June 09, 2005

Uncomfortably Numb

Thank you to all of you who reached out to me within the last couple of days. Please know that, even if I didn't respond, it did not fall on deaf ears.

There is so much going on - more than just the prying eyes that force me to censor myself (grrrrrrr), but here's an idea:

A marriage with MAJOR problems

an empty bank account

a cancelled (or at very least postponed) trip that I've been dreaming about for months

inconsistent work/unstable income

two aging cars costing us tons

the family blog-reading nastiness


It all just gets so overwhelming some times and it seems like every time I think something might go right, it goes to shit. My mind knows and understands what's going on and what I need to do, but my emotions have simply taken over the last few days, leaving me in a smoldering heap.

I really thought I should post something here to let you all know that I haven't done anything stupid like go jump off a bridge. I could never do that because of my son - he needs me and I will always be here for him.

I went home last night and after dinner I informed Chris that he was in charge. I then proptly sedated myself and went to bed at 8:00. I simply needed to shut down. I feel a little better today, a little less like I'm going to crumble into bits anyway, but the funk is still there. Any suggestions for the best kind of funk remover?


  1. Sweet pea, I hate to be the "beast or burden" but.....

    The only way to deal with it, is to deal with it.

    Nothing gets better when you run into yourself. I know that by experience. Do not run from the prying eyes. Do not run from the not-so-grand marriage. Do not run from asking me for some cash to fly your butt our here to visit either!! :P I'm sure Aimee would help too.


    Take one issue at a time and deal with it. Your marriage, get counseling. Your family, tell them what time it is (Time to put their noses back on their faces nad not in your business). For money, (girl....none of us have enough money but...) do what you can; pick up a financial planning book and figure out how to stretch your cents into dollars. It's work. I know. It's a lot of work but DO NOT LET THE IDEA OF FAILURE BE WHAT KEEPS YOU FROM TRYING.

    Okay...I'll jump off my soap box and leave you with this: It's not the view from the top of the mountian but the climb that makes it worth it.


  2. I assume you mean "funK remover"? :o)

    Just take a little time if you need it, but you just need to sit down and figure out what in your life you think needs to be changed, in order to make yourself happy. I know it's not as easy as that, but if your marriage is in bad shape, maybe get counseling or try to work it out, if you want to do that - if not, I guess there's only one other option.

    Talk to someone if you need to, to get a new perspective and realize that you're smart, you're beautiful, you're creative and talented, and you should have everything you want in life. I can see you're strong, and I think you will be just fine. We all have times where things just suck, but I know it'll work out for you :)

  3. I think the trip to SF would really help. I'm sure we can figure out ways to get you there.

  4. Celti,

    Believe it or not, and even being just 21, I can relate, and know exactly what your talking about. The funk sucks, I wish there was a way to get out of it, hugs to ya girl, I know how hard it can be to not jump off that bridge. Like you said, you've got your son. My doc tells me to put things into perspective, and there are some things you can't control. Well, that advise only works for so long because your mind keeps going and going with the 'what if's'. Much love and hugs

  5. wow, your life sounds very much like mine. except add in being 8 months pregnant...

    my solution, although it may not be the best one, nor is it completely my idea, is to separate from my husband, move in with my parents, and sell the house to try to pay off debt.

    mind you, i have a fabulous relationship with my folks.

  6. My funk remover has always been to scour the house with clorox and clean, clean, clean. Then, if the funk still persists, paint the baseboards. I know it probably only works for me- but it works. When I feel like my life around me is falling apart I can regain some control with a VERY clean and organized house. (Pssst- don't tell anyone, I think I could get commited!) Love you girl.

  7. Remember hun, we're just a support network, when real life intrudes, blogging doesn't replace reality. We're here for you though and if your ever in SoCal, I have a cold beer waiting and an extra bed to crash on.

  8. Getting out of the funk is a tough one, but I've got a good thing to try, your kid. Spend time with him and do kid stuff. It won't make the other problems go away, but thier innocence and lack of concern for things like money are awesome and can really give you perspective.

    I don't know details on the marriage, but I do recommend talking to each other. I too had that rough patch with the wife. While I never seriously considered leaving, there were days I wanted to kick her ass out of the house.

