Time Machine Wanted

She's baaaaack.

Oh yes, cheeldren, I have lots of purty pictures and stories for you from my vacation. First on the agenda, however, is THE RANT THAT SO BADLY NEEDS TO ESCAPE FROM MY CRANIUM.



*breathe*
*breathe*

OK. Vacation was splendid. Really. We relaxed and had fun, got silly drunk, swam a lot, cavorted on large sailing ships, etc. etc. The travel was uneventful, the child was wonderfully well-behaved. Just splendid. Why is it that these things can not last?

I should have known that it was a bad omen when I left my vodka in the freezer in the hotel room.

After arriving home last night, Chris went to fill up with gas in his truck so he'd be ready for work today. The brakes went out. They went out at the gas station. Yeah. It's stranded at the gas station and I, of course, am without a car today as a result. So, I'm stuck here at the office.

Wait - it gets better.

Despite the minor girations that had to occur due to the previously mentioned brake failure, I walked into work all smiles. I rounded the corner into the sales area where my office is to be hit by what initially seemed to be a furnace blast. WTF? The air conditioning in our building is controlled by several different units, and, as luck would have it, the unit that controls the a/c in MY OFFICE is broken. It's 110 FREAKING DEGREES OUTSIDE (heat index, that is) AND THE AIR IS BROKEN.

Thankfully, I wore a sleaveless (you know, that's probably mis-spelled and I don't give a fuck) dress with a sweater that came off immediately. Fan is on high and I'm doing the wind-blown supermodel sheen here. Too bad I don't have a webcam.

I log in to my computer and nearly lay a freaking egg. See, the plan was to install an additional hard drive in my PC while I was gone so that I would have some room to store some stuff. I asked THREE times to verify that my C: drive would remain as is, intact, and would not be wiped. No problem. Did I back my shit up? No. HUGE MISTAKE.

THEY WIPED IT CLEAN AS A FUCKING WHISTLE.

No only did they, in the process, delete many very important business files for which I am certain to get my ass kicked not to mention creating TONS of work recreating, they also failed to reinstall any of my printer drivers. Yeah. GONE is command workstation, my ENTIRE Adobe suite including illustrator, photoshop, acrobat..., my CD burning software, the f'ing CEO's personal projects, my favorites - ALL GONE.

The IT guy is coming by this afternoon as soon as he gets back into town to "try to see if he can restore any of that." He'd better bring his magic wand or it might get ugly.

I installed my pirated borrowed copy of Photoshop 5.0 (ancient, but better than nothing) so I was able to provide you with the lovely photo depicting my current mood above. I completely recreated, from scratch, the mailing/RSVP list for our upcoming tech fair (5000 + entries, mind you) so that I could keep my head above water on that.

Oh yeah, and the digital support rep for the company, the one woman who has helped keep me sane and who knows far more than anyone else here and we would be screwed without? Yeah, she resigned. Bah dum dum.

I'm sitting at my desk, sweating, eating a roast beef sandwich that luckily I had the foresight to slap together since I knew I would be stranded here. I've been trying very hard to keep a good attitude going, but as the day goes on and I hit brick wall after brick wall because I can't do my job because I don't have this file, or that driver, or this application, it is going down hill for sure.

I NEED A DAMN TIME MACHINE SO THAT I CAN RETURN TO MY HOTEL IN GREEN BAY WITH A FROSTY DRINK, SITTING BY THE POOL, IN THE HOT TUB OR ON A LARGE SAILING SHIP. I would swiftly press "pause" and that's that. Done. Finito.

Oh yeah, and that fabulous dress I ordered for the class reunion? ...the one that was on the 22nd of July? It arrived on the 24th of July.


Die, evil bloody slow apathetic eBay bitch, DIE!

Damn it, that's supposed to be an animated .gif. See? This day sucks ass.

I should have known better. Despite what I was told, I should have backed my shit up. WHY didn't I? Because I'm a fool.

LISTEN TO ME, PEOPLE - TRUST NO ONE.
It's the safest way to go.
back
your
shit
up
.

