Cruel Shoes

I hate shoes. I really do. If I could, I would go barefoot all of the time.

Women's shoes are just horrible. They pinch and rub, sqeeze in all of the wrong places and slip in others. They normally don't have ANY damn tread and I am convinced that they were designed by the Nazis as torture devices (along with panty hose)!

I really think I have men's feet...they are a size 11w in womens (that would be a 9 in men's), which is HUGE. These babies are WIDE - it is really hard for me to find shoes that fit right and don't cause me serious agony the first several times I wear them.

So, today I go shopping on my lunch hour. I stop by the shoe dept. thinking maybe I'll get lucky. I browse and browse the women's section and don't find squat. So I saunter over to the mens hoping to find something that might work that doesn't look too masculine when voila! Like a beacon of light, they nearly jump off of the shelf at me. Perfect for summer! Dressed up flip-flops with nice cushy soles. I slip them on and the fit perfectly - and the price cannot be beat! Huzzah!

So I joyfully buy my new foot-friends and go on my merry way. I decide, upon returning to work, that I shall wear them for the remainder of the afternoon, so I slip them on and head for the door.

All of the sudden...what the hell? What is that freaking noise? Oh, bloody hell, it's my new shoes!!! They make a kind of sucking/farting noise when I walk. The soles literally create a suction against the bottom of my feet and then suck/fart as the seal breaks. Fabulous.

Now, as I walk around the office sucking/farting, I think to myself "so what!? They are comfortable, damn it!"

Hopefully, they won't keep doing this...