September 02, 2005

SASF v.9.2 - Slugday

...that's Short Attention Span Friday for those of you who have no idea what the hell SASF is. :)

Things are moving a little sluggishly around here - so sorry. Celti has been sick. I finally broke down and went to the doctor yesterday. I have a nasty sinus infection. I'll spare you the details - let's just say it's been miserable. Z-pack to the rescue!

What the Hell are you Looking For?

It's another edition of "Fun or Wierd Search Hits that Brought People Here!"

"satanic soy crisp" – google # 27, from a notorious SASF of days gone by.

"pics of sexy men in tight underwear with big bulges" - Yahoo - # 7, bwaaahahaha! You won't find any of those here. So sorry to disappoint. lol

"eyeball army" - google # 3, *snicker*

"naked celtic girl" - hee hee hee! Well, she's celtic and sometimes nekkid, but you won't see pics here! Keep looking!

The Stella Awards

Similar to the beloved Darwin Awards, the Stella Awards are named after 81-year old Stella Liebeck. She's the lovely lady who spilled coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonald's for an obscene amount of money. That case inspired the Stella awards for the most frivolous successful lawsuits in the United States.

Here are the latest winners:

Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded $780,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering that the misbehaving little toddler was Ms Robertson's son.

19-year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Mr. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.

Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania was leaving a house he had just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the garage door to go up since the automatic door opener was malfunctioning. He couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation, and Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He survived on a case of Pepsi he found, and a large bag of dry dog food. He sued the homeowners' insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of $500,000.

Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas was awarded $14,500 and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door neighbor's beagle. The beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. The award was less than sought because the jury felt the dog might have been just a little provoked at the time by Mr. Williams who had climbed over the fence into the yard and was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.

A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink and broke her coccyx (tailbone). The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.

Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware successfully sued the owner of a night club in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred while Ms.Walton was trying to sneak through the window in the ladies room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.

Top honors go to Mrs. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Mrs. Grazinski purchased a brand new 32-foot Winnebago motorhome. On her first trip, (to a OU football game), having driven onto the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the drivers seat to go into the back make herself a sandwich. Not surprisingly, the RV left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Mrs.Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising her in the owner's manual that she couldn't actually do this. The jury awarded her $1,750,000 plus a new motor home. The company actually changed their manuals because of this suit, just in case there were any other complete morons around.

Man! What I want is the name of their attorneys!

Stamped with Dr. Phil's Approval?

This sounds like something TV psychologist "Dr. Phil" would have a field day talking about on his show - his 26-year-old son, Jay McGraw, is engaged to a former Playboy playmate triplet. Erica Dahm, 27, and her two sisters posed nude together in Playboy in December 1998.

McGraw gave her a five-carat diamond, emerald and platinum engagement ring that he designed on Aug. 26. No wedding date has been set yet. Jay McGraw told syndicated TV show "The Insider" that he asked Dahm's father for her hand first.

The couple will wed in Los Angeles. Jay McGraw is a best-selling author of his own self-help books - including "Closing the Gap" and "The Ultimate Weight Solution for Teens."

No, I don't know which one she is. *rolls eyes*

One Man's Meat Is Another Man's Vat-Grown Protein-Fiber

This article and this website provide information on how, in a few short years, we should be able to grow any amount of meat we wish. Yes, grow. This can be done with no loss of flavor or texture, in industrial-quantity laboratory-style vats, with no animals having to suffer or be killed and the chemistry adjusted to make it heart-healthy as well.

Robert Heinlein predicted it, the original Star Trek predicted it, and now it's looming on the horizon here in the second half of the first decade of the 21st century.

We may still get our jet packs and flying cars yet. In the meantime, I'll just my use my flip-open communicator cellular speaker-phone to call somebody and tell them about this...after I eat my steak.

Salad Fingers!

A while back, I posted links to the first of the Salad Fingers series of cartoons. Well, I guess you could call them cartoons, but they're not for kids. They're just plain freaking twisted. But, if you like that kind of thing, you'll be happy to hear that there's a NEW EPISODE! Episode six is now on the 'net. It's pretty vile. lol

Speaking of Vile

I've spent a lot of the last couple of days reading about and looking at images from New Orleans and the area. What a horrifying disgrace. Looters and hooligans are shooting other people and taking everything they can float or carry, shots are going off all over, fires are being set and can't be extinguished, dead bodies are laying in the streets (or floating) people are suffering from the heat, starving and dying of thirst - it's complete mayhem.

A sad realization is that I know how much the media glosses over things and makes them "acceptable" for public viewing, so things have to be much worse than what we are seeing. It saddens and sickens me.

One thing that I can't seem to get out of my head is that, rather than stories of good will and heros, we are seeing stories of all that I mentioned above. While I am sure that there is a lot of helping going on, what the hell is wrong with these people? They're shooting at the helicopters that are there to HELP them! They are displaying some of the most uncivilized and reprehensible behavior there is. I am ashamed of the fact that the rest of the world, those who are already looking down at us with disapproval, are seeing this and that it is most likely confirming what they already thought of us.

My heart goes out to all of the people affected by this tragedy in hopes that they will find safety and all that they need. My heart breaks for those who have lost loved ones and/or their homes. May they all find peace.