Beatin' Feet

My apologies for my absence, however after many miles, a class reunion and a concert this weekend, I've spent the entire day frantically packing for VACATION. Yes, I'm leaving town...leaving the state, in fact. We're heading to Wisconsin to do some sailing and covorting on various large sailing ships, swashbuckling with some pirates, checking out some jet plane maneuvers, do some BBQ and eat lots of cheese by the pool. Woot! I may or may not have access to the blog during the next week, so I wish you a great week and I'll catch you soon. Toodles!

Prayers for Peace

As we watch news of the Middle East and current events, our hearts are saddened and sickened by what we see and hear. Talks of Muslim, Christian and Jew all blowing each other up in the name of God because of land and ancient grudges - and it seems it just gets worse and worse. We are the lucky ones - lucky because we are fortunate enough to not be in the middle of the fighting, fearing for our lives every day. It is getting closer, though. I don't know where we'll end up with all of this, but I do know that we all need to pray. No matter what you believe in, who you are...pray for peace, the preservation of our mother Earth, and the safety and futures of our children.

***
Muslim Prayer for Peace
In the name of Allah, the beneficent, the merciful. Praise be to the Lord of the Universe who has created us and made us into tribes and nations that we may know each other, not that we may despise each other. If the enemy incline towards peace, do thou also incline towards peace and trust God, for the Lord is the one that heareth and knoweth all things. And the servants of God, Most gracious are those who walk on the Earth in humility, and when we address them, we say "PEACE." al-salaamu 3alaykom w raHmatu al-lahi w barakaatoh (Peace and Gods blessings and His mercy be on you.)
***
Christian Prayer
Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen. Grace be with you, mercy, and peace, from God the Father, and from the Lord Jesus Christ, the Son of the Father, in truth and love. 2 John 1:3 (KJV)
***
Jewish Prayer for Peace
Come let us go up the mountain of the Lord, that we may walk the paths of the Most High. And we shall beat our swords into ploughshares, and our spears into pruning hooks. Nation shall not lift up sword against nation - neither shall they learn war any more. And none shall be afraid, for the mouth of the Lord of Hosts has spoken. Shalom - means much more than peace, hello or goodbye.
***
Hindu Prayer for Peace
Oh God, lead us from the unreal to the Real.
Oh God, lead us from darkness to light.
Oh God, lead us from death to immortality.
Shanti, Shanti, Shanti unto all.
Oh Lord God almighty, may there be peace in celestial regions.
May there be peace on Earth.
May the waters be appeasing.
May herbs be wholesome, and may trees and plants bring peace to all. May all beneficent beings bring peace to us.
May thy Vedic Law propogate peace all through the world.
May all things be a source of peace to us.
And may thy peace itself, bestow peace on all and may that peace come to me also.
***
Buddhist Prayer for Peace
May all beings everywhere plagued with sufferings of body and mind quickly be freed from their illnesses. May those frightened cease to be afraid, and may those bound be free. May the powerless find power, and may people think of befriending one another. May those who find themselves in trackless, fearful wilderness - the children, the aged, the unprotected - be guarded by beneficial celestials, and may they swiftly attain Buddhahood.
***
Sikh Prayer for Peace
God adjudges us according to our deeds, not by the coat that we wear. Know that Truth is above everything, but higher still is truthful living. Know that we attaineth God when we loveth, and only victory endures in consequences of which no one is defeated.
***
Wiccan Prayer for Peace:
Lady of Peace who hears the cries of the world
Extend your power through me and with me;
Bless those in harms way.
Bless those who are suffering.
Bless those who are dying.
Bless the lost unknowing dead.
Bless those who love.
Bless those who are helping.
Bless those who are scared.
Bless those who can do nothing but wait.
Bless those who are falsely suspected.
Bless those of limited understanding.
Bless those upholding civil liberties.
Bless those who, though well intentioned, do wrong.
Bless the Ancestors
who love and hold us dear;
may we feel their comfort, too.
Bless those who work and pray for peace
throughout the good, green Mother Earth.
Bless us ALL and hold us safe within your embrace.
So Mote It Be!

