August 18, 2005

Naked

Yeah, I bet that title got some attention. heh

Unfortunately, that's not the kind of naked I'm talking about. I'm talking about feeling exposed, raw, vulnerable. That's right where I'm at today.

Things have just really been sucking lately, in general. I feel like I'm on a muddy bank, slowly losing my footing and sliding down, down, down...

ug

I don't know how to break this cycle. Maybe things will pick up a bit here in a few weeks. D starts soccer in 2 weeks, and I'll be doing a lot of "bench" time, I'm sure. Maybe I'll have a chance to get some good reading in, but I doubt it.

Chris has all but abandoned the business and is back to being a wage slave now. Along with the business, he seems to have abandoned all hope, too - back to the old destructive patterns. At least he isn't being mean, but I feel something unpleasant brewing beyond the horizon.

I've been really busy at work, which is good. I was actually getting a bit worried about the lack of things to do - you know, paranoia about them no longer needing me. It's nice to be needed.

My neck has been hurting like hell for what seems like weeks. It comes and goes - about the time I'm ready to go to the doctor, it shapes up. It hurts this morning. I feel like I'm fighting off a kidney infection, and I'm so very, very tired...

Anyhoo, there is a song that comes to mind to which I'll share the lyrics to with you. It's a Tracy Bonham song. I can't stop listening to it and yes, it's the inspiration behind the title of this post. I need coffee now.

Naked

my stubborn skin is wearing thin
I bared my soul
you waltzed right in
I gave you everything and you just made me feel so very
naked
and I can’t remember how I let myself become so unraveled
I’m naked
pretty as a heart ache
waiting for my second skin to settle in

I spilled my guts on your best shoes
you keep it in
I let it loose
it’s only love that makes me
feel like getting so completely
naked
and I can’t remember how I let myself become so unraveled
I’m naked
pretty as a heart ache
waiting for my second skin to settle in

your hardened heart can’t hide you now
it loves as much as you allow
and in the end the eyeball army will just take you down
and you’ll be
naked
nothing but a heart ache
and you know there’s
nothing that can hide you now
you’re naked
pretty as a heart ache
going out exactly how you came in.


Yeah, I need a hug or a hundred...from someone who really give a shit. Really. It's days like these when I feel like a person who really understands and cares just isn't out there.

22 comments:

  1. There is naked and then there is WHOO-HOO naked. You need to cross over the line and join the WHOO-HOO people! :)

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  2. I think that kind of naked is called "nekkid"

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  3. I know what you mean about the "person who understands and cares" just isn't out there. But there are alot of us others who don't qualify in the same way but do understand and care none the less. {{{{Celti}}}} This too shall pass.

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  4. Stress sucks and Tracy Bonham doesn't.

    Life has a funny way of making your mind feel like someone dragged it behind their bumper for a few hours and then plunged it in saltwater. For what it's worth I chuck you a cyber hug, although if anyone sees me hugging my monitor they might get the wrong idea, but damn them!!

    Try to take some time for yourself and stay sane (your own brand of sane that is --- we'd miss you if you crossed over to the "clinically sane" ranks).

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  5. You know we care. We just have location issues, but if we were closer, you bet you'd be getting big hugs from people that care.

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  6. Pup's right. Location, location, location!! If you were or I were there I would SQUEEZE YOU SO TIGHT!!!!

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  7. Celti, honey, we all care and give you lots of hugs across the miles. And not only do we understand, we simply accept.

    When things have been really low for me, I find it is the time just before everything comes together and life is better than before the low. Every major positive thing that has happened to me in the last 5 years was preceded by something terrible happening.

    I pray that you find peace and you and your family are blessed with good fortune.

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  8. *hug* (and not the nekkid kind, unless you want that. ;))

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  9. (((HUG)))(((HUG)))(((HUG)))(((HUG)))(((HUG)))(((HUG)))(((HUG)))(((HUG)))(((HUG)))(((HUG)))(((HUG)))(((HUG)))(((HUG)))(((HUG)))(((HUG)))(((HUG)))(((HUG)))(((HUG)))(((HUG)))((GROPE))(((HUG)))(((HUG)))(((HUG)))(((HUG)))(((HUG)))(((HUG)))(((HUG)))(((HUG)))(((HUG)))(((HUG)))(((HUG)))(((HUG)))(((HUG)))(((HUG)))(((HUG)))(((HUG)))

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  10. Celti girl,
    I care and I really do understand. I know what it is like trying to be happy, but just waiting for it to all fall apart again. I know that feeling of "oh shit here it comes" and wondering if this will be the end of everything I have been working so hard to try and save... My thoughts are with you sweetie and if you need anything even just someone to rant and bitch to I am here honey!

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  11. Not only would I hug you, I'd rub my huge belly on you. You know, for good luck.
    ;)

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  12. Thanks everyone! I had a serious case of the waa waaas this morning, but getting better as the day rolls along. *HUGS* to all!

    Denny - I would LOVE some whoo-hoo!

    Derek - yeah, that kind. lol

    Boo - I know you relate & I know it will. Thanks for caring. :)

    Pete - You've got that right. Thanks for the hug. My own brand is the only way to go.

    Pup - I know, or I wouldn't have posted this. Just needed a bit of reinforcement, you know?

    Sloth - that would be nice. I can imagine it. :)

    Vince - I know. I certainly hope that's the case with me. That something positive is overdue. Thanks, sweetie.

    Julie - awww, thanks. I'll take it any way I can get it. ;)

    JustMe - awwww, thanks!

    Jenn - I know you know how it is. Thank you so much, I'll keep that in mind. :)

    E-Lo - I would love to rub your belly - hee hee! I need luck! lol

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  13. Hey, hope that you start to start feeling better physically. It's hard to feel right in your head when you feel like a truck hit you. I'd tell you to take some time and relax; take care of yourself instead of everyone else for a li'l while. And keep writing and getting that poison out...

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  14. I'm really sorry things are sucky for ya right now - just hang in there and do the best you can, you'll get out of it.

    I need to come over there and get you drunk ;)

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  15. hmmmmm.....Last time I tried to hug a woman I thought I was gonna get sued for sexual harrassment...lol...but what the hell.....HUGS to ya any way....hope things start looking uo for ya soon.

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  16. *hug* ad-infinitum. Life has me on the ropes right now, too. Sick of doing IT work for a school district treats technology as a comodity and not an educational tool. Hang in there! Prayers and white light being channeled your way.

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  17. Arrggg! I'm sorry to hear that Chris is falling back into old patterns again - hopefully this too will pass!
    Get thee to a doc.
    {{{{Celti}}}} :)

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  18. Hey hon,
    Ooog. I wish there was something I could do to help... like meet for a few margaritas and give you many big hugs. Unfortunately, things are a little full 'n flustery here at Das Dome Farm and I don't foresee breaking outta here. I'll try to call you later.
    {{{{Celti}}}}

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  19. Kerri - hi!

    Omega - You are so right. Good advice & will do.

    Vicki - thanks & that would be cool!

    Mike - aww, thanks! No suit here! lol

    SK - sorry to hear you're in this boat w/me, nasty craft that it is. Hugs back at you & thanks.

    Aimee - xoxox

    Seamus - I hope so, too. It had better. thanks.

    Jamie - got it. Glad I caught you this morning. xox

    Cootera - glad you called. Take a break from the chicken shit, girl! There's funnel cakes to be eaten & mullets to be giggled at! lol

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