December 09, 2005

SASF v.12.9 - Aw, c'mon...Don't Be Offended!

There is no theme here, really. Just rudeness and whackiness. I cannot be held responsible for any of this stuff as I just stole it from somewhere else. (Disclaimer - check. Of course, a lot of the comments are mine, but... never mind.)

If anyone sends me another foofoo-happy-holiday-honey-dripping-merry-freaking-christmas-message-which-must-be-forwarded-to-all-your-friends-or-you'll-die-e-mail, I'm sicking my cat on them.

I will not let holiday stress get to me.
I will not let holiday stress get to me.
I will not let holiday stress get to me.

*deep breath*
OK! On with the show!


There's a new brand of ice cream on the market, friends and neighbors - Star Spangled Ice Cream.

The idea is brilliant, the names of the flavors (like the ones listed above) are hilarious and Ted Nugent is backing them. I'll leave it at that - just go check them out. I'm off to go get me some "School Prayerleens & Creme"

Let's Pretend

A man and a woman who had never met before, but were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on an intercontinental train.
Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly...He in the upper bunk, she in the lower.

At 1.00 a.m. the man leaned over and gently woke the woman saying "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

"I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married." "Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed.

"Good," she replied. "Get your own f**king blanket."

After a moment of silence, he farted.

Hair Shirt?

Holy shit! I'm... He's... Never mind. *ralph*

Holiday Cheer at Burger King

Soooo bad, and yet sooo funny.

Targeted Advertising

Working in marketing, I have a thorough understanding of the benefits of what's referred to as targeted advertising. However, some of these ads on websites just go too far:

They're just so wrong, and yet I'm giggling. I am not right. lol


Outside my office door about 10 minutes ago: "What? I don't understand. You're speaking in dumbass again." *much chortling*

The Mullet

Ahhhh, mullets. They be dreamy, yes? Bear with me here, there's some 'splainin' to do.

First, a definition: Mullet (mulit): a hairstyle, common among those of lower socio-economic status, consisting of short, well groomed hair on the anterior area of the head and long, flowing locks on the posterior area of the head. Also referred to as Drape Ape, Wisconsin Waterfall, Mississippi Mud Flap, Missouri Compromise, Neck Blanket.

This specimen is a clear demonstration of a classic mullet. Note how he proudly displays his exotic plumages while in a menacing stance. The mesh tank top, digital watch, silver chain and molester mustache all add points to this fine specimen's overall look of mulletide.

Subspecies: the Camaro Cut
This cut used to have full reign over the mullet brethren, but that was back in the 70s. This speciies has fallen from grace since, but can still be seen enjoying REO Speedwagon and Styx concerts, or up in the attic cooking up crank. Note the tight fitting acid wash blue jeans, peach fuzzy mustache and all-important key ring hanging from the belt. Feel the mulletude eminating from your screen?





Ah, yes, the Minitruck Mullet. Thought to be extinct in 1994, the Minitruck mullet is a rare sighting. The flap ends close to the bottom of the neck, sporting a more conservative look. The preferred attire of this speciies is Oakley Razorblade sunglasses, a turtleneck with a gold cross chain, and tight fitting Guess jeans. Their vehicle usually has a lame slogan airbrused on the tail gate, such as "U Snooz, U Looz" or "Teal Dream" or perhaps a No Fear or Calvin Pissing sticker.

The Porn Mullet - an elegant blend of form and function.

The Femmullet. There are many varieties of the Femmullet. Despite popular belief, not all femmullets are dykemullets, but all dykemullets are femmullets. Above, we see a Powerdykemullet, a business femullet and a retail femmullet (also known as the Wal-Mullet or K-Mullet).

Oh yes, the Permullet! This mullet has been specially treated with a permanent. This primping of the mullet head's plumage means that the subject takes great pride in his lifestyle. The permullet tends to be a little less agressive than his or her counterparts due to the desire not to taint the mullet with the sweat that would be released in the process of kicking your ass.

The Skullet - growing in popularity across the country. Recent research shows that Skullets are older men needing to compensate for upper dome hair loss by growing wild and wooly neck blankets.

Mullet Hot Spots:
Professional Wrasslin' Matches
County & State Fairs
Monster Truck Rallies
Dog Tracks

I used to have a mullet. Yes, I did. No, I do not have a picture to share. It was 1984, ok!? It was cool Iowa...small town Iowa. Shaddup.

Well, here's where I wish you a dandy weekend. So...have a nice weekend, be good to eachother, destress, and stay safe. Y'all come back now, y'hear?



  1. we all had the mullet, back in the day. Am I ashamed? no. Can I grow one now? no.

    skullet, like you said, would be the result.

  2. Mullet Hunt 2006! I'm glad to be back in the south.

  3. Love the kitty! And get me a gallon of Navy BattleChip ice cream. If it's good enough for the Nuge, it's good enough for me.

  4. Spotted two mullets in the past couple of weeks, is it making a comeback?
    Now I'm scared.......

  5. Those ads are the best. I've noticed some stuff like that myself when I've browsed about the web. I'll have to copy the pages now, won't I! :D

    Skullets eh? That's completely bloody hilarious!

  6. I think one of those mullet-men was my first ex husband, yikes!

  7. You didn't show the most famous mullet of all...Billy Ray Cyrus

    Great post, funny as usual.

    Happy Weekend!!

  8. I'm thinking that one dude shouldn't have used Rogaine on his back.

  9. Another exceptionally fine addition to your SASF series, you rock!!! Hilarious!!

    I'm seriously guilty of having very long hair but I've never had a mullet!