    Money can be a really tough issue. It took the death of my wife's father and an inheritance to get us out of debt. Not something I recommend waiting for.

    Bottom line is do what you have to do to take care of yourself and your son. Have faith that everything will work out, because it will. Many of us have been there and gotten to the other side. If you need a friendly ear or shoulder, my email's on my blog. Use it if you care to.

    I'll keep you in my prayers. God bless.


  9. Hey punk, there's lotsa funk out there swirlin' 'bout. Don't let it glom on. But if it does, I'm with Brighton... 'cuz even if cleaning fails to lift your spirits, you at least have something to show for it. And one more platitude: this too shall pass. Really. I promise.

  10. Febreeze.

    Glad you didn't jump off a bridge. Keep writing in here, or at least another blog. All of us here look forward to your thoughts. Look out number one, too.

  11. I don't think you'd want my shitty advise of drinking it away. I always think that's what I need, and then 2 hours later feel 10x worse then when I started.

    Sounds like things are slowly getting better for you...hang it there!

  12. Without having read any of the preceeding comments, my suggestion is you kick his sorry, drunken ass out of your house. NOW.

    It'll be hard, but if you don't look back, you'll find the strength you need to be a single mom. YOU CAN DO IT!

  13. (Regarding what Aimee said)

    If your husband is an alcoholic, I would be very close to agreeing with her. Both my parents are alcoholics and they both think everyone else has a problem, not them. My aunt ended a 25 year marriage to her husband who too is an alcoholic who thinks everyone else has a problem. AND HE WAS NICE FOR THE MOST PART. Alcoholism is a bitch, baby.

    I recommend (sp?) Alanon?? It's for people who live with alcoholism or have lived with it. VERY strong stuff. In fact, I think Aimee was the one who recommended them to me and it was GRAND advice.

    But if then on the same token, if your hubby knows he has a problem and wants to fix it, and fix your marriage, then I strongly urge counseling for the both of you. Divorce is difficult for all parties involved but D doesn't need to grow up seeing his mom and dad miserable. That really impacts a child's psyche.

    Okay...I'll shut up now.

  14. what works for me: taking a walk by myself either in nature (a park, the beach, etc) or someplace full of people (the mall, downtown) where i can be and not have to think, and can just relax. sometimes getting my mind off of everything will allow a universal truth to come forward, but even if it doesn't, i end up more at peace.

  15. Yes, AlAnon can be a great tool, but it doesn't matter how many meetings *you* go to or how much counseling you both get, nothing's going to affect permanent change until and unless Chris decides that he'd rather have his family than his beer.

    At least that's been my experience.

    I love you no matter what you do. xoxoxo

  16. Celti love, Celti love... you are in a funk because you are in limbo. You see your life as it is, and you imagine your life as you want it to be. I know from experience, when you're ready to change your life, you can and you will. For you and D.

    I've used this saying before but I'll say it again, "Paint a picture of your life and walk in it."

    And the other part of me that's been where you are and learned a hard lesson says, "Kick his drunk ass out!" The other part of me says, "You'll know when you're ready."

  17. Hey Sunbeam ~ I'm sorry your in the "funk". So much of what everyone else has said is so true. Chris is going to have to decide to help himself, place his loyalties where they belong and get off his ass and do something about it instead of joining the family drama queens.
    You need to do what's best for you and D and know that you can't fix Chris - he has to do that for himself!

  18. Glad to hear you're still hanging in there. Ther'll be no bridge jumping without an approved bungee type device!

  19. I wish I had a magic wand to make it all better... I would take one issue at a time, deal with it, and then let it go... then move on to the next issue, and then repeat until YOU are satisfied, and no one else. hugs!

  20. Whatever you decide to do Celti.. Take care of you and your son. :) I'm sending SO many hugs and prayers your way!

  21. I know I wasn't exactly helpful last night on IM (except I hope the mouse story made you laugh!), but today I'll echo Aimee. You are a strong woman, and you know what you need to do. The hardest part is actually doing it, but I know you can. Take care of you and D first, and the rest will come.

    Email me if you want. I'm at work again. Feh.