SASF v.7.29

It's the dog days of summer, cheeeldren! Jump right in, the water's fine!

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Shocking!

I know there are a lot of people who love fishing in the summer, and nightcrawlers (aka earth worms) are great bait (ewww). I seems that putting an electric current into the ground will force the worms to come to the surface where you can gather them up for bait.

Well, two people have died in the last couple of days trying to do this. They used "home made devices" (I can only imagine) and ended up electrocuting themselves. The whole thing is just nutty. One of the people doing this was a 5 year old boy! Now, WHO would let their 5 year old play around with electricity like that. Didn't they ever watch school house rock? Idiots. Pffft.

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Google Me, Baby

I am proud to announce that my blog is the #1 search result for evil cheeseburger in google!

That just rocks!

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Gummicide

How Do You Eat Your Gummi Bears?

In an IM conversation yesterday with Derek, aka Son of Cheese (that always makes me giggle), the subject of Gummi Bears came up...

Derek : eating haribo gummi bears
celtic13cross: YUM
celtic13cross: man, I love gummi bears
celtic13cross: do you tear of their heads and legs first?
Derek : yep. they're the best. NOTHING BUT THE BEST for me
Derek : lol.
celtic13cross: (giggle face)
Derek : nooo, I just grab a handful and go to town, indiscriminately mauling them
celtic13cross: aaaaaaagggggggg! gummicide!
Derek : that's right. mass mastication
celtic13cross: I bite off their heads first, then their little legs
celtic13cross: then eat the rest. lol
celtic13cross: heh heh
Derek : how sadistic.

This got me to thinking (uh oh). I bite off the head, chew it up, then each little individual leg, chew them up, and then the rest - one bear at a time. Derek, on the other hand, just chews them up by the handfulls.

How do YOU eat your gummi bears?
Do you chew them or suck them?
Do you eat them whole or torture them like I do?
Do you eat them one at a time or several?

My curiosity is killing me. Am I really sadistic and wierd (not that that would necessarily be a bad thing. lol)?

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Gotta Appreciate Honesty



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A satire: It is dangerous to think

It started out innocently enough.
I began to think at parties now and then -- to loosen up.
Inevitably, though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker.
I began to think alone -- "to relax," I told myself -- but I knew it wasn't true.
Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time.
That was when things began to sour at home.
One evening I had turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life.
She spent that night at her mother's.
Then, I began to think on the job.
I knew that thinking and employment don't mix, but I couldn't stop myself.
I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau and Kafka.
I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here?"
One day the boss called me in. He said, "Listen, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job."
This gave me a lot to think about.
I came home early after my conversation with the boss.
"Honey," I confessed, "I've been thinking..."
"I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!"
"But Honey, surely it's not that serious."
"It is serious," she said, lower lip aquiver. "You think as much as college professors, and college professors don't make any money, so if you keep on thinking, we won't have any money!"
"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently.
She exploded in tears of rage and frustration, but I was in no mood to deal with the emotional drama.
"I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the door.
I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche.
I roared into the parking lot with NPR on the radio and ran up to the big glass doors ... They didn't open.
The library was closed.
To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night.
Leaning on the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye. "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it asked.
You probably recognize that line.
It comes from the standard Thinker's Anonymous poster.
Which is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker.
I never miss a TA meeting.
At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was "Porky's." Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting.
I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home.
Life just seemed...easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking.
I think the road to recovery is nearly complete for me. Today, I registered to vote as a Republican.

(Ok...obligatory disclaimer - I want all Republicans that come here to know that I worried about posting this because I don't want to offend anyone. I have a few dear friends who happen to be Repubs. This was meant in good fun, m-kay? It was just too funny not to post.)

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DOTSUX

It seems the Utah Dept. of Transportation thinks that GAYSROK or GAYRYTS on a license plate is offensive. The gal who applied for it wanted to get it in support of her daughter, who is gay. She was denied. She appealed, and was granted permission by the judge to get the plate. YAY Judge! See? They don't ALL have their heads up their asses!

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They've Done It Again

Burger King's ad people are totally on drugs. They have to be. First, it was the subservient chicken (who is still up and running, by the way - check him out). Then, it was that Hootie Bacon Chicken Ranch Acid Trip commercial with porn stars. NOW - it's CoqRoq - a heavy metal band singing about chicken.



They look like Slipknot on a bad day, and sound like Soundgarden on a bad day. The website features music videos, MP3s, and info about their new Chicken Fries. Man, they sure are grabbing the attention, but it's still not going to get me to eath their food. Blech. All I can think of to say is "ummmm...wow".

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Hitting the Dusty Trail

This weekend is the big family reunion! Woot! I actually love this branch of the family - my Dad's mothers side...they're a lot of fun. We go up to NE Iowa and camp out with my parents. There is a fabulous state park there with bunches of CAVES! So...we'll be doing some spelunking, lots of hiking, and some geocaching. We'll be hanging out by the fire with a plethora of cousins, aunts & uncles (especially my Uncle Milan - he's a HOOT!) making some s'mores. YAY! Should be a fun, fun weekend. Oh, and we'll be having lunch with Cootera on Sat. on our way up! Woot!

Have a wonderful weekend, peeps!