John is a very creative, artistic and talented person and he is very intelligent. Unfortunatley, meth has a huge hold on him that has crippled him and prevented him from ever having any kind of success in his life...he is a slave to it. He tries and tries, but always ends up back on the shit.
John is like a little brother - you love him but just don't know what to do with him. He comes over when he is high, and can't sit still. He fidgets and looks through all of our stuff, just exploring - trying to keep his mind busy. It drives me nuts. I just want to sedate him so he'll sit down and relax.
John injects the meth - the most addictive and powerful way to do it. That's why we call him Johnny Mainline. He can shoot a quarter or half gram and be high for 3 days. He NEVER does it at our house - we won't allow it.
He arrives, by foot, in winter, beads of sweat on his brow when you greet him at the door. He draws and paints pictures on the basement walls and plays guitar, then draws more. We let him hang out because we know he doesn't have anywhere else to go but drug houses and we know that he comes to be with us to seek peace - it's a safe place for him. We treat him nice and try not to judge him. He almost always leaves a token of some kind - a pillow case, a jacket or sweat shirt...last time it was a little green glass bird.
I know that John is harmless. He never becomes violent or does anything stupid (besides the drugs, that is), but we do watch him closely nonetheless. He doesn't come around nearly as much now that Derrick is around, ashamed of himself I suppose.
I worry about John...a lot. I worry that one of these days we're going to hear that he's dead. He is only in his late 20s and his body is wearing out. If he doesn't have a stroke or his kidneys don't shut down, he could overdose or have a heart attack. We just try to be there for him when he seeks solace. It's really all we can do.
You see, I live in the one of the meth capitals of the world. Iowa is crawling with it. It's cheap and effective, easy to make and easy to get. There are so many people I know that have been hooked by it. It seems it is nearly impossible to get off of once a person gets hooked.
I lost my best friend to meth - no, she didn't die, but she's not my friend any more. She went through treatment 3 times without success, and then got so wrapped up in it that she ended up getting arrested as she and her boyfriend were cooking it. After 3 months in jail, 3 more months in in-house treatment and then a drug-court program where if she tests dirty she'll go to prison, she is finally clean. Her drug treatment taught her, however, that she can't be friends with anyone she was friends with when she was using - even if they don't use. Although she hugs me and tells me how much she loves and misses me when we run into each other, we are no longer friends. Sometimes I think it would almost have been easier (for me, anyway) if she had died. I miss you, Bee.
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