Crazy from the Heat?

Yes, as said on my sidebar, my life may not always be a bed of roses but it's always interesting.

It's been horribly hot here this past week - getting hotter as I type this. The high is supposed to be 100 today with humidity in the "dripping the minute you open the door" range. Ug. I have no idea what I'd do (besides melt) without air conditioning.

Anyway, I digress.

Last night we had quite the interesting visit. We were all snuggled in our beds, dreaming of heaven knows what when a furious pounding at the front door began. It was quickly accompanied by the unmistakable voice of one of Chris' friends from his youth (with whom he hasn't "hung out" for years), shouting "Chris, Chris, let me in man, I need your help. I did something stupid man, let me IN!" Oh, gads, this can't be good.

Chris stumbled to the door as quickly as he could so as to shut the dork up, and let him in. He was literally FREAKING OUT. In my suddenly-awakened stupor, I didn't catch what had caused him to do this, but he claimed that he had just "shot up" an entire bar full of people. He said he came in the back door with two guns and kept shooting until he hit the front door.

Holy crap! WTFFFFFFF??????!!!!!

Anyway, he said that he then ran directly to Chris' brothers house, only 2 blocks away from said dive, and begged him to "get him the hell out of" there. He promptly delivered him to our front door. Remind me to thank him later.

He was flipping out about going to prison, he can't get caught, we're the only people he can trust (as he's following Chris into the bathroom to make sure he's not calling the cops), he can't get caught and a whole lot of cussing and oh, my Gods, and general hysterical blathering. We were able to get him to settle down a little (and sit down, for that matter), but he was still a mess. I asked him if he thought he'd hit anyone and he said he had no idea. He said that he hid the guns in the bushes (thank G-D he didn't have them ON him!) and ran, never looking back. He said he even left his mom's truck at the bar.

Now, understand that this guy's got issues. He's been to prison a couple of times, he uses or has been known to use various drugs and who knows what he'd been into lately. Let's just say he got an A in Shady Character 101.

Chris convinced him that, for numerous reasons, he could not stay at our house (duh!). Primarily, he could not stick around due to the fact that Chris' brother is a HUGE fan of drama and has a tendency to not be able to keep his mouth shut. We pointed out that he knows he's here, and if he calls the cops, they'll come right here looking for him (great). We also have a child and our own well being to worry about. He needed to go somewhere else and NOW, so Chris suggested that he head 3 blocks down the street to another friends place (where there are no children and no one would know where to find him and he'd be the hell away from us). He apologized for showing up and troubling us with all this then, thankfully, he obliged and left.

Chris' brother called a few minutes later, having returned to his neighborhood. He said that there were no cop cars or emergency vehicles at the bar and everything there appeared to be normal and that his mom's truck was in her driveway. Huh.

Honestly, I think the guy either hallucinated or made the whole thing up. I've been scouring the news all day looking for any sign of news about it, and have found nothing. I'm almost tempted to call the bar and ask them if there was trouble there last night. I really hope it didn't happen as he will most certainly go back to prison if it did, not to mention people being hurt.

Needless to say, it took a while to get back to sleep after that. Thank heavens the D-man slept through the whole thing. Sometimes I really think we're total freak magnets. Sheesh!

Somebody get me through this nightmare.

Disillusionment - disenchantment, disappointment, cynicism

A cat cries at my feet
all he wants is love
I feel I have none to give as
I sit in self-loathing
feeling a failure

How did I get here?
a home I make the best of but can't keep clean
bills barely paid, living from paycheck to paycheck
no hope for any kind of savings or cushion
no way to relax

I take my medication but it doesn't help me sleep
still, the wheels in my head grind away
anxiety picking at me like a vulture
partakes of an empty vessel
abandoned in the sand

I worry for my child and the future he faces
in a world where people blow themselves up
on busses and in cars
and shoot missles
and steal money and hope

I am still overweight and may as well resign myself
to the fact that I always will be
I've tried so hard only
to make a tiny difference
not nearly enough

I just want to be normal
I want to be able to go out into the world
without being judged
without being self-consious
impossible

I try so hard
I work so hard
Shouldn't I have arrived by now?
I'm so tired of the struggle
where is the reward?

