June 30, 2005

The Emotional Rollercoaster

Humans are emotional beings. Some say it’s what sets up apart from the animals. I do not necessarily agree with that considering that I have seen my pets in various states of anger, happiness, frustration, fear and sadness. They feel it Just as we do.

I digress.

My life has been an emotional rollercoaster. I normally like rollercoasters, but this one is getting old. Although it is this type of variety that makes life exciting. It’s just been a bit much to handle lately and I’ve found myself wanting to jump off. It's hard to keep them under control some times, them derned emotions.

It's just emotion that's taken me over
Tied up in sorrow, lost in my soul
But if you don't come back
Come home to me, darling

Gee, thanks a lot, Boo. LOL

I digress AGAIN. *sigh*

I’ve been feeling:

Frustration over watching my husband try to build his own business, workers and associates who have let him down or betrayed him, difficulties caused by shoddy work on others’ parts he has been forced to take the fall for.

Sadness and empathy for friends who are struggling with depression, anxiety and difficulties in their lives and my lack of ability to help them other than just being there for them.

Appreciation for good friends who have been there for me when I needed a shoulder to cry on or someone to just listen when I needed to talk, whine or pitch a fit.

Bewilderment over a friend or two who have turned their backs or built walls.

Excitement regarding my son’s upcoming adventures as a member of a soccer team.

Worries about my son’s upcoming swimming lessons. I’m so glad he has the opportunity but worried that I won’t be there and the possibility that he could drown or be hurt (baseless paranoia).

Admiration of the makers of Splenda and Blue Bunny low-carb fudge bars.

Trepidation regarding a widely varying income level and the ability to maintain financial stability

Joy over newfound, wonderful friends and the pleasure of getting to know them.

Disappointment over not getting to go to California over the 4th of July as I’ve planned for months and months. I want so badly to be there.

Anticipation of the fact that I will be going there – it has simply been postponed.

Horror, humiliation, anger and betrayal because of an angry, spiteful person’s baseless accusations voiced to the DHS regarding our “abuse” of our child and the resulting investigation. He has never been anything but cared for and loved since he was born and has never known any kind of abuse. This became obvious when he was interviewed.

Amusement while watching my son and his best buddy (neighbor girl) enjoy finger painting last night. What was I thinking when I bought those? Man, what a mess. lol

Frustration over the fact that our damned TV died. I think the tube went out – the picture is a scrunched line across the screen. I really don’t want to spend the money on a new one.

Apprehension about my marriage as we struggle to try to work together through these things rather than having them tear us apart.

Overwhelmed when it comes to handling all of the shit that's being slung my way.

Delight in the feeling of wearing the beautiful new dress that I bought for myself yesterday at lunch. I love it and it makes me feel so pretty.

See? I was able to throw some good stuff in there – not just negative things. Those nasty little demons can eat my shorts. It’s all a balance – the yin and yang. When life gives you garbage, make compost and feed your flowers.


  1. My dad threw me in the deep end to teach me how to swim. I'm sure D will be fine.

    Glad you have a balance of good and bad things. Just remember to concentrate more on the good stuff.


  2. The rough are lessons to make us stronger. And you are one tough cook....uh....I mean....beef jerky girl. Ha!

    I love ya sweet pea! Hang in there!

  3. Celti,

    I've SOOOO been there. Went through a patch (as in about 4 years) where expesnes were greater than income. Very stressful. That was probably the biggest strain on my marriage so far.

    But we got through it. And it's much better now. As long as there's people around you to support you, then you'll be fine.

    And watching your kids just be kids in that joyful, no concept of responsibility kind of way always brings my spirit up. They know how to experience the joy of just doing what your doing. It's too bad we loose that as we get older.

  4. Drive-by huggingthestuffingouttayou

  5. Soccer? SOCCER?

    oh, well...ok...But you know, kids named "Derek" or "Derrick" or any other variation of the name really should be playing hockey. Really. Still, best of luck to him, hope it's as much fun as the fingerpainting. If not more.

    Also: swimming lessons...Ah heh. Well, I nearly drowned taking those. Damn near...

