What I Learned This Weekend

If you decorate your go-kart real patriotic-like, the cops will not only not mess with you, they will ask for rides.


8 1/2 Hours at an amusement park with a 4 year old is exhausting!

It's really hard to get a picture of a child on a fast-moving ride.


Those little "snake" things that you set on fire and watch burn are lame.

A 1/2 full beer will sit on the hood of a car for a long time while driving around town. It can also cause intense giggling.


Firemen throw more candy if you whistle at them.

Nipple rings really do enhance stimulation.


White Russians are the best.drink.ever.

It is not wise to try to paint ones toenails in a moving car while drunk.


Bratwurst floats.

Pavement and elbows are not friends.


The cleavage is a great place to carry your cell phone when a. you have no pockets or purse and b. the band is too loud for you to hear it ring (vibrate).

There are a lot of white people living in Somalia.

Morning glory sparklers smoke a LOT more than the regular ones. *cough*


Banana Boat sunscreen turns a small child into greased lightening.

Obi Wan Kenobi cannot swim but C3PO can.


Wire haired Jack Russell Terriers shed...a lot.

It is wise to lean your head against the safety harness thing when ripping around corners on a rollercoaster so as not to smack the side of your head on it due to G forces. Ow.


Flag poles make great launchers for bottle rockets.

People can get really pissy after being drunk for over 8 hours.

The best place for a tattoo is the cleavage. :)