m Celtic Cross Celtic Cross - Average Everyday Sane Psycho Supergoddess

November 11, 2004

Lightening Crashes

I'm feeling sad today...sad, unmotivated, tired, uninspired. It's one of those days when you could just go back to bed and sleep the day away. How much simpler life is when I am asleep - no deadlines, obligations, responsibilities, bills to pay, meals to cook, shopping to do, messes to clean.

It reminds me of one of my favorite songs - Higher by Creed. The song talks about how he wishes he could make his real world just like his dreams.

I guess it's because I've been thinking about my friend, Grace.

(kleenex alert)

Songs affect me so deeply some times. Last night, on my way home from work, a song came on the radio that makes me cry every time I hear it. By the end of the song, I was sobbing. The song is called "Lighning Crashes" by Live.

lightning crashes, a new mother cries
her placenta falls to the floor
the angel opens her eyes
the confusion sets in
before the doctor can even close the door

lightning crashes, an old mother dies
her intentions fall to the floor
the angel closes her eyes
the confusion that was hers
belongs now, to the baby down the hall

oh now feel it comin' back again
like a rollin' thunder chasing the wind
forces pullin' from the center of the earth again
I can feel it.

lightning crashes, a new mother cries
this moment she's been waiting for
the angel opens her eyes
pale blue colored iris,
presents the circle
and puts the glory out to hide, hide


Although it doesn't mirror the situation exactly, this song came out right about the time that I lost my friend Grace. I always think of her when I hear it.

Grace was a coworker of mine years ago. We sat next to each other and became good friends. She married Curt - another coworker of ours and a wonderful guy. They were a great couple and not long after they were married, Grace became pregnant. They were so excited. When Grace was about 5 months pregnant, Curt was offered a great job in Phoenix, and they moved there. Grace and I continued to correspond via e-mail often.

Shortly before her due date, Grace started getting sick. She would vomit a lot and just felt terrible. One night, she was so sick that Curt took her to the ER. They told her that it's just part of being pregnant and to go home and deal with it. They heard the baby's heart beat that night, but the next morning she knew that something was wrong. She was still horribly sick and the baby had stopped moving.

To make a long story short, her baby, Mary, was still born that day via c-section and it was determined that Grace had a serious case of toxemia. Curt and Grace were crushed. They took pictures of her, planned for her burial and planned to take some time off together to help each other heal. The next morning, with Curt by her side, Grace died of an aortic aneurysm - almost literally a broken heart.

I'll never forget the moment when I was told. A mutual friend that I still worked with told me - at first I thought she was just telling me that the baby didn't make it. She quickly made it clear that Grace didn't make it either. It was like someone punched me in the stomach and I couldn't catch my breath for several seconds.

I couldn't make it to Grace and Mary's funeral. It was too far away and I had no vacation time, but my heart was there. They were buried together in the same casket, with Mary cradled in Grace's arms.

My heart still aches for Curt - it has been 10 years now. He lost his precious baby girl and his wife both within 24 hours. Last I heard he was doing ok. I hope he has found happiness.

Wow, this was hard to write about. This story reminds me how important it is to love those who are special to you and to show that love as much as you can now, as you never know when you will lose them.

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