  6. Celti, I must say that I admire your courage. That's what it takes to face lifes struggles head on no matter what and then put it all out there in Bloggerville for all to see. I'm glad that you have supportive friends. I'm glad you are able to find some good amongst the bad. I'm glad that you have a fighting spirit that makes you strong. Before I start sounding too much like Pollyanna, I'll shut up. ;o)

  7. Celti, you're one of the strongest women I know. Keep it up and everything will be fine.

    I promise.

  8. You are a strong woman and just amazing. Loved reading this, I could stand to take lessons from you.

  9. Hey Celti, You really have a beautiful way of putting things, even the negative heart breaking stuff.
    D is doing great and you are a good mom to him and he will be fine with his swim lessons. You may have to put up with the "Hey Mom, look at me " a few million times as he practices diving off the diving board but I know you can handle that.
    Love ya bunches,

  10. Hey Celti, You really have a beautiful way of putting things, even the negative heart breaking stuff.
    D is doing great and you are a good mom to him and he will be fine with his swim lessons. You may have to put up with the "Hey Mom, look at me " a few million times as he practices diving off the diving board but I know you can handle that.
    Love ya bunches,

  11. Wow girl.. I dont think you missed a thing. Guess having a full life is what its all about, I mean really, how boring would life be with out all that going on?

    Lotsa love your way!!

  12. Or, as a Happy Bunny book I read says, When life gives you lemons, squeeze the juice in someone's eye.

    Or something like that...


  13. You're pretty inspirational with your ability to look for the good. I'm sure your clear inner strength will see you through. Best wishes to you and your family.

    I love that pic with the dogs. ;)

  14. Pup - Jeez! Sink or swim theory, eh!? I know he will. I try SO hard to do just that. You do the same!

    JustMe - You're right. I'm going to be Xena Warrior Princess by the time this is done. LOL Beef Jerky? LOL! Love you too!

    Vince - we've been there for about 7 years. It's getting much better, but it's so up & down! Yay for owning your own business. lol I know I'll be fine. No doubt about the kids. Thanks, sweetie.

    Serra - caught one on the way through! :D

    Derek - hey, it's a start! The kid can't skate yet!! I love hockey, so believe me, we'll be checking it out. Don't tell me you nearly drowned! Buttmunch! :D

    Kerri - thank you! I'm so glad, too, Pollyanna. :p

    JP - thank you, sweetie. *hugs*

  15. Booboo - thanks! *blush* I already get the "look at me" thing in everything else, so I'm used to it. :) Love ya too.

    Muse - the full spectrum, eh? It's not all there, but damn close. I have a feeling it would be VERY boring. Back atcha!

    Julz - that's great! LOL! Perfect! *hugs*

    Spirit - aww, thanks! *blush* Same goes for you. Isn't that awesome!?

  16. Wow...and not for knowing you well...wow.....hang in there and best of wishes and luck? Enjoy the 4th!!

  17. You are gonna be just fine. Poignant, beautiful and much better than I could ever say it.

  18. It's not emotions that seperate us from the animals. It's usually a fence..... or logic.

  19. celti sweetie... I could have SWORN I came here and made a comment earlier... anyway, a very thoughtful posting and I love the picture... poor kitty lol

  20. hey grrrl!! nice post, well thought out, glad you were able to say it!

    My IM is almost always up anytime ya wanna talk again!!

    *bigasshugz*~!!! LOL

  21. "just" being there? You know that's the best you can do for them, dontcha?
    Soccer - as we call it, football - finest sport in the world!

  22. You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have the facts of life...

    Shall I continue? No? Ok. :)

    Damn, now I have that stuck in my head.

  23. Mike - thanks! you too!

    Undine - thanks!

    Inanna - I know I will. Thanks, but I doubt that... lol *hugs*

    Trash - you're right!

    Denny - suuuure you did! lol
    thank you. that's one brave pussy. lol

    Se7en - thanks. I'll be buzzin' ya. *bigazzhugz*

    Cali - It's the best I can do. :) Soccer kicks. lol

    E-Lo - oh, no, you didn't... *finding something else to hum FAST!* lol

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