January 04, 2005

I Took the Red Pill

Last night, in the midst of an ice storm, I was swept out of my bed and taken away by a handsome, mysterious man. It soon became clear that it was my friend, Erich. He told me that we were in danger, and that he needed my help in order to save all of the righteous. I got dressed as he stuffed guns in a big duffle bag and we slid down the front stairs and jumped into his car, my incredulous look being met with "let me explain."

The next thing I know, we are in this huge, fancy mall and we are being chased. We are doing our best to hide our guns in our clothes so that the cops won't see them. If the cops see them, they will arrest us (or shoot us) so we won't be able to accomplish our objective - to kill all the tweekers. We are chasing the tweekers, but the cooks are chasing us to keep us from killing all of their customers. Did you know that it is really hard to run with a very large gun shoved down the back of your pants? The entire time, I think I was more afraid of shooting myself or losing my gun than I was of the cooks that were chasing us. Man, I did not want to lose that gun - it was my favorite - a Ruger Super Redhawk 44 mag. Bad.ass.gun.

All of the people in the mall seemed completely oblivious to our situation, the fact that we were packing, the fact that we were running - really to our existence at all. As I passed them and looked at their faces, they were sheep with human bodies, wandering aimlessly thought the shopping mall of life.

There were several close calls where the cooks would pop shots off at us, and things like colums and potted plants would explode next to us. We greased several tweekers, and they were like zombies, still coming at you after the first few shots nailed them. It took about 6 shots to take one down.

The cooks were closing in, so we escaped from the mall by jumping into this huge tube. It was like a giant ventilation shaft, round, going straight down into the dark. Having no idea what was at the bottom, I grabbed Erich's hand and down we fell.

Then, I woke up. It was one of the the wierdest dreams I've ever had.

What did YOU do last night?

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