July 16, 2006

Somebody get me through this nightmare.

Disillusionment - disenchantment, disappointment, cynicism

A cat cries at my feet
all he wants is love
I feel I have none to give as
I sit in self-loathing
feeling a failure

How did I get here?
a home I make the best of but can't keep clean
bills barely paid, living from paycheck to paycheck
no hope for any kind of savings or cushion
no way to relax

I take my medication but it doesn't help me sleep
still, the wheels in my head grind away
anxiety picking at me like a vulture
partakes of an empty vessel
abandoned in the sand

I worry for my child and the future he faces
in a world where people blow themselves up
on busses and in cars
and shoot missles
and steal money and hope

I am still overweight and may as well resign myself
to the fact that I always will be
I've tried so hard only
to make a tiny difference
not nearly enough

I just want to be normal
I want to be able to go out into the world
without being judged
without being self-consious

I try so hard
I work so hard
Shouldn't I have arrived by now?
I'm so tired of the struggle
where is the reward?

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