Blogger Wasteland

The other day, at work, I was bored. All my work was caught up, I had gone through my entire blogroll – I had nothing to do. This is quite a rare thing! So, I decided to try the little "next blog" button thingy and see what I’d run across.

Although there were some good blogs out there, the majority of what I ran across was a vast wasteland of bullshit pages.

I found incredible shit with titles like "My Blog" or "John's Blog." How original.
I found a self-proclaimed "artist" with the plainest, most generic blog I think I've ever seen: http://artistmarie.
I found mindless drivel with cool designs: http://lingzerbase.
I found bogus e-commerce robot generated nightmares such as:
I found indecipherable crap such as: http://waitinfor-u-in-mylife.
What in the hell is this football shit? http://doyles-poker-sportsbook7d0.
I found things (like pictures) that made me go "hmmmm": http://cerejasmaduras.
...and things that made me go "yuck!": http://getanimed.
...and things that made me go "WTF?": http://nashaislem.

Now, mind you, I am aware that I didn't link the blogs mentioned above. This was done on purpose as I don't want these individuals tracking the link back to here to find me bashing their blogs. They're just examples, so copy and paste them into your browser if you want to check them out, s'il vous plait.

The Uncyclopedia!

I'll let the website's informational overview give you a taste of what you'll find here:

"Welcome to the Uncyclopedia! If you're here, you've probably found us through some blog, or other variety site, and have stumbled on to the Main Page with the intent of contributing to our giant mass of misinformation to add to the even larger mass of porn and other misinformation called the Internet. If not, then you've been sent here by an admin for an error in judgment or lack of sanity. Either way, we're glad you're here and reading this.

This is the fucking n00b's Beginner's Guide to Being an Uncyclopedian. It is probably one of the few serious semi-serious pages here, only by virtue of the fact that we need to balance out pages like Kitten Huffing, i burning your dog, and other insane crap, lest we fall off of the wikicity upon which we've precariously perched ourselves.

More importantly, this page is an essential guide for the unacquainted wishing to become non-banned valuable members of our demented, fundamentalist, cult. delightfully sane community."

Fact is discouraged, comedy is paramount - and I laughed so hard, I snorted.

Y'all have a peachy weekend. *smooch* HA HA - now you have my sicky germs. lol


  1. Excellent SASF as usual - good to laugh in the wake of all the tragedy - :)
    Hey if you've got word verify how'd that vermin spammer get in?

  2. Good stuff as usual.....and katrina was certainly a devastating mess wasn't it.

    lol @ doing the 'next blog' thing...I did that once and ran into the same type of nonsense you did too.

  3. Celti- you always seem to delight and amuse. This was a n exceptional post. I've tried the next blog thing and I've also checked out hits I get when I first publish my posts but neither have led me to anything I've gine back for seconds on.

  4. Hope you feel better soon. Happy friday!

  5. Gah! He's headed for the rubbish bin! *lightly strokes delete button*

    Seamus - thanky. Yes, indeed. I don't know, but it yanked my chain.

    Mike - thanks. There's an incredible amount of blather and fluff.

    Boo - aw, thanks! That's amazing because I put it together sick and dazed w/medicine head. lol Nope, no seconds here, either.

    Jennifer - I do already, thank heavens. You too!

  6. So, ummm, do you think that maybe Dr. Phil's son, errr, y'know..... okay lets not go there - curiosity killed the triplet.... i mean cat.

    That salad fingers is well creepy - i love it! thanks for introducing me to, ummm, it?

    And I'm so glad not to see my blog in your wasteland!

    (I've read and commented a lot about the terrible events down south - i echo seamus' note about shedding humor in a time of great sadness).

  7. Hey, you got spammed, and who is this little wizard dude?? Cute! Hee hee, you said peachy weekend!! Great post. I love your SASF!!

  8. Salad fingers? Does Wendy's know about this? lol

  9. I held my breath until I got through the 'blog wasteland.' I was happy to see I was not among the names. I can breathe now---

  10. Seamus - Thanks. Yes, laughs are badly needed. That stinkin' spammer must have registered so they could spam. Making more work for them, I guess. Grrr. Spammer is about to meet the delete button.

  11. Weee! Spam all gone (for now.)
    Whoops...forgot I had already responded to some. *yawn*

    Cali - Dr. Phil is probably secretly elated. I'm not fond of him. Wanna make bets on how long it lasts? heh

    Salad fingers is a freaky phenomenon. Sooo twisted. I love it, too.

    I wouldn't like someone if I think their blog is rubbish, silly! lol

    Inanna - I did, dangit. I thought he was just too cute. I'm trying to figure out how to make him do the intro only once, though. Might recruit help on that in my next post. Thanks, Peaches!

    Brighton - lol! I doubt it...

    Cow - Nah...I didn't run across anyone who comes here. No worries. :)

  12. Hi schweetie!! Another killer SASE post, you got the knack!!

    Caught up with you a bit, loved the barettes, the're awesome!! Lovely work indeed. I'll go check them out at the new site in a few minutes.

    Huge hugs!! and you bettah get bettah!!!


  13. I like to get up early to go out and breathe fresh air. I feel that it is good for health and a good habit