There was an area of the barn lot that was paved and then a big mud pit, all of it surrounded by fence. This was quite a stinky area, so I avoided it most of the time.

One day I heard a horrible ruckus coming from the barn lot. One or more pigs were squealing (practically screaming) and my curiosity got the best of me so I went to investigate. One of the pigs had become trapped between the cement slab and the fence. Taking advantage of this, the other pigs were attacking it! They had already ripped off one of its ears! I freaked out and ran to find Andy. He laughed at me as he freed the pig from its trap, telling me that it was no big deal. I, on the other hand, found it quite disturbing. What were they going to do, eat him/her? Sheesh!

Completely ignorant to the whole pig-farming operation, one day I was greeted upon my arrival by Andy who was wearing a blood spattered apron. What the hell? He was blood spattered himself, and was holding this tool. It looked like some kind of S&M ice cream scoop. Today was the day that they had been castrating the young male pigs. You see, male pigs who are not castrated get what they call "boar taint" and their meat is not fit for human consumption, so they must be castrated in order to be viable for sale at the market. I'll spare you the gory details – let's just say it was another disturbing day on the farm.

A few of the male pigs are left intact each year as they are to become breeders. These boars are separated from the rest of the pigs as they can be quite aggressive and dangerous. One day, one of the boars escaped from his pen. It was up to us to go get him before he tore down fences, ran away, got hit by a car or worse. You have to understand – these suckers are HUGE, sometimes exceeding 1000 pounds! This bastard was a big one, and he was not nice. If one of these guys gets a hold of you, they could rip and arm or leg off if not kill you.

See what I mean? These are some big pigs! We’re talking as big as a car here, folks.

Anyway, here we are chasing this monstrous pig through this field, trying to get him back into his pen. Andy picked up a huge tree branch, and proceeded to whack this beast over the head with it. It didn't even faze him! He turned around and came after me, and I ended up jumping the fence (which I’m surprised he didn't go right through) to get away from him. After a few more whacks on the head, into the pen he went with the gate slammed behind him. It was a memorable experience to be sure.

These days, the only pig exposure I get is at the Iowa State Fair (which provides the best people-watching in the Midwest, by the way). Every year, we are sure to visit the livestock barns and see the big boar. They have a contest and the biggest boar that shows up at the fair. The winners owners get prizes and the beast is put on display for the rest of the fair. Last years winner weighed in at 1183 pounds. It is fascinatingly disgusting.

That's plenty of pig to last me through the whole year, thanks.

On a side note, and for more pig pictures (?!), check out this site. I nearly wet myself when I realized that the music playing on the website is the Human League classic "Don’t you want me?". Don't you want me, baby? LMAO

Can you believe I made it all the way through this post without mentioning the word PORK!?!?

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