I have entered the gates of hell.

GAH! I am hating my job right now. From this lovely screen shot, you can see that I have, indeed, entered the gates of hell.



I have been burdened blessed with the responsibility of transferring ALL of our company forms/agreements/legal documents that need to be "filled out" over to Excel spreadsheets that are good-n-ready to be populated by system-generated data from our prospecting application databases. Variable data, kids. Yeah. Very complex formulas and links. ...and LOTS of them! Conditionals! Oh yeah, and they have to be perfect when printed out. Oh, the humanity!

Then I get to train everyone on how to USE them.

Aaaaaaiiiiiieeeee! Now I get assaulted by an image like this from my image host!


Gah!

Oh yeah, I said that.

I'm about half done, but the formulas and the data source pages and links and the colums and merged cells are MAKING ME FUCKING CRAZY.

*whew*

I'll stop whimpering if someone quickly delivers a white russian to me or lets me make some purty graphics stuff now. Please?

Hot Pink & Old + Pirates!

We had quite the swimming adventure this weekend. I took the D-man swimming at our neighborhood pool on Saturday only to have some jerk shit in the pool about a half hour after we got there. We all got out of the water (ew!) and watched the life guards walk around with rubber gloves, nets and buckets dipping it out. After quite a while, they got out the big cleaning machine and I'm pretty sure they ended up shutting down the pool. I wasn't going back in there anyway. We got tickets to get back in some other time and left.

So, yesterday we went swimming at a different pool. This one was better anyway - bigger pool & awesome water slides! D and I were in the water for a good 3 hours and, despite slathering SPF 30 all over myself, today I am a lovely shade of hot pink. I hate pink. Now I'm my own personal space heater. Ow. I must have done a better job on the D-man, though...he's not even pink.

I have a class reunion coming up this month. It sucks because it's really made me realize how long it's been since I graduated and it's making me feel old. No, I'm not telling how many years. lol Anyway, I found the (what I think is the) perfect dress for the reunion and it should be arriving soon. I'm excited because I think the dress is gorgeous and I found exactly what I was looking for. So, I show the picture to Chris - "look honey, I found the perfect dress!" to which he replied "Huh. Looks like something Elvira would wear." What?! Grrrrr... Bite me, man. I love it. Maybe I should have got it in green. I guess I shouldn't be insulted being compared to the ultimate goth vixen - she's just too cheezy for me.

Oh well, it will go nicely with my new Auburn hair. Yes, I dyed it. Back to my roots, I suppose. I was getting tired of trying to maintain the blonde. I was a blonde growing up, then the red started showing through and the older I get, the darker it gets. It's nice to be back to something I won't have to maintain.

Went to see Pirates of the Caribbean - Dead Man's Chest this weekend and it was great. I was fascinated by all of the funky creatures in Davey Jones' crew, and, of course, by Johnny & Orlando. Mrowr. I won't spoil it for those of you who haven't seen it - let's just say they left it wiiiide open for #3.

We're going on vacation in two weeks (can I hear a big WOOOT?). We'll be heading up to Wisconsin for a 6 days. We'll be checking out the Tall Ships Festival in Green Bay and we're going to go cruising on a huge sailing ship like this one! That should be so cool. One of the ships from Dead Man's Chest is going to be there, too. D will be so excited. They'll even being doing some reenactments of pirate battles!

I'm really looking forward to this vacation as we all need it badly. 14 more days.

SASF v.7.7.6 - Week from Hell FINALLY OVER

I'm buried up to my eyeballs in work, so no fluff today. I'm lucky I got this far...

***
Trump's Puppy


You feed me Kibbles & Bits!?!?! You're FIRED!

