Since my birthday is in April, I've always joked that I'm an April Fool. Heh.
I know, I know...it's Friday. I hate to disappoint, but I just don't have a short attention span post in me today. This has been a very, very long week. Parts of it have been wonderful (mostly Wednesday), but other parts have been sheer hell.
too distracted
too preoccupied
too frustrated
too conflicted
I just can't concentrate.
As I was driving in to work this morning, there were beautiful blue and silver sunbeams poking down through the cumulus. It felt like they carried a message of hope.
It is so hard to stay positive, focus on good or funny things when I seem to be bombarded by the opposite. Last night, I was reprimanded for being on-line when someone was trying to call from the pharmacy, unable to choose a suitable cold medicine despite the fact that I had told him very specifically what he should get. After about 20 minutes of getting my ass chewed, I simply got up and went to bed. Thankfully, I was dead tired and able to go right to sleep to what I was hoping would be a blissful dream world.
This morning, same thing. This time, it seems I spent to much time sitting on the commode. Excuse me! Then, I got ripped up one side and down the other for my selfishness and thoughtlessness – I had a Red Bull to drink with my breakfast and didn’t have one for him. I finally asked exactly what it is that I had done to make him so pissed off at me. The response – nothing.
Yeah, nothing is right.
"What ravages of spirit
conjured this temptuous rage,
created you a monster,
broken by the rule of love?
And fate has led you through it.
You do what you have to do.
And I have the sense to recognize
that I don't know how to let you go."
***
When I struggle to deal with my problems, I try to think about how it could be worse. I ponder the situation of so many others in this world and the suffering that my little "issues" pale in comparison to.
As I was stewing in my own juices this morning, staring at the wood grain of my desk with thoughts swirling around in my mind, this song came on. Honestly - follow the link. I've posted it before, quite a long time ago, but it brought things into perspective once again.
I really have things pretty good. I have a good job, a decent car, a nice house, a wonderful child, food in my kitchen, and friends who love me.
Sarah is just so awesome. I'm going to see her live for the very first time on the 30th of this month, although I've loved her for years and years. I can't tell you how happy that makes me.
I'll focus on that and the positive influence of certain individuals who care and who mean so much to me. Don't know what I'd do without them - you know who you are. *smooch*
UPDATE
4:20 pm
Now I've gone from sad to indignant & determined. Pissed off because I let someone get to me like that. Why should I let someone else's pissiness control the destiny of my day? How DARE he hijack my good mood? Pissed because he's acting like everything is just dandy. NEWSFLASH - it's not. *stomps foot* I refuse to allow anyone to bring me down. I may be an April baby, but I'm no fool!
I'm going to have a good weekend, dag nabbit. You all have one too!
