m Celtic Cross Celtic Cross - Average Everyday Sane Psycho Supergoddess

June 28, 2006

The Relevancy of Time to the Time Clock at Work

Two guys walk into a showroom. One guy has construction helmet on, the other guy has a headpiece on just like Batman's. The helmeted fellow is eating a twinkie and the batman has a 99 cent bag of Doritos. The showroom is full of office furniture and they both want a desk. The helmeted guy takes a rubber mallet and starts hammering on one desk. The batman guy takes a ball peen hammer and starts hammering on the other. After 20 seconds of doing so, a salesman walks briskly towards the helmeted guy and says "Stop. Please, sir. Stop." He walks to the batman and says the same exact thing. The two guys look at each other and continue banging. The salesman walks back into the office and comes out with two other salesman who start yelling at the two bangers to stop. When this doesn't work, one of the stockers holds a lighter to a fire sprinkler because he feels he has a reason to create disorder. The showroom becomes wet and three fire trucks pull into the parking lot and the stocker man with the lighter goes into the break room and grabs three boxes of pizza because it's Pizza Friday and disappears into the back where he is picked up by batman and the helmeted guy and they go to the house where batman has a new Xbox, set up with 3 new games and they all eat pizza and laugh and drink Coca Cola.

The batman fellow's name is Pat and the construction helmet fellow's name is Mason. The stocker's name is Phil. They all agree that the new Batman is really good but love Michael Keaton. They also agree that Papa John's is really good pizza but not as good as the J and J's. Pat can take any topping he can think of to J and J's and they will put it on his pizza. He once brought some necco wafers to be put on his pizza and was sure that it would be good but he was wrong. Phil dated a girl who liked anchovies and wanted some but the grocery store didn't have any and neither did the pizza place so he bought some sardines and marinated them in salt and oil but she didn't like it, so he stopped trying. It might mean he didn't really love her and it's a good thing that they broke up. Now, a month ago, Mason started playing Resident Evil 4 and was amazed at the amount of time that went by during play. He felt like everyone around him aged faster than he did because of how fast time seemed to pass during the game. He was almost right because of his own mass. Meanwhile, the salesman who didn't know what had happened after the incident lives alone and watches Office Space once a week. Sometimes twice. His name is also Phil but goes by Philip. He doesn't eat pizza much but enjoys cereal. He has a Reservoir Dogs poster behind his couch and that's all he has that isn't functional. He feels the monotony of his life is diverted by going to Walmart instead of Kroger for his groceries. He also lies on the floor for hours not doing anything. He can do 100 situps a day. He can do 100 pushups a day. But, what he doesn't do is think up stupid ways to annoy other working people by dressing up like an idiot and pounding on office furniture in order to get free pizza.

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