***
Falling Apart

Hundreds of people are thronging a hospital in the eastern Indian city of Kolkata to see a patient holding a piece of his own skull that fell off. Yipes!




***
Toxic

This kid's got issues. I have to admit, though, that it made me giggle. The Stanford cafeteria will never be the same.

***
Cyber-Stalker's Dream

Flash Earth is SO much fun to play with. I was able to zoom in and see my own freakin' house and where I work. Creepy! Hmmm...what's your address? heh

While zooming in on the Midwest, however, I happened to notice this:

Why does Missouri look like that?! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

***
Fun with Math

Oh my! That's quite an equation you've got there! *snickers*

***
She's still got it!

Veteran sex symbol Sofia Loren, first featured on magazine covers half a century ago, will appear for next year's Pirelli calendar dressed up only in diamond earrings. Sofia will be 72 this fall. You go, girl!






***
No Ifs or Ands

Check this out for a new and different way to learn about America's landmarks.

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Holy sharkfin soup!

A new shark movie is supposedly in the works. Should prove interesting (or NOT! lol), but there's some very interesting discussion on the boards about the megalodons.

Dude, looookout!

***
Express Route

Go straight to your floor and leave the rest behind with elevator hacking. (this works, too...used to do it all the time. D'oh!) The site, in general, is quite informative. heh heh

***
Speaking of Elevators

...or "lifts" as my lovely British friends would call them. Put on your dancin' shoes. heehee!

***
Man, People Just Don't Think


As opposed to jobs down in the crevasse? LOL

***
Special thanks goes out to Archmage this week for coming up with several of these goodies to bail my ass out. *smooch*

Have a fabulous weekend, peeps!

Agent Provocateur

It has been said that a woman should have an intimate relationship with her corset. It will take on her shape a little more every time that she wears it...

As a corset virgin, it is with a little apprehension that I slowly remove my brand new black satin corset from its delicate tissue paper. I turn the corset over and place it on my dressing table. I loosen the laces as instructed and pull the corset apart, undoing th clips at the front and place it around my body...

Beginning with the smaller hooks at the bottom, I start to fasten the corset. I find the clips at the top slot together all in one - so far so good!

I pull the lacing at the back to fit snugly around my newly found waist and tie it tightly. At first, I feel quite restricted, but as my body adjusts I become used to this new and strangely pleasurable sensation.

I move around my bedroom testing my physical limitations and, as the corset is warmed by my body, it begins to mould itself to my curves. After a short while, I can't help but pull the laces just that little bit tighter.

I feel sexy, glamorous and extremely feminine. Looking in the mirror, I notice that my posture has instantly improved, even when seated. I look elegant, feel powerful and am ready to paint the town red.

Corset virgin to corset addict in the time it usually takes to put on mascara. Perfect.

Seething

Some people just can't handle their alcohol. For that matter, some people just can't handle THEMSELVES. Chris' nephew is one of these people.

Our 4th of July started out nice and relaxed. We slept in and hung around the house until noon or so, and then we went to the big parade. We had a great time at the parade, and walked on down the street to our friends' house. They live only a block from where the parade goes by and three blocks from where one of our suburbs has the best 4th of July celebration each year. We always go to their house each year to BBQ some food, have some drinks, swim and generally fool around. It's always a good time.

This year, we took Chris' nephews. They weren't really invited - his dad just brought them over to our house before we left and dumped them off. Greeeeaaaaat. We really didn't think it would be a problem - they're usually pretty good kids (well, 19 and 21 year old kids, that is).

So, as I and a few others (mostly kids) had a water fight & fooled around in the back yard, the guys inside got the party started by doing a few shots of whisky. Yeah, great idea. *snarls*

The party continued on for a while, some cooking and good natured silliness...then we decided to head down the street to the carnival/celebration thing at the park. Chris, I and the D-man went down together. We bought D a wrist band and he had a blast on all the rides and inflatables (yes, I have pictures). After a couple of hours, Chris got a call from up at the house to come get Josh (the 19 year old) and take him home because he was being a jerk. Chris headed up there and the D-man and I stayed behind.

This is where things get a bit muddy as I wasn't there and have heard about 3 different versions of the story. Supposedly, Josh got a hold of some bottle rockets and wanted to shoot them off. They are illegal here, and the people who lived there didn't want to get in trouble nor did they want any of the little ones to get hurt, so they told him not to shoot them. He ignored their request and started shooting them off, reportedly AT the house and the kids. Clayton (one of our best friends who happens to live there) got upset with him and took the bottle rockets away from him. Josh got all puffed up and pissed off and started pushing Clayton around. Lots of yelling and cursing ensued, and Josh was he was told to leave (which he, of course, did not).

Chris arrived and shoved Josh in the car to get him out of there. Before Chris could get in the car, Josh came back out and went after Clayton, nailing him with a roundhouse kick to the head. Clayton went down and Josh started kicking him in the head and all over, stomping on him and pretty much beating him to a pulp.

By this time, many neighbors had gathered around, and after Josh was pulled off of Clayton it was apparent that he was hurt badly. 911 was called and, being only a few blocks from the celebration, the cops and an ambulance were there in no time.

Chris called me and told me what happened as the D-man and I were walking up the street looking at all the cop cars and emergency vehicles up there. I am so thankful that we were not there when this happened as it is certainly something that the D-man did not need to see. When we arrived, Chris took D into the back yard away from the chaos. I attended to children and dogs, shooing them inside the house and determined that Josh was in a cop car going to jail and Clayton was being strapped on a back board with a neck brace and being put into an ambulance. They were whisked away, and I gathered up our stuff so we, too, could head out. I took the other nephew home, then took D and Chris home and then headed to the hospital.

Fortunately, Claytons injuries don't appear to be as bad as originally thought, though we're really not sure yet. They were concerned that his neck could be broken as well as his hip. After some x-rays, it appears that the hip is simply dislocated and his neck is ok. Another friend and I stayed with Clayton in the ER and tried to comfort him as he was in a horrible amount of pain and distress. Finally, after the x-rays and a lecture from a doctor about his blood alcohol level (.23, apparently) they finally gave him some pain killers. When I left the ER a few hours later, he was still strapped on the gurney in his neck brace, sleeping like a baby. A couple of hours later, they did surgery to put his hip back into the socket. I may go up to see him on my lunch hour today, though a phone call I just got from the hospital reported that he is a total wreck and in a horrible amount of pain. She said I shouldn't go up there, but I can't help but feel like I should.

Josh, on the other hand, is in deep shit. Amazingly, they let him out of jail late last night (without bail!?) but it isn't over yet, of course. He's being charged with assault with injury and who knows what else not to mention the fact that he'll likely be sued to pay for Clayton's medical bills.

I am so pissed off I can't even see straight and I'm totally sick to my stomach. I don't want to talk to him or even see him because, if I did, I'd probably knock him flat on his ass. There was no justifiable reason for what he did, not to mention the fact that Clayton is badly hurt and the entire celebration was ruined for the rest of us. He's pulled some stunts in the past, but this one takes the cake. I don't know how much alcohol he had, and maybe that wasn't even a factor. I just don't know. I swear, I will never take him anywhere again and he is no longer welcome in my home or anywhere near me and my family or friends, for that matter.

So as not to disappoint D, we did go with some other friends to see some fireworks after dark. They were OK, but the enthusiasm just wasn't there. Now, I just have to figure out how to control my temper if/when I see that little rat bastard

Un-fucking-believable. We had better not suffer any fallout from this shit. Although we tried our best to shelter D from all of it, I do think it's affecting him because he knows that his cousin beat up Clayton and went to jail. I do not lie to him when he asks questions. This morning when I dropped him off at preschool, he was very clingy and didn't want to let me go. When we finally had to have his teacher pull him off of me, he started crying. It broke my heart.

*sigh*

So, needless to say, I'm quite cranky today and just generally a wreck.
I hope you all had a better Independence Day than we did.

...but wait! Look! Look! A Bunny!